#NerdsUnite: The Art of Baiting
<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
I sort of discovered this skill by observing naturals in action. I noticed that they never really ask questions (unless they want to) and have what is often referred to as “the gift of gab.” What they do is quite simply TALK – they are telling someone, indirectly, who they are. They don’t, for example, haul out their resume and list all of the cool things they have done. Rather, they indicate them via their stories, comments and replies.
Baiting can be defined best by an example. Take a close look at the following dialogue and see if you can understand where I am baiting the woman.
ME: (touching her sweater) Mmm ”cashmere.” Love a warm sweater. Growing up in the mountains, I always had such warm clothes for the wintertime. Whenever I wear one now, it reminds me of my youth.
HER: The mountains? Where did you grow up?
ME: Oh, the mountains of North Carolina. I lived there through high school. Growing up in a small town, and particularly when you mother has a central position in the community, you learn a lot about everything – government, the arts, personalities, scandal, commerce. You name it. Small town life makes people very well-rounded.
HER: What did your mother do?
ME: She published the local newspaper. So, we learned about everything first, then communicated it to the community in print. We had some wild experiences in that place! Obviously, though, I left, and ended up focusing on a career in school – which helped me get to where I am today.
HER: Where did you go to school? What are you doing now?
OK, so I could go on forever with this scenario. Baiting is when you demonstrate your personality, inviting a question from her to you. So, you do not want to reveal an ENTIRE fact about your life.
What you want to do is to HINT at it, thus, baiting a question from her. This helps guys get out of the traditional pattern of asking tons of questions of her, and gets her asking questions of you. This is a much more powerful dynamic that gets her chasing you.
This is a very elegant skill, one that is subtle, but very very empowering.
As I mentioned, the basic rule of thumb is to bait her until she is asking you questions. THEN, feel free to ask questions of her. Get it?
Also, it is very important that you demonstrate your interest in her by asking questions and complimenting her. This should be done in the “connect” phase. It is critical that you let her know that you find her interesting, and worth getting to know further.
But, only do this when she has indicated an interest in you by asking questions of you. When she does this, you know she is hooked. Otherwise, why would she ask you a question?
By baiting her, she is the one to shift the dynamic into the “getting to know you” stage of an interaction, rather than you. It is an essential skill to hooking her into the conversation.
This technique empowers you out of the traditional question asking scenario (BORING), and into the more interesting dynamic of you leading by demonstrating your personality. You come across as more powerful, and less supplicating. Naturals do this all the time.
I challenge each of you to get out into the world, and TRY this skill of baiting with the people you naturally meet. The next woman you are introduced to, try simply indicating who you are via this social skill. You never want to directly brag to anyone about anything, but you can indicate things subtly which can then pique someone’s interest. This is the best way to build fascination and intrigue in my experience.
Good luck!
#nerdsunite
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.