#NerdsUnite: We're back ... (oh & I turned down an orgy, threesome, and wound up on a "non-date" featuring knife throwing)

Wow. First and foremost, hi. It's been a while, and I guess you can say we are on trend of "everything old being new again" ... 

<tangent> Speaking of old, when I started Talk Nerdy, I literally had $10 to my name for an entire year as I bartered social media to live. Having $10 to your name means I couldn't afford hosting for this website. Instead of freaking out about it, I reached out to Squarespace, told them what I was doing, and they offered lifetime hosting. Seven years later, they clearly no longer offer that package as it bleeds to a 404, and won't let me upgrade the site without a full reboot (which may or may not happen). I kinda like how horribly designed this is now. Proof is in the pudding that things don't have to be perfect to still have an impact. 

</tangent> 

As you guys may or may not know, we were bought back in 2015 by CBS (after a four way bidding war with NBC, CBS, ABC, and FOX). Pretty exciting, but as with everything else in this story - SO much more involved than I ever could have imagined. 

I'll update everything in its own post, but for now, let's get caught up on the last couple of weeks. 

Here's the song that goes with the post (they played this in my spin class on Saturday and it's so hauntingly beautiful) ... 

I didn't realize it at the time, but "walking away" from Talk Nerdy in 2013 was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It didn't mean it was easy, but five years ago, I hit what I deemed "professional success" and nothing felt the way that I thought it would. Instead of throwing a pity party for myself, I decided to do something about it. Did I think for a second it would lead me to an island on the other side of the country? No. That's what's great about life, you never know what's next. I was CONVINCED I was finally going to get married and have babies (I moved there for a guy), not once but TWICE. While both relationships are something I hold very dear to my heart, I knew I wasn't professionally fulfilled. I needed more, and as much as I loved the island, I was ready to head back to dry land. 

<tangent> I love how people in LA think btw. I can't begin to tell you how many guys I've been out on dates with have asked, "Oh - an island. You mean being isolated within your own state of mind?" 

No, I've said. I mean literally an island in the state of Florida. 

</tangent> 

After living in LA for just shy of 10 years, I didn't think anything about coming back (after ghosting for 2.5 years). I assumed I would go back to my old "Talk Nerdy" lifestyle, and I couldn't have been more wrong. After unlocking the "intimacy" achievement, I was unable (or unwilling) to move anywhere but up. 

The first 18 months back were a product of said "uppage." I don't know how to describe it other than the feeling of going through an "emotional puberty." I started seeing in real time my own motives behind conversations, relationships, and the reality of how insignificant a lot of things (I thought I placed value in) actually were/ are.

Remember when you were 12, and as you started to develop "womanly curves?" You know how awkward you began to feel around adults because you could actively feel them staring at parts of your body you didn't have the year before?

It's like that, but in reverse; I was the one noticing the change, and I immediately became very protective of myself. It was one part letting go of a lot of shit that never belonged to me, one part stepping into the person I hoped I was, and one part telling all the other parts of myself to shut up because I overthink WAY too much. 

We're so hilariously insignificant and you can let that upset you, or liberate you. 

Knowing all of this is one thing, doing something about it is has been yet another leg of the journey. 

With the previous version of "success" under my belt, I've spent the last few months out of "emotional puberty," and more focused than ever to get EXACTLY what I want. Every day, I ask myself what my goals are (personally and professionally) and put myself in check to see if my actions are in line with said goals.

A big goal of mine is to get married and start a family. What is one way to get married and start a family? You get off your ass and put yourself out there. As per usual, guys (and girls) came and went (pun intended), and I (yet again) found myself getting frustrated with the process. 

<tangent> Bee tee dubs, clearly I am not going to marry "just anyone." If I'm this picky about a guy I'm dating, you can imagine how picky I am going to be if I do ever end up getting married. </tangent> 

Same conversations and same song and dance over and over. You spend six months trying to get to know someone only to have to wait another six months to get to know the REAL them, only to have discovered that you've now wasted a year with a person you never really liked. 

All of this was cute at 22, it's now not so cute at 32.

I've intermittenly dated here and there, and even began asking guys that I've dated to set me up with their friends, since they genuinely had glowing reviews (it was merely bad timing for one reason or another). After the last blind date setup, I decided it was time to hang up my dating shoes. It was by no means a choice to "give up," but an understanding that anytime I've ever sought one thing - I've gotten another.

Again, thought I was getting married and having babies not once but twice. Wound up ON A FUCKING ISLAND selling not one but two projects. 

Now, I've developed a routine that I genuinely enjoy. I work, workout, rise and repeat. I spend my nights (that I'm not working) in a onesie watching movies and sipping wine or smoking pot with Buster (el dogarino). I've redecorated my apartment, and because I've mostly stopped texting people back - my life had (I thought) mellowed quite a bit. 

Two Fridays ago, I got a text from someone named S&K ... 

Who or what is an S&K, I thought before quickly going ... OOOOHHHHH!!!

Remember the couple who introduced me to the orgy scene? Well, that's them. If I'm a keeper of any of your secrets, I code you in my phone so if its ever stolen and you text, people won't know who you are. In the first orgy email, they said we didn't have to use our names, we could just use initials; I clearly take roleplaying seriously. 

I messaged back ... 

See S&K were two guys who wanted to have a DP of the For-Real (that's me, for those who are new). I've never had a threesome before with two guys, so two years ago the newness interested me. Unfortunately (or fortunately) the guys could only meet during the day, at like noon in West Hollywood. They wanted me to hang out by the pool, have a couple of drinks, and "chill." (And by chill, they mean putting their penises inside places that require a special "assistant" when explored by a male doctor.)

I'm all for a good nooner - but do you know the level of commitment it takes to prepare for something like that? And the aftercare? I don't have time to uh, "get ready" and then uh, lubricate certain parts only to then spend the rest of my afternoon in a meeting with my co-workers wondering why I'm glowing ... and smell nice ... yet sitting so ... so ... awkwardly. 

I have SO much more respect for myself!

(... which is why I only do those things at night, silly goose!)

A few hours later, I left work, and grabbed an uber to head to happy hour at El Compadres with my friends. On the way over I scrolled through my phone and had a change of heart with one of my contacts. 

See, I went out on a first date on Valentines Day with this guy Brent who had in his profile that "danger was literally his middle name." That part I thought was kinda corny, but what I did think was cool is that he's a writer and lives in a van to support his content driven lifestyle. We had a great time, but because he travels all over we hadn't talked since. 

I texted him back ... 

I didn't peep his insta story, but the next day (during one of the few moments of time I had to sleep), I got another text ... 

STFU, I thought. You mean the Women in Vaudeville show at the Bob Baker Marionette theater that I sent a company wide invite out for (due to one of our colleagues participation in the production)???

I texted back ... 

I wanted to fuck with him and wear one of my chalboard hats with I <3 Jeptha on it (my colleague), but I was having a quasi good hair day so decided not to. 

<tangent>HAVE YOU SEEN THESE THINGS?! They're magical in terms of marketing. This is not a paid affiliation, btw. I'm just a huge. huge. fan! 

THE HAT WORKS TOO WELL!! AND IS WAY MORE EFFICIENT THAN ONLINE DATING!! </tangent> 

Before the show, I felt a tap on my back and it was my Valentine. 

Hi, I said as we hugged and followed up with pleasantries. 

This place is kinda creepy, he admitted. I know I'm a little stoned ... 

I cut him off. You have the pot? I want the pot, I said excited. 

He then passed his vape pen, as I went outside and puff puff passed to my uh, self. 

I quietly snuck back into the theater, and rejoined my non-date. The show began moments later, and the host Lindsay announced that she was going to start with her finale (featuring knife juggling). High as a kite, I just kept thinking oh dear god please do not pick me from the audience ... oh dear god oh dear god ... 

As the host walked over to the crowd she reached behind and grabbed my non-date. 

WHEW, I thought cheering him on grabbing my phone to take photos and videos (because who was going to believe this happened without it) ... 

The show was ABSOLUTELY incredible, and if you get a chance they're doing another one next month. Highly highly recommended (pun intended).

After the show, I bid my non-date adieu and went home to snuggle with Buster. 

So what's next now that I'm not "actively" dating? 

Well for one, I'm really really excited that I'm finally learning how to cook. I just signed up for Home Chef and am SUPER pumped to test it out. 

Oh, and did I mention that there's not one but two tv shows? Another bidding war. Three networks, and they already have a brand sponsor attached. I'll know more in a few weeks, but it's pretty exciting because it's a show I would genuinely watch. (This one I'd actually be in with two of my friends which makes it SO much better.) 

Oh, and shhhhhhh, don't tell anyone, but here's the a sneak peek of Talk Nerdy's treatment ... 

I learned design working for DropInInc(out of frustration due to designers being so expensive and then leaving because we're a startup and startups pay dilly). I'm super super proud of how far the project has come, and will tell you all about the process in the next post. 

Buckle up nerderinos!! I have no idea what we are going to be in for, but one thing is for sure - its already been one hell of a journey. 

Thank you for everything. I can't wait to pay you all back. :) 

All my love and all my heart, you make me SO proud to type ... 

#NERDSUNITE

Oh and PS. I totally forgot that seven years ago when I created the twitter account for Talk Nerdy, I used an old SNL reference for the location ... 

P.P.S. To any of the old writers, or any n00bs that want to join ... shoot me an email!! jen at dropininc dot com or jenfriel at talknerdytomelover dot com. This is just a soft launch for now, but over the next couple of weeks we are going to fully ramp back up. Would LOVE to hear from you!! xx