#DatingDetox: Dinner party of 8. Uh, I've never even cooked for 2!

Life

Jan 25

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This is either going to be a COMPLETELY awesome evening, or a COMPLETE mess. There is going to be no in-between.

Watching TV with my boyfriend the plant. I've decided to name him Walter.So, part of my dating detox is cooking dinner for friends. Not a problem, I sent an invite out to a bunch of peeps ... to my surprise though everyone RSVPed. Now my little dinner party is a pretty big dinner party and all of the sudden I am going from being a virginal cooker for 1 to a master chef for 8.

My mother and my grandmother are/were INCREDIBLE cooks. Instead of growing up wanting to follow in their footsteps, I realized early on my value add would be in developing some sort of niche. Rather than spend time in the kitchen trying to process things I didn't have strong value in, I would instead hide out in the home office and spend hours and hours and hours on the computer.

My mom would say over and over, but don't you want to learn how to cook?

No, I would reply back sharply. The only thing I will ever have to learn to make in life is reservations.

I totally wasn't kidding either.

I was such a princess as a kid.

Either way, on the "path to self" I decided it would be cool to get one of my mom's recipes and actually try and make it. Also never having cooked for people before it only made sense to do it for my friends as well.

Now, this is happening. Tonight, I am hosting not only dinner but a girly slumber party and a chick flick marathon (also on the list).

I have to admit there is something truly beautiful about doing a detox. I can't remember a time I felt so healthy. I spend my days working, and evenings either out with friends or at a spin class. I feel like the entire process is really grounding and allowing me to focus on strengths instead of being reminded how horrible I am at dating. It never occurred to me how much it messed with my self esteem.

Dudes, I was walking down Santa Monica blvd yesterday after closing a new sponsorship & having two crazy awesome meetings and I caught myself TOTALLY strutting my stuff. I had this swagger in my step that I get when I'm domming a slave, but just out and about in my normal people shoes? That was a first.

I can't stress how great all of this feels. It's not about the list or the finite amount of time I have given myself to execute - it's the nurturing of self. I've never done this before!!! Sure, it feels weird sitting on a couch at 11:30 at night stone cold sober talking to a plant, but everything that didn't feel weird has lead me to this place of still being single and emotionally unavailable. Before I can be with anyone else I have to reach a place of love and contentment within myself. And not just professionally!! (I got that shiznat on lock) It's gotta be personal. I've released all of the shame I still held onto from childhood and now it's time to rock my awesome and really. freaking. own. it.

Now if you'll excuse me, but I have to go and jump on my bed for 4:07 while listening to Nelly's Hot In Herre.

Why?

Because it feels good.