#NerdsUnite:The What If? (The What If? Part 8 - The END!)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi
After the Yes, I was pretty pumped for a few days, knowing Ophelia though I wasn’t going to call a lot, or text. She hated over communication, which was one of her reasons for not choosing me in the first place. The whole “Independent Woman Thing”. So a few days go by, I hazard a call. No reply. Well having gotten a yes, I kinda figured that might mean more talking. So I wait a few days more. No call. Now I have a strict rule about calling and texting. Never call more than once a day, never text more than twice without answer. If someone doesn’t respond then, they don’t want to. Simple as that, it’s the dawn of a new age. Sometimes texts don’t go through, but if you call and leave a message you know that went through. I let another few days pass and I call her again. Nothing. Seriously, miffed at this point, I then go about my business. At the bars that night with a group of friends she calls. I leap out of my chair and ran outside to answer.
She sounds slightly annoyed. I grew very perceptive of her tonation and mannerisms. She starts with, “So we need to talk...”, and every guy in the world knows that crushing line. She started talking and we talked for an hour about her and I and how she really felt about everything. She talked at length about how she just really couldn’t make herself feel the way I wanted her to feel for me. I said I understood. She went on to tell me how I’m everything she should want and yet she just doesn’t feel it. So I asked her, “You don’t think you will ever feel this way?” She replied, “No.” I told her, well that’s all I need. She immediately went into a I’m so sorry, and all that jazz. I just said, “Look that’s all I needed, that’s all I ever wanted. A clear yes or no. You always gave me, not now, I’m not ready, maybe in the future, or soon.” I wish I had used the lemon rule then. It would have saved me a year, and a whole mess of heartache. She asked if I was Ok and I replied, “I have never felt so free in all my life.” Which may have sounded a little over joyous. Dear audience for 11 years this girl had been at the back of my mind. The great, “WHAT IF?” She had been carried through every relationship I ever had, and that whole year kept me terminally in a love coma. Free was the understatement. I had finally, gotten an answer to a question that had haunted me forever. Once again it was still a NO and rejection sucks. However, I no longer had this cloud over me. This hesitant part of me telling myself there may be something better that I had missed.
Going back to the bar my friend Sully caught me and asked if everything was alright. She’s one of my closest friends and has always been there for me. I said, “Actually... Yes. It’s over.” I just breathed in and let it pass. Just like that the ball and chain of wonder was shed and I walked with a lighter step. Freedom has its costs, sometimes it’s not getting what you want. Not getting what you want isn’t fun. In the long run. If you are so focused on getting one thing you miss things that are right before your eyes. You blind yourself to the wonders that people hold around you. Your pursuit becomes your passion, and your true passions are left out to dry. I will never abandon my true passions again; I will never set myself aside for a single person forsaking all other options. I am whole again and I intend to keep it that way. This may have been a very bumpy road to travel, but I am very glad I saw it through to the end. No more what if? I never have to have that shadow over my soul again.
To the girl in this story, I don’t wish her ill will. She didn’t rob me of anything, I stole this time from myself. I only wish she had been more honest with me at the very start. We were friends and while I still think many of our best relationships are born in friendship, some just aren’t meant to be. So there you have it. My greatest heartbreak. It feels good finally getting it out of me. Maybe the next girl I’m with will enjoy my dedication to her, my art, and writing that she inspires. Maybe she’ll like to communicate and find a love for both my soul and heart. That’s the girl I’m seeking. That will be the girl I settle down for. Until then let’s get back behind this crazy adventure that has become my life.
#nerdsunite
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