Fun with #IRL dating: My first true blue dinner date

Sep 5

I don't know what hormone I am secreting right now ... but GOOD GOD are men treating me so differently. These are all people I've met IRL too. So there's not a CHANCE they've read anything that I'm manifesting in my life on this website.

Hold on I'm getting ahead of myself, here's the song that goes with the post ...

So, I've made a pretty stern declaration that my life is going to change. I can on an energetic level feel that I have gone on this massive, massive journey only to return right back home. Everything that I do now is professionally speaking icing on the cake, and after being SO focused on that for the last 3 years, I am finally ready to clean up my personal life and make serious changes in dating and in friendships.

Want.

To.

Be.

In.

Relationship.

Period end of sentence.

I've been saying all year that I was definitely starting to look, but over the last few weeks after realizing I was slipping back into a depression leading a life that was "fun" but "meaningless" was COMPLETELY unacceptable.

I immediately changed my phone number, negating all of the booty calls and bullshit texts from guys that literally mean nothing to me. Being a female you genuinely can't help the attention you get from men, but what you can do is put up boundaries with their access to you.

Good luck getting access now, mothafuckas!!!

I've only given my actual phone number to a very select few very close friends and everyone else is getting a google voice number that I have set on my iCal to be changed every 30 days.

Mean.

Business.

I'm sick of this bullshit and I'm sick of constantly isolating myself. I want to get married and I want to have kids in the next 5 years, and to get to that stage I have to let down my walls and allow someone to actually get close to me. To allow someone to get close to me, I have to lay down the scar tissue and not be so afraid of getting burned again.

All of this sounds SUPER EASY to do in theory, but in actuality the execution is really fucking hard.

Either way ... I've decided one of my first doable actions in this process would be the end of all of the casual dating that I do. It was fun at first getting to know so many people and truly understanding from a first hand experience how people operate - but after not only the 103 dates in 9 months but the fact that TO THIS DAY I still average 2 dates a week, I am somewhere around "cannot be phased" and "completely disinterested." I experienced so much life that I actually desensitized myself to it and forgot what everything meant.

I then put my foot down and said screw just grabbing a beer with dudes, I want a dinner!! I want to actually SPEND time getting to know some of these men, and who knows - maybe be proved wrong throughout the process.

With that declaration MUST have come a change in my energy because HOLY HELL have men been responding differently to me.

First, was the dude from the beach on Monday. Sure I got him to strip in the bar, but this dude REALLY wanted to date me.

Do you got a guy, he asked?

No.

Why not? How are you not married, he asked? I want to take you to dinner.

I live in Encino, where are you?

You all know the rest of how this goes ...

Then yesterday, while waiting for the bus after this casting I had to go on, this guy approached me and asked if he could buy me a muffin.

Can I have breakfast with you, he asked?

I politely turned him down, but then he asked if he could give me a ride to anywhere I wanted to go.

He seemed super sweet and harmless, but it's not my scene to accept rides from strangers (only strangers with candy) so he peaced in the middle east.

That was so peculiar I thought. I sent a declaration out to the universe about having a meal with men, and now two days in a row - men have approached literally asking me to dine with them. Stellar manifestation!!!

Interesting.

THEEENNNNN I get into the office over at io/LA and I walked over to Fresh and Easy to get a gatorade. On the way, I pass this tour bus company. Almost every day the guys will say something complimentary. Never, ever, a cat call - but yesterday, one of the guys literally grabbed me taking motioning me to take off my headphones.

You look like a manga character, he said.

Like the comic? I asked.

Yeah, he said laughing.

Aw, thank you, I replied and went about on my way.

THEN on the way BACKKKKK, he stops me again this time handing me his card ...

I'd like to take you to dinner this week, he said. Dinner AND a movie.

I stare at him kind of shocked.

Really ... again?!?!

Guys have NEVER NEVER NEVER asked me to dinner prior to this week. The common vocabulary used is "would you like to get a drink?" or "can I take you out?" which will then translate upon making plans to just mean end up meeting at a bar strictly for drinks.

The ONLY thing that has changed is FREAKING ME!!!!!! Again, these guys aren't people I'm meeting online, this is just random out and about-ness.

I then actually had my first fancy pants dinner date (scheduled weeks in advance) and I have to admit I'm kinda not mad at it.

He was older, super cute, uberly successful, already has a daughter.

I've never done online dating, he admitted over dinner at Koi.

I'm very private and secretive.
You do understand the paradox then of dating someone like me?
Yes, he says, I understand - but you also have to ask yourself, why did you go out on a date with me?
I guess you're right, I admitted. Maybe I'm seeking a change as well.

We talked partially about my business, not honestly at my choosing but more because he was so curious about everything that I do.

You're a walking billboard? he asked but what about when you want to settle down and have kids? Would you keep publishing everything?

I'm a lioness, I then admitted. I don't even think I'd post a SINGLE Facebook picture of my child when I have them. I'm very very very protective but I guess we'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

<tangent> When I had Happy Hour with one of my stalkers on Friday he asked about Antonio and it took ALL of my strength to not jump across the table and tell him to NEVER mention even his NICKNAME!!!

I then of course thought about it, and realized well, I'm the one putting it out there, so this is what I get. I don't want people talking about him, I thought. I'm not okay with it. </tangent>

I then explained to my date, again, that I am looking for other lifecasters to come in so I can groom them. My job right now is to bring other people on that can do what I do. I found the business and the formula, but now it's time for new leaders - I'm not special only awesome and this brand will one day be MUCH bigger than just me.

We had a lovely conversation and meal. I wasn't mad at it, but I honestly could have told you in the first 5 minutes that I would have had a second date with him.

I'm really really really good at reading people.

He's now off to Singapore for work, and I'm off to San Fran this Sunday for a corporate sponsored adventure so our schedules aren't going to match up for a bit - but either way, it was a good first start.

The entire process though is still so so hard though. I know I can't have an attachment to Antonio, and I am COMPLETELY okay with that ... but he set this bar. We connected SO much on our first date. I kept thinking with my date last night that if the tables were turned and if this guy flew me to Vegas what would I do?

I thought about it and thought about it ... and I very very very honestly don't think I would have said yes. There is this calm and centered-ness in Antonio that I have yet to experience with another man. I'm extremely dominant and with him I just shut everything off.

<tangent> It was funny I told him last weekend that I was a domme with slaves, and he teased me about it this weekend saying, do you REALLY think you could ever dominate me??

HAHA I'm smiling even just thinking about his expression.

Most guys want to out dominate a domme, but he's genuinely the only guy that I've ever met that could out strategise me enough to be able to actually do it. </tangent>

I'm certainly devoted to this cause and am willing to accept the fact that Antonio was a fluke and an anomaly. It's my responsibility right now to keep declaring what I want from my life and from the universe and allow it to manifest.

I don't have plans Saturday night so I'm hoping to schedule a date in enough time - but either way, my next true blue dinner date won't be until next Friday after I get back from SF.

I am committed to doing this.

I will be a better person.

Loneliness, be gone!!