They're Talking Nerdy Baby: #NerdsUnite
ooooohhhhhh bless your little faces right off. I loveesss waking up to some emails from you nerderinos - like this one ...
The nerd and tech theme came from what was inside of me. I started the site on November 3, 2009 after attending the 140 conference ... here's an actual picture from that day ...
To say I was at a point of desperation when I started this site would be the GREATEST understatement of the century. I fucking couldn't take life anymore.
Nothing ...
At all ...
I had just gotten out of one of the worst experiences/ relationships of my life (read more about the mentalist here). My grandmother was dying, and my family was holding this candle light vigil for her. I didn't believe death should be about so much mourning and loss, and that opinion was not shared and subsequently created a super gnarly rift. I had just gotten back to LA from spending a few months in Florida commercial modeling, so I wasn't really talking to any of my friends either. I had invested my life in this dude (the mentalist) only to find out when that was taken away - I was a fucking wreck. I thought this person was supposed to be my life!! My thing!!! This weight was suddenly lifted off my shoulder in wondering, gee Jen, what to do with your life ...
When that was gone, and I closely examined my existence I recognized how little of it I actually enjoyed. Sure, I had been on 5 episodes of Deal or No Deal, won a ton of stuff on The Price is Right, modeled with moderate success, been a card carrying member of SAG, had a rad career in sales - but I fucking hated my life. I did everything I did for other people - what about ME!!!
I RSVPed to a networking event for the 140 conference clearly not being able to afford a ticket, but hoping to just connect with some people from the conference on Facebook. Well, this duderino who just so happened to be besties with the dude running it, saw my RSVP and asked me which days I was going to the conference. I told him I couldn't afford a ticket, but would just be attending the networking event. Can't afford a ticket? he replied. I'll get you an extra!
Just like that ... I had passes for the entire conference and VIP access to the parties. Sound crazy and weird? But yah! Welcome to my life.
I can't describe the love I felt that day at the 140 conference. I had never been to a tech conference outside of cellular, and the social media kids were different. They were cool, savvy, and fucking hot man. I couldn't BELIEVE this many people were so passionate about tech like me, and in Los Angeles!?!!? Where did these people come from!?!?!
I spent that night trying to find out.
With the inspiration I had at the conference, and the pent up frustration from my life in general, I then went home, and on my roommates bed (mine was stil in storage because I moved so quickly), came up with the domain name, created the template, and bam! just like that - we were born.
I had done a lot of social media consulting for people in the past, dude - having worked for the founder of myspace on your resume = gold. Fucking gold. I managed a bunch of high profile accounts for friends, and what not ... social media ALWAYS intrigued me - but I didn't have my own place within the community ... I was just kinda, there.
The rest was all a journey that was documented in real time. I had a shift in consciousness - I don't know how else to describe it, I snapped. I was at this state in my life where NOOTHIINNNGGGGG felt good to me. Nothing. At all. And or what so ever. Social media, and this site was "it" for me; I found a calling.
When you're that low, and I mean low ...
I had tried killing myself twice before, mind you, and failed both times. See ... here's a scar on my nose from when I took a shit ton of Tylenol PMs and whacked into a wall so disoriented ...
It's hard to see because of my freckley face - but there's this weird like half moon thingie on my nose. That shit bled like a MOTHER FUCKER!!! Holy crap!!! I hit this white, wooden dry erase board from Target. I hit it juuuusssttttt right on the corner and BOOM - out like a fucking light. Insane.
And the second time, I suffered a full blown nervous breakdown and ended up in a looney bin. I'm 100% not ashamed of either incident, it's a big part of why I'm so gung-ho, and I'm also SUPER proud to say yayyyy I'm not crazy. Like at all. I have papers to prove that I'm just wicked smart! =) WHOOP!!
I wanted very badly to end the pain I was feeling after the mentalist and I were over, but I couldn't!!! Who fails twice!?!?! Who!?!? And furthermore, it wasn't as if I really wanted to die, really ... I just wanted to not lead life the way I was leading it anymore.
Social media, and this website saved me. It came along at just the right time, and I was ready for a change. I dug the people, I was ALWAYS a nerd, but from the peoples perspective - I spent my life growing up not outside but in chat rooms. I was a total loaner as a kid. I wasn't close to my family (estranged from both sides of my extended - but my mom and dad are rad), never had best friends growing up (and when I did have best friends in high school, they wound up stalking me ... literally)... I was just, there.
I don't just talk about tech, I live tech. I don't just talk about social media, I talk about how I survived a year being social in it and subsequently living off of it.
This site changed my life for the better, for good. I took ownership of myself and my own identity. I only do things that feel good, and that good vibration makes your energy level just off the CHARTS! I've always been a people magnet, but now I'm a people magnet of awesome. I don't have bat shit crazy stories anymore, I have AWESOME adventures.
I get criticized all the time that what I do is so unbelievably ridiculous ... how can someone be a "personal brand" ... evil snickerrrrrrr. I dunno, I don't have the answers yet, because I am still formulating the questions - but it's working, and working INCREDIBLY well.
What I am proud to say is that I am happy. Three words I fought for 24 years to say, and still trip me out to see written out. I was such a negative nelly for so long, but had no idea because when you're in that state the walls are opaque. You very literally cannot see the light. Through the documentation of my life in social media, however, I was able to read the status updates, and posts thinking - wow! that's not at all what I meant by that ... hmmmm let's examine. UGHHHH!! Such a nerd, I am OBSESSED with psychology.
So this is me. I be it ... and it be on display. I feel trends, breathe in this space, and am unbelievably grateful to have attracted a strong team that is now going to take us to a whole new level of awesome. Getting to do what you love is a blessing, now getting paid for it - is shocking.
Do what you love. Do what you love. Do what you love.
It doesn't have to make sense, it can be completely illogical - but when you're walking in your joy and your bliss, your life truly begins.
AHHHHH so fucking grateful man, but get off your ass if you're reading this, because you can do it too. We tell ourselves all the time, ohhh they were special, or ooohhhh they had this because of that. No. Tell your brain to shut up. I was scared SHITLESS 100% of the time while I was doing what I was doing. I'm STILL scared shitless. But take that as a constant, you'll never NOT be scared shitless. I post my stories to give people permission to do the same. In fact, that's why when we started I used to give out permission slips to people to be unapologetically awesome. It's a psychological trick. So here ... here is your permission slip, now go be awesome. I can't WAIT to see you all at the table of life!!! =) =) =)
HAHA and I know this song is a cliche, but listen to the lyrics and FUCKING DO IT MAN!!!! =) =) =)
I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
[Chorus:]
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day
You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?
[Chorus]
I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can't you change it this time
Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on
#love
