#Survey: Women love gaming more than sex

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Kevin Herman

In an iffy yet incredibly bold statement sure to give male gamers the most boner-confusing ambivalence of all time: apparently women love gaming more than sex.
 
Geeky gamer girls = good; absence of coitus = bad --- two facts that,  while largely accepted, existed abstractly and with no tangible relation in the mind of most male gamers. Sliding into a relationship with a girl gamer obviously entails that at times games will be played, and  that not every conceivable moment will involve vacay in bone city. In other words, you have to take the good with the relatively bad (I mean...I'll take 'witholding' over having my arm repeatedly cut while I sleep any day). It’s a lot harder to swallow though, when some article from England (I know they think they’re better than me - their accents told me so) tries to tell you that the good seems to be directly causing the bad.

Still, moments after drawing up schematics to modify my junk to better resemble an Xbox controller, I actually read the article - and boy am I glad I did, because I came precipitously close to being down one Xbox controller and most likely one functioning dong.

Let’s forget for a minute that no major media outlet like CNN-Tech, Wired, or like...even Maxim or something picked up on this and only the illustrious Market for Computer & Video Games was bold enough and so committed to asking the tough questions and breaking the hard news to run it.

The study...er, survey questioned 2,052 peepz, half of which turned out to be women (who spent more time gaming online than men). Among the women, it was revealed that 84% love them some gaming - a percentage which trumped the percentage of those who enjoyed bathing, working out, sex, and even...shopping (male-inundated with-gender-stereotypes-GASP!).

Fine - I mean my first impulse was to (a) assume there had to be some kind of sampling bias or error here and (b) read the findings in a way that  made it seem like women preferred to game in lieu of bathing, shoping, yadda yadda. Point (a) actually seems reasonable and will be revisited momentarily, but I think point (b) stemmed from the survey trying to compare digital apples to sexy, fleshy oranges: the phrasing - i.e. ‘enjoyment’ of said activities - very well should land video games, also known as “projects backed by financial investment designed specifically to elicit enjoyment,” over bathing which, even if you bathe five times a day, you probably don’t run outside and high five every neighbor in sight while screaming “FUUUUUUCCCCKKK YEEAAAAAHHHH!” before each shower. Probably.

Ahhh, but again - that sampling issue...and this is the coup de grace: the survey was meant to launch concurrently with an online game, and while the methodology isn’t really explicitly stated, if you ask someone if they prefer video games to x, y, and z in the context of a fucking video game, your numbers are not going to be representative of the population at large. But it gets better - the study was commissioned by Doritos, the same company who develops the synthetic cheese powder I find smeared periodically on my jeans, with the launch of their own Facebook game, “Doritos Desperado Dip.” I’m pretty sure that’s the punchline to a joke somewhere in the world.

The fact that folks who like sex less than “online games” happen to also be those that competitively play Doritos video games is probably the only  thing I’m willing to conclude makes sense from all this (and in light of this snacktastic information, one has to consider the undisclosed age  range of the respondents also affecting the answers - I hope more than anything that a 13 year old girl playing “Doritos Desperado Dip” will prefer even the shittiest of games to sex).

The credibility of the sample has been dragged screaming (and covered in Cooler Ranch powder) into the street and shot.

Which really kind of sucks, actually, because getting to blame Farmville for my lack of a sex life would have really made my day.

#nerdsunite