#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick (are we there yet?)

Feb 15

Written By Jen Friel

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying:Shake it out - Florence and the Machine

Side note: GUESS WHO PAID OFF THEIR PARKING TICKETS!!!!! All of 'em!!

I was able to get some of the fees and shiznat down. Amazing what strong negotiation skills can get you in life!

Anywho, hi friends!!!

This week has been rather loverly. Not only did the dating detox officially end, BUT I have been sitting in production meetings all week.

I signed on with this rad manager back at the end of last year, and he wants to take a lot of the business models I've created, and storytelling within social media and expand it. (The shows won't necessarily include me, but will include this lifestyle and my business and brand in general.) It's pretty cool, but requires meeting after meeting (averaging 3-4 a day) saying the same thing over, and over, and over. It's conversational, and less of a "pitch" but dude, I'm SO SICK of hearing myself speak at this point!!!

It's also TERRIBLY emotional going to these places that I write about but rarely speak on.

It's not easy admitting to a room full of producers that you had a nervous breakdown at 22,are still dealing with issues of acceptance, and while I am killing it in business right now I am STILL single after hundreds and hundreds of dates in the last few years.

Dudes, I even dated one of the producers at the production company. Hilarious story, it was 8 years ago and at the time he was an assistant at some agency. I only remember him because I barely dated at the time. I doubt he recalls me, but who knows.

I don't know what I am doing anymore. I thought this detox was going to be my answer, and all it did was leave me with more questions. I know that every time you "seek" something, you will never find but doing things like this normally sparks some sort of SOMETHING in my noggin that will lead me down the next path.

A bunch of the producers have been asking, so this is all for real?

YES!!!! I say super passionately. NONE of this has been for "content" and NONE of this has been just for the stories. I am GENUINELY trying to find someone and GENUINELY trying to better myself in the process. The documentation keeps me on my toes and allows the internet to call me out if I'm spewing any bullshit.

I'm not even picky, I said to a writer over lunch yesterday. All I want is a guy that is passionate about what he does, loves his life, and is smart.

He stared back at me with this death gaze.

You really believe that, he said. Interesting.

Of course, I believe it, I thought.

Judging by my current state though I processed if I should scrap the drawing board all together.

You're a lot sweeter than I expected, he said.

What does that even mean, I thought?

FUUCCKKKKKK!!!

It hasn't been easy putting so much of my life online for the last 3 years, but I have to say it is even worse to verbally articulate it to people you've only met a few minutes beforehand. I have NO problem talking about it with you guys because there is a relatable level in the dynamic; this however, is a neutral party sniffing out a story and trying to understand who you are. It makes you feel like you're in a pea-tree dish just chillin.

It is extremely strange, exhausting, AND I still have all of the work that I normally have to do anyway compressed into just a few hours.

I know, I know, world's tiniest violin.

Dating was always an escape for me, and now I'm too bored and uninspired to even go out on a single date.

What does all of that mean?

Fuck, what am I doing, and are we there yet?