I met a human body chemist earlier this week. Super rad mofo, mama likes - for izzles. He's super hot by commercial standards of measurement, and a total newbie to OKC. I've asked him to send me some of his honest to goodness reactions on some of the chicks that he comes across. Nerds, meet exhibit A!
Ok so first of all, she begins her self summary with the fact that she is "looking for whatever I can get!" Not a great start - especially considering this is the portion of the profile where one summarizes themself. Did she not realize there is an entire section titled "what I'm looking for," where one can put "looking for whatever I can get!" Wow. Fail.
Next up, her profile says that she works at a bar where "the expected is never expected... if you get my drift..."
Ummm, no sorry I don't get your drift. Are we talking Patrick Swayze Roadhouse style redneck rampage, spontaneous breakout orgies, vampire stripper cocktail waitresses? You gotta be more specific here sweetheart. AAAAAAANNNNNDDD chase that with a slaughtered Forest Gump quote, mmmmm smooth.
Then she puts a final emphasis on her try-me-I'm-easy message by saying I should contact her if I think she's worth my time.
Ok, now, I'm not gonna lie, she's hot, so the guy in me is tempted to slam dunk this latenight happy hour freebie, but I don't know if I could make it through the 30 minutes of mind numbing conversation it would take to get her drunk enough. God I feel like an asshole right now, but come on, really? This one is too easy.
Alrite, Jen here - the human body chemist was right ... this one is TOO EASY! Babe, first off ... on the 6 things you can't live without, your NUMBER ONE ... your NUMBER ONE THING YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT IS LIPGLOSS?!?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! LIP GLOSS!!
This chick is 23, not 13. Speechless. I am speechless.
Text: I spend a lot of time thinking about how much fun I want to have. Translation: Take me to Vegas, and I'll fuck you, your buddies, and even your buddies girlfriends.
Text: I'm really good at ummmm making someone smile ... especially in a time of need. Translation: I give good head.
What you're doing with your life ... you're in school after a long "subatical?" Go, get back to English class now, or at least a computer class and learn where the spell check is.
Bless this girls heart. She's beautiful, but wow - perfect prey. The tragic part about a chick like this though is that these are the ones that breed. For reals, smart people are smart enough to know what birth control is, or at least know how to google "how to control Z pregnancy." I weep for the future.
