#RealDeal: Today, I am reminded of what everything means

I've had a pretty rough 24 hours, I'm not going to try to sugar coat it. Losing my phone, and then having my entire checking account drained was not only a nuisance but a violation. 

It was only just now taking a break from filming that I was then reminded of this conversation that I had earlier in the week though that put everything in perspective for me. 

Lemme break this all down ... 

On ... Thursday ... yeah ... I had drinks with this super fancy pants duderino. He's literally the son of Hollywood royalty but also just spent the last two years volunteering around the world. Again, on my kick of asking "but what does all of this really mean?" - I didn't want to miss out on this opportunity despite us just meeting earlier in the week. 

What do you think it all means, I asked over beers? 

You've been really rich, you've been really poor - at the end of it all what did you learn?

He looked up at me, and said honestly? 

Of course, I replied. 

I spent an hour yesterday watching people stare out at the ocean. It was a very beautiful life experience. This is an actual photo I took from the grass. I grew up thinking that I needed a G6, or a mercedes to feel fulfilled. Then, I got it, and so did my friends. Now we're all bored. I learned so much in the last few years volunteering and traveling the world - it was those experiences that really meant something to me, not just the material things. 

I get that, but tell me more. Like if you had to describe to me the single most important thing in life, what would it be? 

To be happy, he said. 

Ah yes, happiness, I said. 

He then turned and sternly looked back at me. 

What do YOU think all of this means? 

I started laughing as I sipped my beer saying, I haven't come to an educated conclusion yet. 

Come on, he pushed. 

Fine, I said. 

What do I think all of this means? Fine. 

You're right, happiness is DEFINITELY the key, but also so is intimacy. I never understood that until recently how important it is to not just share things with the world but to experience shared space with a single other person. It's powerful, I said, and something that we all take for granted. It doesn't even necessarily need to be with a lover, but just someone that you love and someone that you respect. Life is about sharing and shared experiences in expression. 

I agree, he said. 

Flash forward to last night, I lost my phone and freaked. I didn't care about the fact that "oh god it was an iphone" or anything in between - my phone is my little lifeline, my private space where I have intimate conversations. 

And then to obviously have my entire checking account drained as well, totally sucked. Even though I did shut everything off within 40 minutes of the theft - there was just nothing cool about any of this, and I genuinely won't have money now until Monday at the earliest. (Despite the fact that in 6 hours I am boarding a plane to head to Miami.) 

This morning I woke up feeling a little bit better, but still a bit bitter. My parents got really pissed at me telling me I needed to get my act together  ... I do financially need to find more stable ground. Just because something is worth a lot doesn't necessarily translate to cold hard cash. I need to be a bit more capitalistic, which I get. 

Either way, I then filmed a documentary on this website all day and I heard myself say over and over how much I needed to just follow my bliss and how much you create your own reality. I have NO doubt that I attracted this ABSOLUTELY insane life experience. I remember staring at the Speck credit card case and thinking over and over how dangerous it would be if my phone was lost. Again, it was SHEER LUCK that I didn't lose my ID as well ... wowzahs. 

We then wrapped my interview and I crashed on the couch turning on the movie The Bucket List. 

It was the ending, where they summarized what everything actually meant in life. 

I immediately started crying. 

What am I doing, I thought? I'm upset over a fucking phone and money? I might not know just yet what all of this means, but I know it is NOT those two things. The tears then just started pouring pouring pouring out of my soul. 

This isn't life, I thought, these are just tools.

I was then reminded of the lovely emails, tweets, and posts I've been receiving all day with people reaching out expressing how saddened they were at my loss.

Who died, I thought?

I'm making this BIG fucking deal over LITERALLY nothing.

Money comes ... money goes. Like I learned with the massive cockroach infestation material things will manifest and then disappear just like that.

We have no things, we have temporary distractions meant to signify "worth" to the human experience.

What I value the MOST in life is my family, my close friends, and all of you people. THAT matters and if I lost THAT I would be truly upset. The rest is bullshit.

I am still boarding my plane to Miami, and I am still going to figure out how to have an AWESOME weekend completely sans the material distractions. That's all money and even these tech tools are - distractions. Find your bliss, find your joy, speak your mind, and have shared experiences in intimacy. 

THAT is what life is about dear friends, and today, I understood that a little more. 

Off to Miami. No distractions, just life. (And really really really fun sunglasses!!!!!) 

=) 

#namaste

Thank you all so so so much for your donations. Your generosity is immense. I am also getting a ride today to the airport as well as being picked up at the airport and taken to my hotel when I am in Miami. This is all from you guys - THIS is what matters most in life. Thank you for allowing me to have this perspective. One love. 

Sunglasses sponsored by StunnerOfTheMonth.com