#NerdsUnite: The beauty of not getting what you wanted

Jan 7

Last week, while at my buddy's birthday party, I had a funny run in with a manager that wouldn't sign me when I first moved to LA. It reminded me of something beautiful that I had to share with you all today.

Maestro ...

I've known my entire life I was going to work in entertainment. My parents said even when I was an infant people had this natural "draw" to me, and my mom contemplated putting me into commercials. Thankfully, she didn't (child stars give me the creeps), but that didn't stop this natural force that I felt inside of me to work in the entertainment industry.

I would watch episode after episode of Saved By The Bell and tell my entire family that one day I was going to live in California, and LA would be my home.

My parents knew I was extremely strong willed from the womb, so to their credit they didn't discourage it they just said if you're going to do this you're going to have to work really hard. It's not the "normal" path that people take in life and the rejection rate is off the charts.

I don't care, I would say over and over. I have to be in Los Angeles, I have to do it.

I then finished high school at 16 and after I saved up some money working two jobs I then moved to NYC to study at the Lee Strasberg theater institute.

I took a wide variety of classes including acting, writing, directing, but always felt a draw to being a producer. They're like the glue on projects. They just get shit done. I can do that! I thought.

After my time spent in NYC I then moved to Florida for a few months (to stay rent free in my parents condo) and after a few months the parental units kicked me out and told me to get started with my life in LA.

I then drove for 3 days with my dad across country and was dropped off in LA with just a car full of possessions and an apartment found on Craigslist.

I can do this, I thought. I can do this.

Did I know a single soul?

Nope. BUT I knew I was a hard worker and that anything in life I had set my mind to had ALWAYS come to fruition.

Within a matter of weeks I wound up getting a job at a post production house, and even a few months later I wound up winning on the Price is Right and having Bob Barker furnish my first "real" apartment in the city.

<tangent> I say "real" because at the first place I had to share a bedroom and I had 3 roommates that all had live in boyfriends. I didn't care since I was FINALLY living in Los Angeles (my life long dream) but good god that place was not good. </tangent>

Either way, once I got settled I focused back on why I was out here. I need to work in the entertainment industry.

Sure, I was making some great connections working in post, and I got this family-like environment I had been looking for, but it all wasn't enough.

I need to make a name for myself, I thought. I can do this.

I then took classes over at Groundlings (famous improv school) and based on the feedback from my instructors thought FOR SURE I could just go and get an agent.

I then got new headshots done and printed, and began the arduous process of sending out mailings.

<tangent> Back in the day (I have no idea what they do now) you would go to one of these actors resources stores and pick up these actual mailing labels that went on envelopes so you could mail your headshot and resume to agents. </tangent>

I don't remember how many I had sent out in that first batch but I got one call back from this management firm.

We'd like to meet you on Tuesday, said the voicemail. Be at our office on Beverly and ask for so and so.

Bring a headshot, the voicemail continued.

I then erased the message and DAAANNNCCCEEEEDDD all around the apartment.

This is my break! I thought. This is my break!!!! I finally got the attention of an agency!!!!!!!!

I then bought a brand new outfit and went to my audition.

I sat in the office batting my bright blue, still fresh off the boat eyes.

My name is then called and I walk in.

Hello, said the manager outstretching his hand. You must be Jen Friel.

Yes!!! I said not playing a single ounce of this cool.

Please be seated.

He then asked me a series of questions and took a look at my now slightly full resume. (I had done a bunch of plays, and cheesy educational videos.)

What made you want to come out to Los Angeles, he asked?

I belong here, I said. I've known it my whole life. I can't BEGIN to tell you how wonderful it feels being here. I'm so grateful.

We talked for about 5 more minutes as he thanked me and said he'd be in touch.

The next week I then got a voicemail saying that they were unable to accept me at this time but I would be allowed to re-submit in 6 months.

I hung up the phone COMPLETELY devastated, but not discouraged.

Six months. All I have to do is wait six months. I can do that!!!!

I then counted out exactly six months on my doggie wall calendar and set myself a reminder to follow up.

The next six months I spent working, and getting acclimated to the city.

Los Angeles, btw, is not an easy city to get used to for an extremely sheltered East Coaster.

The six months came by before I knew it and I called the management firm back.

Hi, I said. My name is Jen Friel. I auditioned for you six months ago and I'd like to resubmit.

There was a long pause on the line from the receptionist.

You said on the voicemail that you left me after the audition that I could resubmit. So I would now like to.

Sure, she said slightly flustered. Let me put you on hold for a second.

After about 5 minutes she came back and told me that the manager would meet me for a drink at such and such bar.

Great, I said. Thanks so much.

I hung up the phone and had slight anxiety. I'm only 20, I thought. Could I even get into a bar?

Fortunately I had an expired fake ID from a friend in NY so worst case scenario I could use that, but why is he meeting me at a bar? I wondered.

I then met at the arranged time and bar, and as soon as I walked in I saw the manager sitting at one of the tables.

Hello, I said walking in. It's so wonderful to see you again.

Thanks for contacting me again. I always appreciate when someone resubmits.

We then sat and caught up on each other's lives. I was more poised and 5% more grounded than our first meeting. All that I knew in my heart of hearts was that THIS GUY was going to be my way into this town and with his help I could go to a lot of great places. I just have to get him to sign me. My life will be SO much better once this guy signs me.

The meeting continued and I can't describe it, but I could just "feel" this noticeable flirtation coming from this guy. At that point I had only heard of the casting couch, but not knowing what a first hand experience was like, I was a bit confused on the entire process.

He then offered some very valuable advice but topped it with a "well, if you'd like me to help you, I'm sure we can arrange something."

He never came directly out and said, yo! if you fuck me I'll make you a stah dahlink, but it was EXTREMELY obvious what was going on, and I was shocked.

You need to go Jen Friel. You need to go, I thought.

I stood up from the table.

Thank you so much for the drink (which I had no problem acquiring despite my under age-ness), I said. I think I'm going to just continue working in post and see where it leads. Thank you for your time and wisdom. I appreciate it.

I didn't "stoop" down to his level, or do something dramatic like you see in the movies of someone throwing a drink in someone's face at the mere mention of a sexual tryst.

If I make it in this town, I thought, I'm never, EVER going to do it on my back. I'll figure out my own way, I always do, I said with this extreme confidence.

That interaction was 8 years ago.

Flash forward to last week, I was at my buddy Mike's 30th birthday party.

I was sitting with this guy that I had actually dated, and my buddy Steph when I noticed these two dudes at the bar TOTALLY checking me out.

Now, when it comes to shit like that you have to HIT ME OVER THE HEAD.

I never EVER notice dudes hitting on me. Side effect from being last picked at kickball, and never asked out in high school.

I put it out of my mind as more of the group starts to arrive and more drinks are poured.

Two irish coffees later, I then excused myself to use the restroom.

On my way back, I hear someone say, I LOVE your glasses.

I turn around, and it's one of the dudes from the bar.

Oh hi, I said, thanks so much. They are Tom Ford.

They look great on you, he said.

He then outstretched his hand and introduced himself.

The SEEEECCOOOONNNNDDDD he said his first name it hit me like a ton of bricks that HOLY SHIT this is the manager that wouldn't sign me unless I boned him. (Again, he didn't say it outright ... but it was greatly ... GREATLY implied.)

You're the manager, I said to him.

He looked back a little flustered.

You wouldn't sign me when I first moved to LA almost 9 years ago.

I wouldn't sign you? He said genuinely shocked. You're beautiful, he said and you carry yourself with such confidence.

That was actually quite sweet of him to say. All BS aside.

What are you up to now, he continued?

I started a website, I said. It got pretty popular.

I can't wait to check it out, he said. What's the name of it?

Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover. And I'm Jen Friel. Thank you for your compliment, but I am now going to rejoin my friends.

I then abruptly turned around and walked back to my group of friends.

I briefly went into the story.

You just had a Julia Roberts moment, said my friend Steph.

Big ... big mistake. Huge.

I then got home and emailed my current manager laughing at the entire situation.

I quickly googled the guy's name and found out he wasn't even a manager anymore, but he now runs some other operation.

The next morning I then thought about the trajectory of my career and my time spent in Los Angeles. If you would have told my 19/20 year old self that a website and a job in tech could one day be deemed "entertainment" and "creative" I would have laughed at you RIGHT in your face. Tech was always just something that I knew, and like entertainment was always "drawn to" but for different reasons.

When I started this website, I was CONVINCED I was turning my back on entertainment and just saying fuck you to my family, friends, and anyone who tried to get near me. I needed to go on my own personal journey and figure out what I wanted and what all of this meant. Had I been signed by a manager at that time, who knows where I would have gone and what I would have done. It took all of those "nos" to really motivate me and to discover that I didn't need ANYONE to build a name and a brand for myself. All it took was a strong sense of who I was and an understanding of my morals to achieve all that I have today.

I then smiled and thought how wonderful it was that we never ended up working together.

There is a real beauty in not getting something that you want in life. It is your job, however, to understand that and to just let it all go.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go shopping now ...