#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen: You end up in a hotel room in Vegas with a stripper pole & hookers on your birthday

Dec 10

I genuinely don't understand at what point in my life I started having so many hooker experiences in Vegas, but I can say with 100% certainty that this one made me finally question my life choices. The only common denominator in these experiences is me, so WTF am I doing?!?!?!?!

Alrite, lemme take it all back for a minute ...

So, everything started last week. I was supposed to head over to Florida on Wednesday to visit the family for my birthday, but unfortunately I had a series of meetings with agents and a production company that my manager had set up.

She really is this dysfunctional in her love life, said my manager to the producer.

This can't be real, he said.

Oh no, it's very real, I said piping up. My last name is FREE-UL (Friel) aka For Real.

The producers start laughing.

How is it possible though that you date so much and can't find someone? It all seems so analytical.

It is, but so am I. I like to examine things and solve for the why. I'm a mechanic and an efficency freak. I also just find that most men bore me. If I can figure you out and solve for the why before the first round of drinks, we are in trouble.

The room laughed.

It's really hard sitting in these meetings with agents and production companies, btw, because you're talked about like you're not in the room. They go over my story line by line, asking me a TON of questions, and everytime people just stare back at me thinking, there is NO way someone who chooses to be so active in dating can still, after all this time, be single. It's like extreme therapy where these people tell you point blank how fucked up you are, and you just have to sit there and smile and nod. I know I am, I explain over and over. I just can't shut my brain off. If I knew what to do, I'd be doing it.

That was Thursday.

Then, Friday I had a meeting with who will hopefully be TNTML's first investor. Yes, you read that right.

So, I don't want to go into the details, but basically with everything in life, when you stop seeking you find. Because of the new management deal I had signed back in November, I was advised to stop raising capital since the site is self supporting, and to just focus on the new media properties and sell one of the shows.

My manager is a super smarty pants, so it seemed like a no brainer.

THEN, I met this dude and when I told him what I did - he freaked. I want my daughter to work with you, he said. She'd be really inspired by someone like you.

Low and behold this duderino is a SUPER successful business dude in his own right, but also happens to be related to one of the wealthest men in the country.

People like that, btw, LOVE stories where you give everything up and build from scratch. It's always the "courageous" component that catches their attention and gives you this "edge" that all of these fancy pants dudes end up respecting.

Either way, I'm not going to say anything more until this week and the ink is dry on the contract - but when I told him it was my birthday he said he would like to take me to lunch.

Great, I said. I wanted to go over things a bit more anyway. (This guy doesn't even send text messages, but obviously knows new media is where it is at so he and another investor coincidentally happened to be looking for someone like me.)

I sit down at the table and he hands me a gift bag.

What's this, I said?

Your birthday present, he explained.

Dude, you didn't have to get me anything, I said.

You're my new BFF and future investment. I didn't have to, I wanted to.

I then took out the box and enclosed was a Movado watch.

You got me a Movado, I said COMPLETELY shocked.

Yes, he said with a smile. Do you like it?

I don't just like it, I said, I've wanted one since I was a teenager.

<tangent> I lost ALL of the materialistic bones in my body when I lost everything that I owned in the massive cockroach infestation back in 2007, but a Movado I BEEGGGGEEDDD my parents for as a teen growing up.

Can I please get one, I would ask on birthdays and Christmas.

Are you out of your mind? my parents would ask.

YES!!! I would say without skipping a beat.

I don't know what it is about this watch, but it's ALWAYS caught my eye and for 14 years now, I've wanted one. To now be doing what I LOVE with my life, and to have my passion not only feed my soul but gift me with something like this was truly out of this freaking WORLD!!! </tangent>

I can't thank you enough, I said with a big hug. This is not only extremely extremely generous, but something I have wanted for a very long time.

He smiled.

I then went home and packed my bags for Vegas.

If I couldn't spend my birthday with my family, I HAAADDD to at least get out of LA and party my face off.

My roommate came home a few hours later, and once both of our bags were packed we hit the road!!

VEGAS BABY VEGAS!!!! (Yes, we had to say it)

The roomster had kind of a stressful day on Friday so I ended up driving the entire way.

No worries, I kept saying, just keep resting we are going to need it for Vegas, I said with a smile.

While I was driving through the Mojave I reflected on my week, and on the last few times I had been to Vegas.

I understand that I'm not "normal" when it comes to dating, but I really did fall in love two Vegas trips ago.

Having empathy and being capable of love are two things on the check list of making sure you're not a psycho, or sociopath.

YAY I'M NEITHER!!! I thought.

I then thought about Antonio and tears formed in my eyes.

I loved him so much. I loved him so so much. Even on my last trip to Vegas, and missing my flight, the ONLLLYYY thing that mattered to me at ALL that morning was making it back to see him. How can you have someone make such a dramatic impact on your life and as quickly as they arrive, have them leave you? He doesn't return my calls, he won't talk to me. I recognize this is where putting on my big girl pants comes into play, but that pain of finally allowing yourself to get close to someone and having them then want nothing to do with you ... wow, I can't stop crying ... that pain is deep.

I would have married him if he let me. I would have popped out all of his babies from my belly. I am if nothing else EXTREMELY decisive and when I focus on something, it gets done. Period end of sentence.

He claimed he couldn't stop me from my "rising" career and he couldn't be responsible for taking me off the market.

I personally think it's bullshit, but again, not a day goes by without thinking about him. That drive through the desert only made it worse. Wondering what he is doing, if he still thinks of me.

Snap out of it Friel, I said to myself. It's done. Appreciate people for what they allowed you to feel, and have no attachments.

A few hours later we arrived in Vegas and I popped our first bottle of champagne.

(I'm obviously 28 not 21 - but the only other ridiculous "happy birthday" things they had at Walgreens were tiaras. I am not a fucking princess and am NOT a tiara person. So, the sash it was.)

We then went downstairs in our hotel, and as we were getting into the elevator two Cowboys came in.

One of them had "short roping" on their shirt.

What's short roping? I asked completely unfiltered.

Oh, it's a sport, he said. We're in town for the rodeo convention.

I stopped him.

Wait, there is a rodeo convention in town this weekend?

Yes, he said.

That is amazing, I replied back. We don't have cowboys in Los Angeles.

The elevator door then opened.

What are you guys doing right now?

They both looked at each other.

Nothing, they said.

Great, come sit down with us. I'd like to pick your brain.

The boys did so, and within minutes Julie and I were learning about the difference in formal wear in cowboy casual. The straw hat which one of the guys was wearing, was more of an "every day" type hat where as the felt one the other dude was wearing was representative of a "fancier" affair.

And what about the belt buckles, I asked pressing on.

These are like our medals, he explained. We won these in competition.

I stared down at the massive belt buckles and was immediately impressed.

So these are like trophies, said Julie, but instead of having them on a shelf you get to wear them.

Yes ma'am, said one of the cowboys.

Can I ask you more of a personal question now?

The boys moved up closer in their seats.

Sure, said one of the cowboys.

Now, you guys obviously use a lot of rope doing what you do, but does that ever translate into your nocturnal activities? Like, are cowboys naturally into a lot of s&m?

They both start laughing.

Well, I tied up a girl for the first time in the 8th grade, but I mean other than that not really. I never thought about that connection though, that's funny.

Moments later we ended our evening. Sorry to be lame, I explained to the guys, but we are going to have a big day tomorrow and we need to get some shut eye. Let's take a picture though before we go, I said.

So ... we did ...

Julie and I then woke up the next morning and wandered around Vegas.

From the slots to the roller coaster at the NY, NY - nothing went unexamined.

That roller coaster though? Super painful and rickety. We were not happy campers.

As we got off though, I got a tweet from my buddy Carlos inviting us to GhostBar Day Club and their neon party.

It's 4pm in the afternoon in Vegas, I said laughing. Of COURSE we would get an invite to a neon party.

Yes, yes, yes, and more yes, I tweeted back.

He then told me who to ask for, and after a quick cab ride, we arrived at the Palms and met up with Carlos.

The view from Ghostbar is SO freaking spectacular ...

Moments later we then hit the dance floor, and out of no where my ass gets hit with this foamy stick thing.

A guy then jumps down from his table and introduces himself to me.

That was quite a way to get my attention, but sure! I said laughing.

Where are you from, I asked?

A small town in Massachusetts, he said.

I'm from Connecticut originally, I said back. I bet I know that small town.

He then told me which one, and come to find out I had family that lived there growing up.

I laughed saying wow, that's super podunk.

Yeah, he said.

We then danced our faces off, and the boys kept our drinks very full.

After a few hours the party was closing down and we were then invited back to the Hard Rock to kick it.

I looked down at my Movado watch.

Dudes, it's like 6pm and we're having this much fun. OOOOHHH Vegas!! I said. Yes, let's go to the Hard Rock.

We then got in a cab and walked into the main lobby of the Hard Rock.

While my dude and I were chit chatting, I see someone walk past us out of the corner of my eye.

Julie then FREAKS out.

OMG, was that Dave Chappelle? She asked.

I turn back around and start laughing. YEP!! I said, good eye!!!

OOOHHHHH Vegas, I say again.

We then head up to the room, and the first thing we are greeted with is a stripper pole.

This is a special room, explained my dude.

I laugh saying, oh I know. This I've never seen before, I admitted.

More of the guy's friends come in at that point and we all start chatting.

Two of the dudes had been or were married and also both had children.

I asked them about their thoughts on monogamy and whether or not it was truly "worth it" having kids.

I can't imagine my life without them, one of the guys said.

Really, though?? I mean REALLY???

Yes, he said with a smile.

<tangent> This is definitely one of the things that I love about doing what I do. These dudes don't know me from shit, so the fact that they can be SO honest and SO truthful in this moment, it was really cool. Way to just cut out the bullshit of life and find bottom lines. </tangent>

I had a great, great conversation with those dudes.

This is going to be a great night, I thought to myself.

Moments later my guy comes out and tells me that there are some uh, "special ladies" coming by.

Knowing IMMEDIATELY what he meant, I laughed saying dude - I'm gonna bounce. I've seen this, been there, and done that before and this is your guys' Vegas trip. I'm not going to have sex with you, but PLEASE enjoy yourself.

One of the dudes then high fives me.

Who the hell are you? That's the best answer ever, he said.

Dude, for reals though. This just isn't my scene, and we're not going to bone. I don't do that anymore but I just wanted to let you know that up front.
My dude then kisses me SUPER passionately.
This only makes you that much hotter. Please stay.

Alrite, I say back.

Moments later a group of girls arrive. Clearly by their attire you could tell they were "working."

I have to say though, I might not agree with what these women do for a living, but I DO think their energy is fascinating. Escorts don't miss a trick. They're EXTREMELY present and it's this "jolt" that you can feel when they enter a room. It's not sexual, it's just this heightened level of awareness which I'm sure for them keeps them very safe on a physical level.

The girls then start undressing as they laid the comforter on the floor.

They placed my dude on the ground as they both started grinding on him.

We are all instructed to sit down.

Oh god this is my life right now, I think watching two naked women grind all over this dude.

Again, not mad at it, but I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE!!!!! It's so freaking boring man. I would have KILLED to go back and just talk to everyone like we had just been doing the hour prior. The guys were super smart, but this is just an animalistic act and COMPLETELY disinterests me.

The girls then invite me down to join them.

No thank you, I say again. I'm really good. I like to watch. ::bullshit::

Just let go, said one of the guys.

I SHOOOOOTTT back at him this look. I've done this before, I've explained. Many many many many times before. I'm really good, I said and these women are quite beautiful. Enjoy the show.

Two more women then sat down next to me and again try to get me to be a part of the action.

I'm REALLY good, I said again with more anger.

One of the women then pulled out a Sidekick phone.

Seeing the old phone was like a record scratching in my brain.

WAIT, I said. Hold the phone. (literally) Is that a Sidekick?

Yes, she said.

I haven't seen one of those in YEARS, I replied back. I thought they stopped making them.

I stared at her manipulating the device. I was genuinely fascinated seeing one in the wild again.

The woman, also a working girl, wasn't amused. I wasn't intentionally dissing her cellular device but WHO USES THAT PHONE ANYMORE?!?!?!!? I was shocked. So. So. So. Shocked.

My dude then stood up from the comforter and invited me into the back bedroom.

Two of the other girls followed.

Oh boy, I thought. This isn't going to end well.

I'm really good, I pressed to my dude. I told you this hours ago that this isn't my scene. Do whatchoo gotta do man! I'm just going to go.

He then kissed me as we both sat down on the bed.

I looked up and saw a BIG mirror.

Of course, I thought.

Two of the girls then came in and removed his pants.

He continues to kiss me.

This is happening ... this is happening ...

The girls then talk SUPER dirty as they play with him and he makes out with me.

Yeah baby, you've got such a big dick, you want to fuck that chick with it.

I immediately start laughing.

In the story of my life, this moment isn't happening, I thought.

I can't be responsible for having two hookers jerk off a guy I am kissing while sitting on a bed with a mirror above it.

Hell no.

Hell.

No.

I stand up.

Thank you for everything, I said. But I'm going.

He smiles, as I bid adieu to his friends and high five my way out the door.

I then met up with Julie, who had left when I had gotten pulled into the back bedroom.

What happened, she asked? As we sat down at the bar at Planet Hollywood.

Nothing, I said. I had a wonderful evening, but this isn't my scene anymore.

Wow, she said. You've changed. Do you think you would have said that a year ago?

No, I said. But I've SEEN all of this before. Threesomes, orgys, escorts, it bores me so much now. I'm ready for a new challenge and I'm ready for actual intimacy. What was going to come from that scenario? Me having sex with that dude, friending him on Facebook and then never talking to him again? That's not who I am anymore, and it took me falling in love over the summer to realize that.

I'm impressed, she said back.

I'm tired, I said. Let's go back to the hotel.

AAAAAANNNNNNDDDD there you have it nerderinos.

I not only became this weekend another year older, but apparently slightly wiser. It's just not my scene, man and to not be upfront with that guy about it wasn't fair. As long as I was in that room he was still going to try to hook up with me which was NOT going to happen. Time to go. =)

Thank you all SO SO SO much for the birthday wishes. It was truly overwhelming and extremely kind of you all. Fingers crossed everything gets negotiated and signed this week!! Will def keep you all posted.