Fun with @MirrorReviews: Introducing, the man who revealed too much
#Nowplaying: Glad you came - The Wanted
These last two weeks have been hands down the most emotionally overwhelming I have ever experienced - personally and professionally I have never felt so jolted, excited, or completely out of my mind scared.
I never ever ever expected Romeo to come back in my life. Like never ever ever ever ever. We had both accepted the fact that anytime the two of us came back together it was never good timing, and per our Facebook correspondences it's in black and white (or blue and white) how matter of fact we both were in wishing each other well.
Every other email contains, "if you're happy then I'm happy" or "I just want you to be happy."
I'm totally tearing up right now writing that, because it can't be more true.
OMG stop it Friel. You're only a few lines in and this is only going to get worse ...
I knew at 19 that I loved Romeo in our very first kiss. It was everything my parents and Disney taught me growing up would happen.
<tangent> My parents met in grade school and have been together their ENTIRE lives ... literally ... and are STILL madly in love. TO.THIS.DAY. if I call my dad from my mom's phone he answers, "hello my lovely bride." They are two of the most absurdly in love people you will ever meet. And of course, they've had their ups and downs - but they ALWAYSSS put their marriage before anything and ALWAAAYYSS communicated very clearly what they were feeling without ever throwing "low blows" in any arguments. </tangent>
I grew up not only thinking, but SEEING WITH MY OWN EYES that soulmates not only existed but a happily ever after was more than a good idea - it was a guarantee ... I just had to allow all the stars to align and everything would happen.
I was an extremely devoted scholar growing up - so boys took a backseat, but when I got out to LA when I was 19 literally my second week in LA I saw Romeo walking into a Super Cuts on a random Tuesday. (Of course I checked out his ass as he walked past me. WINNING!)
Hilarious - but you can read the whole story here.
Alrite, so that part was definitely lust at first sight, but when his lips touched mine a few days later while standing in the street after our ice cream date ... I was a goner. (haha ice cream date. Could you tell I was 19?)
I KNEW IN.THAT.MOMENT. that this dude was it, and that this was exactly what everyone had written and told me about growing up. My time had finally come, I thought, the stars were finally aligned.
OOOOHHH the joys of being young.
Romeo refusing to date me at that time killed a piece of my soul. It wasn't just that I wasn't able to be with him - but the fact that he SMAAASSHHHEEEDDDD 19 years of believing that love really does conquer all, and that dreams really do come true if you only believe.
It was as if he took a torch to the Hallmark card section of my heart and said, the price is wrroonnnggg bitch!
I then picked myself back up (something I've never had a problem doing) and got back to my groove. I was jaded, but also a bit more grateful to Romeo for at least killing my naive nature. Now, maybe, I can set more realistic expectations when it comes to life and love, I thought. My parents are the exception not the rule.
THEENNNNN, as fate would have it - the SECOND I got him out of my noggin, I bumped into him at the gym while randomly stopping to watch a basketball game.
He ran over to me, saying he had wanted to talk to me.
WHHHAAAATT THHEEE FUCCKKKKK, I thought. I literally had to remind myself to breathe as my jaded nature suddenly shed and the reminder that "true love must really exist" came back.
Of course, that didn't last for long however as the story goes.
What was cool though was the fact that he and I in those few months became really good friends. We started to realize that something in us was clearly meant to "be" even if it wasn't dating.
That's where Romeo and I have been for over 8 years. From the ups, to the downs that were my early 20s - he was my dude ... my go to. Guys came and went, but Romeo was always always always there.
It took him 4 years, but on a trip to San Fran after his mom died, he finally said he fell in love with me.
Because of geographic complications, however, I wasn't allowing myself to feel much more and realized that we were simply destined to be really good friends.
I had never been truly intimate with anyone before him, and in fact I barely even knew what the word meant. I grew up being betrayed by literally everyone in life that from a theoretical perspective I should have trusted. Friends, family, doctors - all bullshit. You don't realize when it's happening but a switch in your brain goes off at that point. I stopped seeking true connections with people because the second I let my guard down, I would get hurt or attacked.
You eventually learn to live with it, and actually it's something that to this day makes me killer in sales and in business. I'm missing a chip.
I don't seek attachments with people, nor do I have this intense desire to keep them in my life forever. I have learned to appreciate people for the moment, and if they're around for a bit longer - great, but otherwise ... next!
Obviously now I am seeing that it was because I was afraid of letting my guard down, but at the same time I also through studying Buddhism know that it actually isn't an unhealthy way of being. People aren't meant to be around each other til death us all part - but what IN us would seek that attachment? What in us doesn't feel confident enough, or whole enough as is?
It's been a shit ton of self work, and a life overhaul with a modern day shaman, but I'm somewhere now where I am seeing with a clearer heart and more open eyes.
So, what happens then when I finally hit this state of WANTING to seek a healthy and truly intimate relationship with someone?? Romeo hears my universal call and answers.
It's been 8 days now, and I've never been more scared and more emotionally vulnerable. Again, my animal instinct when feeling like this is FIGHT and GTFO, but I'm not this time. I'm sitting still, and trying to stay as present as possible experiencing everything, and attempting to focus on not having expectations.
I have no idea if Romeo and I are going to date, and I have honestly not a single clue where his head is.
We kicked it on Monday, but more as just friends. We both can't resist each other on a physical level, but for the first time we are both taking things extremely slow - even limiting showing each other where we live.
When he kissed me again for the first time in 2.5 years last Wednesday, I was a goner. AH-gain. and it's also now causing me to call into question everything that I know about life and love.
This is an EXTREME occupational hazard for someone who makes a LIVING talking about LIFE AND FUCKING LOVE.
I'm angry ... I'm excited ... I go from crying tears of joy to straight tears of fear. I don't know what is going to happen with Romeo and I, but what I dooooooo know is that I still have a whole truckload of wisdom to pass on to you nerdy lovers, and I can't THINK of a more appropriate date to review than the one that I had the HOUR before I met up with Romeo - the date with my 99% match.
I briefly touched upon this in my earth shattering Romeo post, but last week I got hit up by a dude on OKC who was in visiting from NYC.
There was nothing that struck me about the dude. His email wasn't anything to write home about, and while he is attractive - it didn't elicit the OMG OMG OMG we.must.meet.now.
I was somewhere between meh, and beh.
THENNNN, I looked up at our compatibility and flipped my fucking shit.
NINETY.NINE. PERCENT.
I have had in the high 90s before, but never ... and I mean nevveerrrr have I had someone even come CLOSE to that high. Never. never. never. Almost two years on OKC!! NEVER!!
I wanted to learn something from this guy.
We then agreed to meet up at 8 to grab a drink, and when I arrived a few minutes later (I was still in shock after receiving Romeo's text at 7:14) I saw him sitting over at the bar.
Hi! I said plopping down in the stool next to him.
How are you, I ask.
Great! He said.
We then sat at the bar and got right into things. It struck me though how on ALL of my dates, I've never actually stayed at the bar. See, normally a dude will meet you at the bar but then when you arrive they will suggest finding a booth or some place quiet to talk. There was ample seating everywhere, and I have no idea why we stayed at the bar but it was enough to note that hmmmm this is different.
I am very much a people person, and after dating so much have learned how to immediately put someone at ease. Within literally minutes I not only got this guy to tell me about his dating life, but also his sex life - and the fact that he not only doesn't want kids but got a vasectomy not too long ago.
Woah, woah, woah - I thought.
He continues ...
I'm big in the poly amory community, and don't believe in true monogamy.
I then assure him, that from an animalistic perspective I agree - however, how can emotionally you be committed to more than one person.
That's the whole foundation of the community, he explained.
I listened to every word coming out of this dude's mouth with a genuine heart and open mind - but I could tell he was "off" for lack of a better word.
The same chip that I am conscious that I am missing, I also recognize in him. The way he talks about people, and sex ... I mean ... wow!
Very very very matter of fact.
He then tells me about his sexual exploits using the personals on craigslist and my brain hit operation OVERLOAD sometime around the "rabbi masturbating to watching him and his private dancing girlfriend fucking on his office desk."
God bless craigslist.
Not long after that story, our time came to an end.
I realized in that exact moment that I had a lot of work to do.
Everyone has crazy years growing up - it's all a part of becoming an adult and maturing. I just so happened to live my wild years online, and while I won't change it for a damn thing - I'd like to settle down with someone which is where this guy and I could not have been on more opposite ends of the spectrum.
Here is my 99%'s dateAbility on Mirror.net:
And for his review ...
There you go. I spent a night with myself and all I learned was that I'm ready to move on, and I'm ready for the next stage in my life.
Time to level up, bitches!!
#thatisall
Want to check out Mirror for yourself? Here ya go! And don't forget to like 'em on Facebook.
OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh
Do you live in LA and would you like to go out on a date to be reviewed? Hit me up!! JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c. I wanna hear from you!! xoxo