#Romeo: An update ... kind of
Captains blog: day 26 of my first love aka Romeo coming back into my life and I'm still just as confused as ever on what it all means.
I literally don't know what to do with myself. I'm going out ... I'm dating ... I had two dates this weekend, one of which was the third date with the dialed the wrong number duderino.
I feel energetically depleted for lack of a better word. I literally can't do anything until he makes the next move.
UGH!! Sitting idle is NEVERRRRRR something someone like me ever wants to do. I don't know how to stop and how to not go after something that I want. All I know he needs right now is space, and I'm cool with it .... but this goes ENTIRELY AGAINST MY NATURE AS A HUSTLER!!!
My normal thought process:
Create goal
Breakdown steps into next doable actions
Execute next doable actions
Execute goal
I have no series of next doable actions, I have nothing but this hope that if nothing else I am more than ready to tell him my personal truth (which again is my test right now with the universe) which may be my ultimate personal truth. This one dude has been my heart for 8 years. We've not only been lovers but really really really good friends - and coming from someone that doesn't even want a house plant because it is too much of an attachment ... this is all kind of a big deal.
I don't watch Greys Anatomy, but one of my buddies recommended this scene to help me visualize what the conversation may look like ...
Again Romeo and I never even officially dated. I fell in love with him in our first kiss when I was 19, but I chalked it up to being young and dumb. He then falls in love with me almost 4 years later, and at that point he wasn't living in LA so what was I going to do? Then we BOTH move back to LA but I come back here for the Mentalist, not Romeo. THENNNNN he got so pissed at me we didn't really speak until I posted on him last summer and then the week later he cast me in that commercial.
After seeing him last summer I very honestly never thought I'd be with him again. He looked AH-MAZING and SO FREAKING HAPPY ... how could I not want anything but the best for him?
Wow, I'm literally tearing up at that right now ... he just looked so good.
Him coming back into my life is the ultimate level of wooah. I either sleep too little or too much, I created an entire playlist of all the songs I've written to about him on my spotify ... I don't know what to do. I love him so much it literally hurts and now I'm supposed to sit here idle wondering what is going to happen next?? It's not fucking fair. And furthermore, I'm dating some REALLY great guys right now - and when he came back into my life I was literally HOURS away from getting into something with this other dude that is now obviously shot to shit.
It's horrible. Horrible horrible horrible.
I'm sick of this, but what more can I do except wait?? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Anyone ever been in a situation like this before??? Tweet me ... I beg of you @jenfriel
#FML
