#Fact: I just gotta get through this ...

Captain's blog: Day ... whatever, I'm not going to keep track of days. 

Feeling an extraordinary amount of anger today. 

I spent all day yesterday on the couch (which was a step up since I was actually able to get out of bed), followed by going out on a hot dinner date in the evening. 

It's total bullshit. I am so so so so sooooo angry at this situation with my grandmother and so so so so soooooo angry that I've been asked by my OWN family to not attend the funeral tomorrow. 

I get that the only thing I ever did wrong with these people was that I was born, and I get that asking them to suddenly (almost) 28 years later decide to turn a new leaf would be the ABSOLUTE definition of insanity - but this is all bullshit. bullshit. bullshit. 

No matter what at the end of the day though, this is my constant. I am now on the other side of the country from my family during this difficult time and there is genuinely nothing I can do but allow myself to grieve and know when enough is enough and when I need to pick myself back up and just get shit done.

I recognize that these are the exact experiences, btw, that create this unshakable confidence in a person. I don't just "assume" I can get through certain things, I KNOOOWWW I can because of life experience. Who knows what this exact experience will prepare me for in the future - all that I do know is that unlike my childhood, I am not alone in the process. 

Today, I have meetings and a happy hour, followed by tonight, I am going to a concert with my very very dear friend. 

Tomorrow will no doubt be difficult, but I plan on throwing myself on a beach to meditate and process, and hopefully go out to a nice dinner or at least meet up with a friend in the evening. 

While I really really appreciate all the kind words and wishes, I genuinely just don't want to talk about it. I will in a week or so write out the story of the last few days, but I'm just over it, man. This woman took captive of a BIG portion of my childhood and I'll be DAMNED if I let her take on anything in my present or my future. 

On the very bright side of things, through AWESOME timing, yesterday GoPro sent me a new camera and some cool gear. (Thanks so so so much Jonathan)

(I get by with a little help from corporate sponsors ...)

Having things that I can creatively focus on is helping tremendously. Dudes, I just got asked to speak at this big conference in Vegas, and on Monday I have a meeting with a feature film production company (I actually met with them last year, and really liked the chica I met with. Now we're going to see if there's something we can do together.) ... as usual, things are rocking and rolling. 

FUCK, I just gotta get through this. 

#nerdsunite

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