#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick (breaking sexual freedom down into doable actions)
PUN INTENDED!!! ::zing::
It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.
Here's an email I got last night ...
First off, thanks for reaching out ... secondly self confidence? oh hell no child, I'm scared as a motherfucker doing everything that I do every day, I just choose to not accept fear as a stumbling block but rather something I walk through to grow on every level.
Regarding the guts to do it - a nervous breakdown at 22 helped. I was an overachiever and people pleaser for 24 years. Being in that state of constantly wanting to please other people will only serve you for so long; it is a temporary high but at the end of the day I was always left with this loneliness and pain that I couldn't explain. I genuinely did not like myself. I didn't know how people got TO liking themselves so when it came to creating this site and launching this brand, I decided to only do things that FELT good to me. They didn't have to make sense to other people, or even myself - but if I wanted to lay on the grass for an ENTIRE afternoon ... I was going to absolutely absolutely absolutely do it. Adventures feel REALLY good to me - so I figured out a way to structure a business model around companies to sponsor said adventures so I could literally do this for the rest of my life. This website, and only this website have now supported me for over 2.5 years.
Life doesn't take "guts," again, I'm just as scared as everyone else ... but one thing I do possess is blinders. I very genuinely do not. give. a. flying. fuck. This is what I want to do, I might not be the CEO of this company in the near future, but I will always. always. always. be the chief vision executer. I literally used to have SCREAMING matches with my parents, and I didn't even speak to my own brother for SIX months in 2010. Do you know how hard that was? I just kept saying over and over to my family that I am holding them all in a place of unconditional love, and that I needed to do what I needed to do for me - and I had to PRAY LIKE A MOFO that they truly loved me back so that they would one day come back.
I'm happy to report that I now speak almost daily to my parental units again, and my family couldn't be prouder.
They all came back around, but again, first I had to do ME and find MY voice. It certainly wasn't easy, and even in some of the earliest posts on this site I cringe at what I wrote because I knew I didn't mean for a lot of it to come out the way that it did - but I'm happy at the same time that everything I do becomes a snapshot in time of my current state of consciousness. This has all just been my journey!
The sexual components of that was the off shoot. I didn't intend to talk about sex as much as I do on this site, in fact, when I launched it I wanted it to be more social media based - but it was hilarious connecting with ALL of these people on these social networks ... sex was only natural.
I wouldn't start off with a conscious intention of exploring your sexuality I would start by finding WHAT FEELS GOOD TO YOU first and understanding that that will have the side effect of changing your sex life as well.
I think as far as swinging goes - again, you have to do you first. Think of everything like a big Thanksgiving dinner. What do you, Sandra, bring to the table? Are you a cranberry girl? Did you cook the whole turkey? Only the stuffing? What do you bring? And then how can you find OTHER people to build out the rest of the dinner. Until you find your voice and what you bring to the table no matter what you're ALWAYS going to wonder - omg omg omg is she going to bring a turkey too? Is it going to be hotter and better than mine? Fuck her, she can't come to our dinner! I hate her!!
The root of your jealousy isn't in the physical attractiveness of the other people, or their sexual openness, but rather your own insecurity of what you bring to the table.
It's a process, so be gentle and loving with yourself - but it all starts again with doing. what. feels. good. It doesn't have to make sense, and again at first it might feel weird .... but keep going, it takes practice and once you make it a habit, welcome to your life changing FOREVER.
My current personal truth is that I am seeking a relationship. What I am doing right now is laying the groundwork for one to come into my life. To do that, I have tamed down the threesomes and orgy watching (I have yet to participate in an orgy spank you very much), but yeah in the future if the guy I am dating is into it - and after we've dated for a while - I'd totally be open to going to a club or something with him and exploring swinging.
I think for it to successfully go down (pun intended) you have to be SUPER STRICT with the boundaries and you both have to be SUPER open with what you are feeling. As I've seen with Mr. and Mrs. Smith it can not only happen successfully, but it actually brings them both so much closer. It's truly spectacular when done right, and done under the right set of circumstances. I have yet to get to that point yet in my life, but I am excited to be laying the groundwork.
Everything in life starts with you my lady! Understand what you bring to the table on all fronts and your sex life will naturally change as a side effect of you speaking your personal truth.
Hope this helps! Keep me posted!!!
Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com
ORRRRR you can message me on Facebook and if it's within 140 characters on the twitter!
Best of luck out there nerds!!
xoxo <3 @JenFriel
Oh and PS. the greatest compliment a woman can receive is that another woman wants to sleep with her. Trust me, get over this insecurity and your liiffeeeee will change!!! =) xoxoxoxo