#WTF: About #CES ... can I get a rundown? (Prostitutes, Dr. Dre, 10 Million Dollar Drunk Dude)
OOOOOOHHHHHHH CES, you are always eventful aren't you! First up here's the song that goes with the post ... seems fitting ...
Anywho, so as the majority of you know, last week was the Consumer Electronic Show. It's a place where all of the major tech companies release their latest and greatest. I'm neither here nor there on the show itself. Sure, I think it's cool to play with some of the gadgets, but the place is INCREDIBLY packed - and at packed houses I get SUPER antsy. I fucking HATE crowds. Like hate 'em! Hate 'em! Hate 'em! I don't like feeling like I'm in a rat race, nor do I like being bounced around like a rag doll.
So, the conference in and of itself isn't my favorite thing ever, but the fact that so so so many of you go means I get a rad opportunity to meet more of you - so of COURSE I make it a point to go every year.
I had meetings for the first half of the week, so we couldn't get down there until Thursday morning, but after jetting out of town at 6am - the drive was EEASSYYY PEASSYYY!!
Ugh! So beautiful driving through the Mojave desert.
Every year I try and come up with some cutesey cost efficient guerilla marketing tactic. The first year I livestreamed from my Motorola Droid and drew a MAAASSSIIIVVVVEEEEE crowd of people.
Year two, I invested $4 on a sign that I laminated ...
With that sign ... and very literally NOOOOO money to my name - I had over 1,000 EXTRA uniques to TNTML in 24 hours. Dudes, I walked around with a fucking sign. SERIOUSLY?!?!? It was that easy?!?!?!
This year I wanted to take it up another level.
$4 for 1,000 extra uniques was fun - but let's do more ... this year, I made a t-shirt.
My ultimate goal at CES is to talk to as MAANNNNNYYYYY people as possible to spread the good word of the nerd.
I wore this shirt, my black knee highs, a black mini skirt and my red wolf spirithood ...
Every time someone would come up to me commenting on the hat, or on my shirt - I would then give them a card and say RAADD!! Thanks for reaching out!! Here's my card if you want 15% off the hat that I'm wearing (called a spirithood - check 'em out www.spirithoods.com), and there's my contact info if you want more info on the site.
Totes worked. I talked to a TOONNNNNN of people, and @itsmejoolie and I (she was also dressed in a spirithood and a TNTML shirt) posed for a lot of pics.
SUCCESS!!!
It's crazy how easy this stuff is, btw. I don't ever focus on the mass, I focus on the one. The person in the crowd that gets this odd animal hat will DEFINITELY understand the brand, and DEFINITELY be someone I want to talk to; it's a friend and business filter.
I'm totally not a normal person, and that's rad because it works for me - by letting my freak flag TOTALLLYYY fly however, I will attract other freaks who then get the message, get what we're about and join the revolution. It's the coolest thing ever! And an incredibly efficent way to just get shit done.
So, that happened.
I had meetings all Thursday afternoon, and then Thursday night I met up with one of my friends from twitter who was ALSO coincidentally staying at the same place that I was.
Crazy small world!! See this duderino and I hung out not too long ago after I was traveling through his city, and he also just happens to know my friend who has a BALLER condo near the convention center. This kid is the shit man. I hit him up asking if I could have couch or floor space as I hadn't been able to find any - and he was totes game. Really really really great guy, am eternally grateful and shall repay him karmically!!
So yeah! Crazy that I knew this kid from twitter who ALSO happened to know my friend in Vegas and we BOTH just happened to be crashing at his pad.
Weird.
Anywho, we agreed to meet up in Planet Hollywood so Julie and I left the convention center to head over to meet him. After we parked the car we got dressed inside the garage into our party clothes (BOOBS ON CAMERA!!!), and headed over to grab a bite to eat before we met up.
We were somewhere SUPER lost inside the casino (that place is a CRAZY maze) - and as we were walking near the food court area this dude (who was clearly incredibly intoxicated) said something to Julie and as I was turning to see what was going on he grabbed my arm.
I IMMEDIATELY pulled my arm back and stared at this dude, like is this going to go down right now? Are you SERIOUSLY grabbing me? Not a good idea.
He then realizes that I'm not happy with his actions and says "oh, are you going to call security?"
I quickly snap back - "no, there wouldn't be enough time. I'd take you down first."
See, when I was stalked as a teen I learned how to defend myself. I was so scared all of the time that someone was going to kill me, that my parental units enrolled me in kick boxing and I wound up enjoying it so much that when I moved to LA I continued my training at Hollywood boxing gym.
Translation: I can, and have knocked someone out before.
I know how to throw a punch, fire a gun, and can wield a knife. I stay ALARMINGLY calm in situations, and am not a reactive person. My brain moves so freakishly fast I can add up what exactly is going down and then come to an educated and logical conclusion on what my next step is.
I also say this INCREDIBLY matter of fact, that fucking with anyone who has a twitter/ ustream presence is not a good thing. See, for security to actually arrive it would take at LEAST 5 minutes for me to 1) figure out where it is, and 2) explain to them the situation. I have an internet following. All I have to do is click the USTREAM option on my phone, and very literally in less than 10 seconds I am live to over 8,000 people who can figure out for me how to get help. I can then archive the footage and use it in a lawsuit should I choose to, but either way I can show it to the cops and I've got your ass which at the end of the day is all that matters.
It's better than 911 and WAY more effective.
This drunk dude, however, had two friends with him and they were so intoxicated I wouldn't hold it against them to actually beat the fuck out of me right back. The odds weren't staked in my favor so rather than cause a scene, Julie and I just walked a little faster to get away.
The drunk dude didn't like that. As we started to walk faster he SSSSSCCCRRREEEEAMMMMEEEEDDDD at us:
This guy is worth $10 million dollars. That fucking dress you have on is only worth $10.
I laughed thinking, that's really this dudes defense? I'm a millionaire multiple times over, so please - I'm allowed to suck at life.
Dude, I have been rich, I have been dirt poor - and at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. Douches are douches no matter how much you have in the bank account. Oh and FTR, the dress is one of my favorites and cost FIFTEEN dollars, not ten mothafucka! Thrift stores, FTW!!!
He wouldn't let up either, it was creepy and annoying. He shouted at us for another minute or two before we darted into a restaurant. Very very very drunk human being.
So, that happened.
I then tweeted out my frustration and then grabbed some quick food with Julie before we headed over to the bar.
I need a drink!! I said.
We then headed over to one of the bars at Planet Hollywood, and a few minutes into cheersing with our beers I notice this woman talking to this guy. I can't describe what I saw - but I KNNEEWWWW she was hustling him, and I was curious to listen in to what they were saying.
They were LITERALLY right behind us, so totally within ear shot.
Seconds later, my instinct was confirmed - and I heard, "so how many do you want to party with? We can play with any number you have."
5, replied the guy (who was definitely a CES attendee, and as nerdy as could be. Heart you, dude!).
"It's $200 for 20 minutes and an upcharge for more if you want to go that route."
The prostitute was so present watching his EVERY micro expression and EVERY breath. It was incredible!! She was hustling SOOO hard, but never "too much." Everything was just enough to make sure he felt comfortable, but it was a very very very hard sell. (pun intended)
I then updated my Facebook status to reflect my newfound knowledge ...
Hey man, that is no doubt valuable information for someone out there!!
I love learning from hustlers, and the ones in Vegas are the BEST OUT THERE!!!!! Dude, I did a ride along with a taxi cab driver for 2 hours during CES two years ago, and man oh man! so inspiring learning how they do what they do to get their shit done.
I morally might not agree with what either party did, but you can learn from them and at least reformat to what makes sense for what you're going after. The core elements of a hustle are pretty much the same no matter what you're looking to do.
So freaking INSSPPPIIRRIINNNGGGG!!!!
So, that happened. We then met up with my friend, dropped our stuff off at our mutual friend's condo and then headed over to the Beats By Dre party at 1OAK. (stands for one of a kind. New club.)
My friend had a hook up at the party, since it was super posh and blah blah blah ... so, he got us in no problem.
DUDES!!! DR. DRE WAS ACTUALLY IN THE HOUSE!!! BAHHHHH!!
THENNNNNN because I checked in on foursquare and tweeted it out - one of my twitter buds said, hey! come hang out I'm here too! And I have a table!!!!
BOOM! Just like that ... we not only got into one of the hottest parties in Vegas that night, but we also got to chill at a table so I felt less like a rag doll and actually had some space. (again, not a big fan of clubs since they're all such a clusterfuck)
We then started talking about life, love, and all good things in the word of the nerd.
Really great guy!! SUPER sweet to host all of us at his table (there were 5 in the group).
I was also SUPER excited how social media integrated this party was. They gave us these little glow stick rubber thingie majiggies and look what was on them ...
Seeing a twitter handle on something like this MAKES MY LIFEEEEEEE!!!!!! Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.
I'm such a nerd, but I could literally cry over how much I love social media. There is SOOOOOO much value in it, and it's SOOOOOOO powerful - but getting people to understand it is SO important.
Clearly, people are starting to get and understand it.
YAY LIFE!!!
After the party, we went back to Planet Hollywood where two of the peeps in the group were staying. We recharged some of our battery powered devices up in their room while we all chatted.
It's really interesting - this couple who SERIOUSLY HAS THE RADDEST ENERGY EVER, just got engaged and I forget how it came up exactly, but I was asking them about threesomes.
HAHA clearly, this would come up in conversation the first time I meet someone ... I have no filter.
I wasn't trying to imply anything, but genuinely asking their opinion on 'em. See, I do believe in monogamy, but also that it is entirely unrealistic. My parental units are the fairy tale - they got married, were each others firsts onlys and everything ... have been together their entire life and are STILL madly in love. They're the exception, not the rule.
I always ask married or in long term relationship friends their stance on it.
Absolutely not, replied the guy. It's not like we haven't been offered, but we won't do it.
Totes understand. I'm also from LA, and have a very artistic mentality - but I dunno, I guess I'm different in saying never say never. I just think threesomes are literally the greatest thing on the planet (clearly after my experience last weekend), and I'm genuinely perplexed how other people aren't at least open to try. Again though, everyone is obviously ALLWWAAYYYSSSSS entitled to their own opinion, AND I am experiencing this as being the single person in the threesome - but I think they're rad.
I'm curious to see how things evolve and that when I do get in a relationship if I will feel the same way. I'm not for a traditional "open" relationship, but swinging here and there I think is too hot to not be a part of. Maybe I'll change my tune, who knows. Was cool either way to hear their perspective on it.
We then played some blackjack and sometime around way past my bedtime headed back to the condo.
Then on Friday, I decided not to go to the convention center opting instead to write out the story of Rocky Balboa Friel (my dog who died unexpectedly a few days earlier).
I felt really inspired to write, and was in a place emotionally where I could finally do it, so that felt SUPER good. Took for freaking ever - like literally, over 6 hours to write that damn thing. Felt great, but really took a lot out of me.
We then all got dressed, did some shots at the house and headed over to a super fancy pants dinner at the Cosmopolitan.
It was called Estiatorio Milos, and it was SOOOOOO GOOOODDD!! There were 12 in the group, so we did the family style dinner, and at $80 a head we had this CRAZY awesome 5 course meal.
I love love love doing things like that since I'm INCREDIBLY open minded and want to always try new things. The fish was SOOO fresh, and UGGGHH!!! It was so yummy in my tummy.
Bueno. So. So. So. Bueno. HIGHLY recommend that place. Sure it was pricey, but I never EVER spend that kinda money on food - so it was a nice treat.
It's hilarious though, all the guys at the table were STRAIGHT business. My friend who has the condo that we stayed at brought all of his friends out and not only are all of the guys INSANELY attractive, but they're so confident and have this air about them. I can't describe it, but they all do INCREDIBLY well for themselves and it oozes from them.
So. Fucking. Hot.
These are the kinda guys that NEVVEERRRR would have talked to someone like me in high school, but to finally sit at the cool kids table felt damn good.
WINNING, FRIEL!! WINNING!!!
Then after dinner, Julie and I headed over to Surrender to talk some biznass with their social media manager. Really rad dude! They have an AWESOME social media presence encouraging people to check in while they're in line, and prominently displaying their twitter handle on screens throughout the club.
I was VERY impressed. Great job, @davenadkarni and team!!!
After we talked shop for a bit, I then headed back over to Marquee where the dinner crew had a table.
Again, I'm NOT a clubber but table service is the GREATEST THING EVER since you're not bounced around like a ragdoll on the dance floor.
We then kicked it dancing - THEENNNNN I happened to see an old friend there, who I had hooked up with in the past - and omg omg omg I had a top 3 life sexual experience with him.
So, this dude and I had a solid flirtation going on for a while ... we've gone out on a date before, but we don't live in the same part of the country. Very black and white that - meh, this prolly isn't a good idea.
You take that sexual chemistry however, and add in the fact that the entire night I was doing tequilla shots - and MAAANNNN do you have a recipe for awesome.
When he was away from everyone else, and I could sneak away from the group - I made the first move and started kissing him.
One thing pretty much immediately lead to another, and just like that - there we are, his fingers inside of me.
Now mind you, there were people around - but we totes found a shady spot. This club is HUGE and I am all for the voyeur thing, but this was 5% classier than it sounds... hahaha!!
Dudes, this was literally the hottest thing ever. Not only was he a great kisser, but I had my first orgasm straight from being fingered. Do you know how HARD that is to do on a chick!!!!!!!!
I'm sure because I was so relaxed with the tequilla, and because I felt so comfortable with this dude it was not a problem - but I've for one only had an orgasm with a handful of dudes EVER, but he was the first to make me come straight from fingering.
I put his hand on my chest afterwards saying, do you know how hard that is to do for a chick?
I'm so into statistics, hahaha, I was like I can pull the stats on that! VERY hard to do!!!!!!
He then told me he had to be cautious with me. I'm not entirely sure what he meant by that, but I'll Facebook chat him later.
At that point, I was LITERALLY on cloud nine. OMG I am so horny now even rethinking of that. It was so so so so so sooooo goooooddd!! He was the appropriate levels of rough, and FUCK - ah.maze.ing.
W2G!
Top life sexual experience. For sure. Totally didn't expect it either which made it all that much better.
Then after the club, we cabbed it back - and the next morning after having lunch with a good friend, we drove back to LA.
Normally, no biggie - the drive is only 4 hours ... whatevs. This time however, Julie and I were SOOOOO tired from the partying the night before, we both forgot to check the gas meter.
We were about a half hour out (and in the middle of fucking no where), when she realized - "oh shit Jen, we need gas!"
Wait, WHAAATTT!!! I screamed.
I then asked her to get out her phone (since I was driving) and google map "gas station" and see how far the closest station was. Her gague was literally on E, and I was confident in one thing, and one thing only ...
WE. WERE. FUCKED.
I've run out of gas before, sure it's a pain in the ass, but you just walk to the station and figure it out. Dudes, we were in the middle of the mojave - walking meant LITERALLY 20 or more miles; I physically can only walk 11 miles at a time in a 24 hour period before my legs give out.
I then weighed the options figuring we could either AAA it, or I could tweet something out to see if someone could help us.
We then continued dancing in the car as my heart pounded, playing it off knowing that I was going to have to do some SERIOUS walking.
Is it even safe? I wondered. What about snakes? Other people on the road? FFFUUUCCCKKKKKK
The thought barely left my noggin before I saw a sign - gas station next right.
You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me. I said to Julie.
I then confessed the fact that I TOTALLY assumed I'd be walking to a station. Running out of gas was no longer a theoretical thing, but something I realized was absolutely 100% going to happen and that we just had to find a way to go with it.
We then pulled into the gas station on fumes - and I took a series of deep breaths.
Life, you saved me again. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
All in all the trip was CRAZY successful on a business and sexual level. I spent all day yesterday working on my goals with the Modern Day Shaman, and writing out my commitment to my new dating coach @datingcoachB. I'm ready to better myself, I just have to find that balance to being a sexual creature and not being too over the top for guys. See, a dude has to feel like he has a value in your life - that he brings something to the table. I have social media there for me 24/7, and that can freak a guy out since he doesn't have that add. It's a balance for sure - but something I am committed to do.
Oh, and one of those things is for the next 30 days I'm not allowed to post on my sexual adventures. I know ... I know ... but it is for the better. Talking about it so much amplifies my experiences and living that lifestyle will definitely deter a lot of dudes from talking to me. I get it, I really do ... just sucks.
Super grateful to all the new friends I made at the conference, and SUPER grateful to get to meet so many of you. Keep up the awesome, and thanks for always talking nerdy to me.
#kthxbye
