#Question: What is the difference between being in “love” and being “comfortable”?
<editors note> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He is 24, and has spent over four years answering men and women's relationship questions through various sites. He also loves some comedy, so he combined the two into a web series called Spitfire where he answers relationship topics, with humor ⎯ new videos every 1st & 15th. Go watch. youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie. Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all. </editors note>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman
“I’m 25 & been with a girl over a year and throughout half our relationship all we do is argue, which is bringing me down. She also has a kid which I can't get used to. I find it hard to leave her mostly based on looks because Im afraid I won't find someone as pretty, even though I said that about my ex and found prettier.
Am I settling?
Am I not leaving cuz I'm scared to be alone?
So am I comfortable or am I in love?" {Jim S}
"Am I settling?"
Yes. Your main motivation for the relationship is her looks & your insecurity to find another woman just as bonerrific. You want to base a partnership with someone who is attractive, and a really cool person who's your friend. If you weren't dating her, would you consider her a great friend that you can call on to hang out or depend on?
Settling is giving up on any reasonable standard of happiness, which you are currently doing.
“Am I not leaving cuz I'm scared to be alone?”
Obviously. I'm 24, single & never been in a relationship and couldn't be happier. If you want to wake up with a smile everyday, it has to be a choice. It sounds like being alone for awhile is the best way to help figure out what truly matters to you in a relationship, a life partnership & life in general.
“So am I comfortable or am I in love?”
Neither. You're complacent. And your complacency is routed in fear, not love or joy.
I wish the best for you, in that you will take the time to really consider, "What makes me happy?" and for a time, begin removing aspects of your life that don't fulfill that purpose. You may be better off to take a couple months to be alone, and spend your time with people and activities that bring about your soul’s identity.
#nerdsunite
