#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick
Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.
#nowplaying: Born This Way- Lady Gaga
Bah. What a week. Lots lots lots going on. Again, making a conscious effort first and foremost to get more out of my own head and be more of service. Very serious about that, since goodness, that is not how I want to come across AT ALL. Appreciate the community calling me out on it. I just see these things so INCREDIBLY black and white ... how to make this work, and that work, and what trend this is going to be. It freaks me out, when I tell these suits what I see and their jaws drop. It's like wait, you can do that?? So much of Hollywood just has NOOOOOOOOO idea what we are capable of in the tech world. It's so rad. BUT, again, out of your own head Jen. It's entertainment, we're not curing cancer.
5 lbs down and 1 gym rat badge earned. I've started jogging in the morning just to be in nature, followed by hitting the gym almost every night. It's a lot, but I love it. I'm DEFINITELY getting more stamina and can feel my body again which just feels AMAAZIINNGGGG after sitting for a year. I've just never felt so physically unhealthy. I was raised a very active kid, and never really stopped moving ... until last year. Great for the site, bad pour moi. Balance. I gotta have some balance. Balance is the hardest thing for me to ever have. I am just such a balls deep person. When I get into something, I am INTO IT, and work my ASSSSSSSSS off for it. I love being so passionate, but I think part of maturity is figuring out how to still find balance with the rest of your life as well. HAHAHAHA maturity ... wtf is that??
Speaking of balance, taking things uber slow with the new boy. He's not on a "break" from that chick in the traditional sense (ala Ross and Rachel). I can't explain it to you all without revealing details of their relationship that is frankly no one's business but theirs ... I respect it, and it makes sense to me - so I'm going with it. I have to let logic dictate this one. Which is so hard for me, since I constantly want to romanticize situations, but those unrealistic expectations are what get me in trouble. Fuck you, Disney. Never liked you anyway. I'm just at the same time a FIERCELY loyal creature. If I like someone, like I like this dude, I very literally cannot even fake something with anyone else. Even a date! Dude, not a SINGLE date this week. I can't message any of these dudes back. It's compounded by the fact that I can't afford shit, so I'm not gonna go out with a guy, have him buy me a drink and be like oh yeah - peace out homeslice. I can't do that. If I let a guy buy me a drink, dinner, whatever, I'm interested in him. My brain doesn't want to be interested in anyone else right now. I also recognize that competition is incredibly healthy ... but then all I have to do is look at my twitter feed, or Facebook wall. That shit must drive a dude nuts! I KNOW through and through though he can handle it, he OWNNNNSSS his shit. It's such a turn on, ugh. I'm just scared ... I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO scared. But I am incredibly confident that mental sanity and logic can still be maintained even while letting your own walls down. I'm trying man, he's definitely chipping stuff away, but there's no friggen guarantee in anything on the other side! That is BAT SHIT! Then again, what are guarantees ... I didn't have it with this site - risks keep you on your toes; I'm just not used to taking a risk with my heart. Calculated risks ... I'm ALLLLLL about the calculated risks!! I'm stoked to have a new friend in my life, and I have to keep reminding myself that both feet stay firmly on the ground. Again, bless this site and stuff we're doing with the pilot, I can at least drown myself in mountains of work ... ugh, he's so hot. Stop thinking about him, Jen.
Got invited to another party at the Playboy Mansion later this month. Thinking about going to livestream now that I know from Halloween where I can and can't get feed; and worst case scenario, I'll take out my Flip and ask a friend to film. Love me some Playboy.
Speaking of parties going to a singles party in downtown for Valentines day, btw!! WAHOO!!! Bringing my friend Leslie too, since I know she just broke up with a boy ... I'm like GIRLLLL this party = bananas. Lots of cute boys, but incredibly chill, not normal LA dudes ... and this loft is just baller.
But yeah, lots of meetings about the pilot next week, we're pretty much in full throttle mode at this point - and I am onnnneeee happy camper. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to getting out of couch surfing. I love it, and am CRAZY grateful that I haven't paid rent anywhere since April of last year, amazing adventure, but really fucks with you psychologically. I need an off switch.
I'm EXCITED NERDSSSSS!! Good shit, man .... good shit. K, off for a jog. Peace love and lollipops to all!
xoxo #nerdsunite