This is a story about #love, but it's not a love story (Part 6)

Apr 1

Part 6 ... 6 ... Dude, I kinda can't believe this took 6 posts to get this story out. I'm not gonna lie, this was first off not at all my intention to have this mini epic saga going on - was just frustrated with my current OKC social experiment. AH-MAZING that so many of you can relate. Kinda trippin' me out to be completely honest with you, but I'm just gonna go with it ...

K ... so if you're not caught up on what's goin down ... here's part one ... here's part one point five ... here's part two ... here's part three ... here's part four ... and here's part five.

(Basically, I got my heart supremely broken a year and a half ago ... it actually was one of the reasons that I started this blessed little site. It's impairing my current OkCupid social experiment ... so I decided to grab this story by the balls and take ownership of it. These are a series of posts that I am doing to hash it out and make it tangible so I can move on since I can't afford therapy. FOR REALS!! That shit is expensive!!!)

HIT IT BEYONCE!

I woke up the next morning more motivated than ever to just get the fuck out. I didn't even want to think about anything anymore, I was over the initial shock of everything .... seriously though, lemme just say this, I would have expected someone to tell me that the Easter bunny was totally boning Santa RIGHT BEHIND ME - and I would have believed that was happening more than this. Shocked. Shocked. Shocked. Had no idea. Me thinks I'm so smart, looky where that got me. The Minnesota girls were right, I was the dumb one. (Judgement is wrong kiddies!!)

Moving to me is like a profession; in LA you move almost every year. I don't really know why, but literally, because of jobs, or the nomadic artist mentality - pretty much everyone in LA moves every year or two. This part, I got DOWN!! Took my macbook pro over to that god awful kitchen counter to sit on a barstool, and started looking for a place on Craigslist.

Literally, that afternoon - I found an apartment. It wasn't in Hollywood, it was over on the westside - at that point, I needed a break - BAD! The roomies seemed pretty rad, the price was right, the room was BLUE!!!! and BEAAUUTTIIIIFFUUULLLLL - and best part, I could move in that evening. There's gotta be a catch, right? Nope! That's my life! Remember, life has to meet your expectations of it. I knew I was a pro at moving, so finding a place would be nothing if I just set my mind to it. AH-MAZING!

I go back to the mentalist's apartment and pack my things up. The girls were floored. They couldn't believe I found a place so quickly (especially since technically speaking I was only supposed to be at that apartment for a bit, and there I go staying for months). I said, yeah - I'm a very motivated individual. Time for the next doable action. Plus too, the mentalist was coming home from tour in a few days, I did NOT want to face him.

I didn't have a lot of things at his place, about a car full (a beetle convertible car full mind you) - and I moved on over to the westside. The best part was, I had the majority of my stuff in storage, but the room initially came furnished. I had a bed to sleep in, built in closet organizers ... was literally the greatest thing ever. It was so quiet, and I could look out the window and see this beautiful yard with an avocado tree. Certainly wasn't the madhouse hostel I left in Hollywood.

Time to breathe. Time to be - I thought. I had been meditating and studying Buddhism for almost a decade at that point, but never really turned to it for anything ... THIS WAS THE TIME THAT I TURNED TO IT!!!!!! I was raised catholic, but it never resonated with me ... something in Buddhism just spoke to me in ways that nothing else could. Buddhism teaches you that there is no good, there is no bad, there is only "is" and "is not." I just kept thinking over that my life isn't over, this just is - and I can process. As long as I don't do anything stupid and become an "is not" all will be well. All will be well, I kept saying over and over ... all will be well. Let it be.

Literally, on the very last leg of the trip to the car unpacking my bags - I got a call. It was from someone who said they had more information for me regarding this epic epic heartbreak. I still don't wanna say who, to be honest, just out of protecting anything they may have ... etc. Not my style to call people out, just tell my own story. They said, well, brownie girl wasn't the only one. Wait, what? There are more?!?!?!!?!!!!!! Yeah, a lot more. Remember the time you went to Vegas? Yeah - I said as I put the hamper down.

::Flashback sequence::

See, in September of 2009, I COMPLETELY out of the blue got a modeling audition, (no like straight up, that part was NOT planned) what they call a go-see, in Vegas for this big bridal show. In Florida, I had done some bridal bookings - they saw my pictures on Model Mayhem, and were all up on it and asked me to come in for a fitting. Normally I would have turned it down, but it was very literally the same weekend that the mentalist was going to be in Vegas for his tour. STFU, I thought!!! I asked the girls no less than 10 times, should I go and surprise him? I think this would be awesome ... omg, I've never surprised anyone on a tour before - could be great, right?

Wrong.

I get in the car, and drive to Vegas. He had made the mistake of saying what hotel he was staying in, and I very literally have an eagle eye. I am a fucking freak of nature when it comes to spotting people. This massively huge hotel, I found him - and fairly easy. Mind you, I had called his hotel room from the front desk a few times - but there was no answer.

I spotted him over at the bar, and he was shocked to see me. Like shocked! I said, I told you I had an audition, but I didn't say where!!! See, this was me trying to be cute and sneaky to surprise someone that I thought I cared. Yep. That was me ... that girl.

He tried his best to control his face when it came to just how shocked he was that I was there. He didn't approach me with this sense of delight, or excitement - it just sort of was. I think he was processing how the hell to deal with this, to be honest. His manager was with him, and I hadn't met him before - so that part was easy .... he just said, uh, XXXX meet Jen! I shook his hand. Again, he showed nothing but genuine delight to meet me. Good cover.

How long are you here for, asked the mentalist? I dunno - I just had this bridal show casting. Pays well. Gonna just see how that goes. But was thinking about headed back in the morning. Wanted to see what you were doing tonight. So, you're staying the night? asked the mentalist. Yep!

Yeah no bueno.

He told me I should grab a drink, they were just at this networking event for this conference - dude, me and networking events go together like peanut butter and nutella (MMMMMM PEAAANNUUUTTT BUTTTEERRRRRR). I rock. That's my thing, I'm a social butterfly. I just have this genuine, genuine, genuine, love for people, and hearing their stories - I got this. The mentalist and the manager were eyeing this group of 5 girls that were performing at the conference. I literally just walked right up to them, and said, hi my names Jen! omg - I love your outfits!!! (They were genuinely rockin' some pretty rad gear.) The manager looks at the mentalist like, is this chick for real. The mentalist smiled saying nothing and everything all at once.

We all started talking - again, I am like the least threatening looking person on the planet. People talk to me, I talk to them ... it's ALWAYS been my thing. They wanted to talk to these chicks, didn't know how to approach it, so I did it for them.

We wound up kicking it for almost the entire night. We went out for a sushi dinner, caused a bit of a ruckus - normal Vegas things. Then at a fairly descent hour, we headed back to the hotel room. The mentalist would barely look at me. I'm talking DAGGEERRRRRSSSSSS!!! He was sharing a room with his manager, but fortunately they were big enough beds to fit two. His body language spoke VOLUMES. He wasn't a cuddler by any means, but he slept with very open body language - his hands simply folded on his stomach. This was, a side fetal position with his back to me. He was mad. His manager would leave the room for a second, and I would try and kiss him - nothing. No response. No, like literally, you would have thought I was his sister. Dude, I was rockin a pretty hot outfit too. Tank top, and lil boxer shorts - I own my shit ... that night, it was pretty a-okay.

Nothing. Like nothing nothing.

His manager said something to me when the mentalist went in the bathroom along the lines of, sorry he's being such a dick. I was kinda surprised. I kid you not, I think the dude was hitting on me. It wasn't a friendly, hey, sorry my friends being a butt - it was hey he's being an ass, but "how you doin." Mind you too, I am literally OBLIVIOUS to that shit. I just assume people are being friendly. It was a vibe thing - he wasn't just being friendly. Did I mention his manager was married with kids too - and a history of cheating? Yep! (Remember, you are the company that you keep.)

Tears streamed down my face as I fell to sleep.

I woke up the next morning and left. The mentalist had half kissed me, half whatever-ed me - and I left. I literally cried the entire way home. I remember Katy Perry's Waking Up In Vegas hitting the radio, and I very literally never wanted to more in my life have not woken up in Vegas.

"That's what you get for waking up in Vegas."

Bitch. Worst. Vegas. Experience. Ever.

I got back to the house, and the girls said, oh I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience. That sounds awful ... etc. etc. At that point, I went a couple of days before I spoke to the mentalist again. I was humiliated, embarrassed, but most importantly just hurt that this person was such a dick to me. This person that I loved, and had all these crazy overwhelming emotions for. Asshole.

::Flashback sequence over::

I put the hamper down, and said, yeah - of course I remember Vegas. Well, he actually hooked up with one of those girls after you left. He was planning this big night out with his manager, and you kinda spoiled his plans. What, I thought? Wait, there was more than just the brownie girl?? He had like actual sex sex with other people too???

The person said, yeah, but please don't say that I said anything. DUDE!!! I INTRODUCED THEM!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!?!?!! I lost it. Like lost it lost it. Before, I was shocked - now I was just about to get a fucking axe and with great pleasure mutilate his body into a million pieces. A gun's too quick - too painless. An axe, or even a kitchen knife would work wonderfully. Put me in jail for the rest of my life, at that point, all I wanted was for this dude to be dead.

He made the mistake of calling me at almost that very moment. He still wanted to work things out, thought I was being irrational. I picked up the phone and screamed ...

FUUUCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! I'm gonna get a RESTRAINING ORDER if you EVER ... and I mean EVEERRRRRR speak to me again!!

I kept thinking over and over, who is this person? WHO IS THIS PERSON!!! Are you kidding me?!?! WAIT! There was MORE than the brownie girl, omg you have issues - STRAIGHT UP FUCKING ISSUES!!!

Dude, we had a LOT of sex. Like a lot a lot. I know he was on tour and all, but nah uh - it wasn't like I wasn't putting out, and he looked elsewhere ... I was in fact the one that initiated almost every time.

This was a severely different type of anger that I was experiencing - this was the kind of anger that said, if you EVER ... and I mean EVVEERRRRRRRR talk to me again, I will fucking gut you like a fish.

I hung up the phone, put down the hamper and just wept. And wept. And wept. Who was this person that I fell in love with? I was literally living with a stranger.

Alrite, taking a break for a minute - this post was a lot longer than I expected. Gonna take a break. But expect another post later today - dude, I actually wound up finding one of his other chicks' on Facebook, and she actually gave me her phone number to call her and discuss. KID YOU NOTTTT!!!!!!!!! It gets better. A lot better. And, I'll finally tell you all about brownie girl - and where all of that-ness went. Ugh! So much to this story, I had no idea to be honest with you. BAAHHHHHHH!!!