Fun with #Mirror: The awesome Aussie getting over serial monogamy
Wow! Night 1 in the field went craazzyyyyyyy awesome last night. Like crazy freaking awesome. Hold on, need a song to go with this post though ...
So, last night kicked off my latest dating adventure - helping nerdy dudes get the girl. See, now I have all of this UNBELIEVABLE information from going out on over 103 dates in 9 months studying the organic root of attraction, and even taking Neil Strauss' students in the field, and oh yeah, the fact that I still have averaged two dates a week for the past year puts me somewhere around dating half of the male population in LA. Dating is my jam; I can dissect this shit like it's mah job! Frankly because now it is!
I posted earlier this week that I was looking for some students, and to my surprise there was an EXTREME amount of interest. I booked 7 dates within the first few hours. AMAZING! You guys ROCK!!
I was a little nervous about kicking something like this off. I made ALL of the guys aware that I would not only be posting on them, but I'd also be reviewing them on the relationship review application, Mirror.net. That's quite the helping to offer to a dude, but again, to my surprise peeps were game!!!
It is through this transparent experience that I hope others can relate, and at the same time I get to help peeps. There is NOTHING more amazing to me than watching guys get more confident in their approach and because I was such a fucking awkward scared human being, I know how to break that shit down for them using their language.
So ... the emails came in ... and the first one was an Aussie who has a bad case of serial monogamy. I've chatted with this dude a bit before, and you could tell RIGHT off the bat that he had the biggest heart ever. He's tagged me in posts and thanked me profusely for various things ... very very very kind soul, but didn't come across to me in the digispace as someone who was very confident. Why does he keep thanking people? I run a brand, so I HAVE to thank everyone for reading, reaching out - etc. But this guy was thanking people for being his friend - that struck me. Why would someone have to thank you for being their friend? Of course people like feeling appreciated, but friendship is a mutually beneficial relationship. I like you, you like me, we totes be besties.
Off the bat, I knew going in I was going to have to talk to him about that. Gotta own yo' shit, man!
We arranged to meet at a bar in WeHo and to my surprise when he walked up he was WAY more attractive than I thought he was going to be. He was well dressed, very composed - this guy could easily, in my opinion, bed any woman at the bar. Period end of sentence.
So, why wasn't he?
I was excited to find out.
He sat down and IMMEDIATELY we got to business. He told me about his past 20 years of dating, the fact that he was in a 18 year relationship and has had a few on and off since. He was very emotional in describing the situations while at the same time veryyyyy down to business.
His body was physically extremely tense, so I touched his shoulder trying to calm him down. I kept saying, dude, its just me - let's chat.
This, of course, is always weird to people at first because they have this perception of who you are by reading your website ... I can usually kick the nerves out of 'em in 5 mins or less though, and this Aussie was no exception.
It was fascinating watching him talk because words were coming out of his mouth (obviously) but energetically he felt like a hummingbird. He's been so wounded, and so all over the place that as a female it comes across in a very heavy manner. Guys aren't supposed to be hummingbirds, they're supposed to be lions, tigers, and bears!! (oh my) Before this Aussie even opens his mouth, this is what he is giving off and he has no idea.
Next doable action:
Step 1) Ground yourself
It's a universal constant that like energy will attract in life. Everything that you are sending out, you will get back. 103 dates in 9 months, 11 second dates, 6 guys I slept with, 4 I wanted more from - the 4 I wanted more from were alllll emotionally unavailable. What did that say about me? Why did I feel those "butterfly" feelings with those 4 guys?? Because chemistry is a recognition of like energy. I was emotionally unavailable, so were they - so SPARKS FLLEEEWWWW!!! These guys weren't the "one" or my "soul mate" - FUCK NO!!! They were just all focused on work like me, or had just had their heartbroken ... anything. But very much not interested in dating, and not interested in true intimacy in any capacity.
How did I get over that? I've spent the last 6 months working with a shaman addressing my own issues.
SUPER FREAKING IMPORTANT when it comes to dating that you need to be self aware. I'm not saying everyone needs a shaman, but I'm saying that for me - it has changed my life forever. Even the concept of being grounded was something so foreign to me. My entire life I've lived going 100 mph, it just so happened that the majority of time it was headed straight to a brick wall.
What the Aussie doesn't realize is that he's so loving, and he gives SOOO MUCHHHHH to everyone, that he's not leaving himself enough love in the process. People like the Aussie desperately want to be loved, so they are overly sharing it with everyone and are very quick to give out their heart to anyone. That's not a healthy base for anything when it comes to dating. You have to know where you stand, and protect your heart and protect your emotional house.
I then asked him about the people he's been dating, his response, all actresses.
I rest my case.
Hahaha actresses are all varying degrees of insane. They seek the light because they don't validate themselves enough (that is also why I got into acting young and why I grew up on a stage. I needed that validation growing up since I constantly felt so ostracized). They want that praise, they want to be told they are special because they don't feel it organically.
The Aussie is attracting the actresses because he is in the same emotional house. He is giving and giving and giving to these women, constantly praising them (and feeling temporarily good in the process), while at the same time not taking any for himself.
I give the guy a lot of credit, I can't imagine being with someone for 18 years and then trying to figure out dating. Again, everything in dating comes back to you, and how can you find you when you've been this other half for half of your life. Very very very intense.
Here is my review of the Aussie on Mirror.net:
It shooocckkkkeeeeeddd me how little confidence this guy had. He's EXTREMELY successful in business, VERY attractive from a commercial perspective - he's the total package, but he's selling himself to women as being half off. No, no, bueno.
And here were my notes on the date ...
Overall the Aussie's dateAbility is fair. He needs to ground himself to stop attracting such emotional women, and build up his confidence. Lots of internal work, but at least now, hopefully by addressing this he now has next doable actions in the process so he can become a better person and attract a more healthy dynamic into his life.
Well done, Aussie! Congrats on taking that big first step and for being brave enough to go out with me in the first place. None of this is easy, but life lived outside of a comfort zone is certainly more rewarding.
Rock on! And keep us posted Aussie!!!!
#thatisall
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OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh
