They're Talking Nerdy Baby: #NerdsUnite
AHHHHHH thank you guys for all the love regarding the series of posts on my first love. Greatly greatly greatly appreciated. I love this one from my buddy Ashley ...
It's interesting - I do consider myself an open person ... obviously I lead a transparent life, but I no longer wear my heart on my sleeve. Like at all. I did for years, which is why I have all of these CRAZY relationship/dating stories ... but I recognized that it didn't work for me. Life is reflective, until I learned to love myself, and I mean LOOOOOVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE myself - I could never truly be in a healthy relationship with a guy. You have to understand your own value before you can ever try to let someone come in and purchase any of your time. I had a very confusing childhood (as evident from this post), so yeah, that made me more susceptible for seeking outside validation for my self worth - but so what! That was my constant in the past ... it's no longer my present nor my future. I'm in control of my destiny, and doing something about it.
I'm writing these posts out because 1. I very genuinely did email my first love yesterday, and even got a response back from him today. And 2. because I have changed so so so much as a person, and I hope that this evolution is a continued process. Look at how I met this guy - I commented on how hot he was at Super Cuts. HAHAHA I can't look at a dude and think he's hot anymore, commercial attraction does NOTHING for me!!! I want a guy that is LIVVINNNGGG and BRREEAATHHIIINNNGGG his passion!!!! THAT is a turn on for me! THAT revs my engine!! Not a cute butt at Super Cuts.
Romeo has been in my heart for 7 years. He was the first to get it, but he won't be the last. I post this to also not come across so cold when I quote statistics on love, and say that I approach relationships like a business transaction. I have a very. very. very. different approach to life and love through the documentation of it all by running this site. I can't help but be this way, the psychoanalysis of the entire thing was too intense.
I will one day fall in love again, and that day will be ah-mazing and celebrated. But until then, I have to focus internally on what I want from life, and what I love about myself. Until I truly ... and I mean TTRRUUULLLYYYY love and accept myself, I will continue to seek guys that provide that value for me, which as the past has dictated, will lead me to heartbreak.
OTHER. PEOPLE. CANNOT. VALIDATE. YOU.
Period end of sentence.
I am owning my life now, and I am owning my awesome. It is organic, and something that I didn't recognize inside of me for the first 24 years of my life - however, I am still a work in progress. I have no idea what I am doing, I am just documenting it all to figure out my state of consciousness and then attempting to figure out how to break that down without any emotion attached to it in the hopes of bettering myself as a person (whatever that truly means).
I only say what I do to you guys because this is something that I too am currently experiencing and HOLLLYYY CRAAPPPSICCLLESSS it is BAT SHIT!!! And the more and more you believe, and the more and more positivity you manifest, and give back, the more you get!
Unreal.
Life is, and will always be what you make of it, so why not go big or go home!!
Whoop whoop! JIGGAAAAAAAA!!!
Love you long time Ashley! Thanks for reaching out!!!
xoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxxoxo
Speaking of validation though ... have you guys seen this vid? AMAZING!!
#nerdsunite
