#NerdsUnite: Fall into the (generation) gap

Oct 21

a hoi hoi mi amigos,

So, last night I had a WICKED rad convo with the guy I've been seeing that I just had to share. To understand the root of this convo, I kinda have to break some of this down ...

I met this guy online earlier this month. He messaged me and genuinely had one of the BEST profiles I had ever seen. He's already crazy established, has kids (divorced), and is not only SUPER logical and strategic but also into consciousness.

Perfection, right? Totally my type.

He's 46 and while we have both never mentioned our age gap, it's obviously a constant.

Last night was our second date and we saw The Book of Mormon (which btw was AHHHMAZING!!!! I was laughing so hard at points I was legit crying).

After the play we decided to pop next door and grab drinks over at Dillons (one of my fav bars in LA).

As we're walking in, I see a seat available by the bar.

Excuse me, I say to the guy next to the stool, is this seat taken?

He turns around and I say, omg! Hey dude! (It turns out to be a dude I met at Big Wangs like 3 years ago that I friended on Facebook.) Jen Friel, I say clutching my hands to my chest.

HEYYYYY!!! He says with a big smile. The seat is all yours!!

I then turned around going up to another table asking the guys if I could grab their extra chair, and just like that - wham bam thank you ma'am, my date and I had seats.

We sit at the bar.

We both order beers.

My friend pays.

I smile thanking him and introduce him to my date.

My friend's date also came back from the bathroom at that point so the four of us then all took shots and talked for a few moments.

My friend is two years younger than me, but having both him and my date in my eye line kept the notion of age a focal point.

What do you think is worse, I asked my date, (as a female) being in your late 30s or even 40s and having never been married, or being divorced?

Definitely having never been married, he admitted.

Why? I asked.

Because in your late 30s you're extremely pressured to have children immediately. I was just dating this woman, and within the first few weeks of dating she said she wanted to have kids with me.

Weird, I said.

Women who are in their 40s have accepted the fact that they aren't going to have kids, so that makes it easier, but you also wonder what is wrong with them for not being married.

True, I nodded.

What do you think is the "perfect" dating age range then?

27-early 30s, he said.

I laughed since I'm 27.

You're established at that age and you still have this amazing enthusiasm, he admitted.

I totally get it, I said. I have this whole theory on bitches being crazy before they're 25 in LA (especially the more commercially attractive they are).

Women who receive their validation strictly from outside influences are terribly unbalanced and genuinely bat shit. (I can speak from personal experience, clearly.) It wasn't until I came more into my own skin and found EXTREME confidence in professional success that things just "clicked" for me for lack of a better word.

He agreed.

What about you, he asked throwing the question back to me?

I started laughing. You're asking a pro here (he had been teasing me for most of the evening on being such a "dating expert."), so do you really expect an easy answer?

I continue.

I can speak from personal experience that I am finding enormous enjoyment dating guys in their 40s now. I have found guys in their 20s to be too inexperienced in life to keep my interest. Guys in their 30s are all super super super career focused and super super super aware of "getting to that next level" - whatever that means for them. Guys in their 40s though are already at that next level. They've become who they are generally going to be, and are at (I feel like) the same place professionally I am right now.

He agreed.

You have to be careful though with guys in their 30s and 40s though.

What do you mean? He pressed.

Well, I've dated guys in their 30s who were IMMEDIATELY looking to settle down. It freaked me out a few times, actually - I had dudes that REALLY wanted to put a ring on it without even knowing who I was, or anything about me. They were looking for the "wife" placeholder, and I came along and they just said YEP without really thinking it through.

Then, you have the guys in their 40s though that are EXTREMELY set in their ways. Divorced, or forever single - I haven't seen much of a difference. Guys like this obviously are still looking for someone but they need that someone to fit into THEIR life versus searching for the compromise.

Really? We're stubborn? No way, he said with a smile placing his hand on my leg.

Yep, I said. It can be very frustrating.

What do you think is the perfect age range? he then asked.

I'm not sure, I admitted. I'm still finding that part out. There is a big part of me that is always hungry for knowledge and learning. If I at least align my energy with someone older I am not only intellectually stimulated with great conversation, but there is so much I can learn from that person. I strive to surround myself with people better than me.

He smiled.

And there you have it nerds. Apparently I am in the prime of my life and I am still as confused as ever. Fortunately in 100 years we're all dead anyway, so there's really no downside here, right?

... right?