The #truth about mother/baby bonds

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

I know what a lot of you are thinking - “I understand it, my dogs are just like my kids.”  I know because I used to be that guy.  And trust me, you don’t know.  And it’s not something that I can really explain or describe fully, either, but I will do my best.  

See what I mean? Ugly and gross.So many women talk about the first time they see their baby - how beautiful they are, the life changing emotions, and the immediate and overwhelming sense of love.  Well, it doesn’t happen that way for everyone.  At all.  

Babies are gross.  Don’t forget that I am a biologist, can dissect a brain without wearing gloves and have eaten guinea pig.  But newborns are seriously gross - they come out of your uterus, first of all, and they are grayish and slimy and covered in a thick layer of white sticky stuff.  When I had my first baby I told the midwife that I really wanted her to be wiped off before they laid her on me, and it was still not enough.  

When they handed her to me for the first time, my very first thought was “she is so ugly”.  You go your entire pregnancy with a terrible fear of having an ugly baby...and babies are almost always ugly.  Especially if they are born naturally...or mine, apparently.  I had a hard labor, and her head was super squished and really bruised - you could barely see her eyes.  We just sat there staring at each other, and I couldn’t help thinking “this is it?  I went through all of that for this?”  The bond was NOT immediate, obviously.  And she smelled like raw chicken, not even joking.  

I felt like such a terrible mom!  You are supposed to cry when you have a baby, and love them so much that you can’t stand to have them away from you.  I mostly A face only a mother could love...eventually. Kidding, totally kidding.felt disappointed and relieved that it was over.  Right after that they took her and my hubby to give her a bath and get her less grossified, and I had to go in for surgery, so I didn’t see her for another couple of hours, which is FOREVER in the land of babies.  Once I got her back the love started growing a little more, and that love hasn’t stopped growing since then (even when she drew on every surface of her room with a sharpie).  

So we are all different, I suppose, but it’s not all roses like it is for some women.  I’ve had three kids, and it has been the same for all of them.  I love them because they are mine, but the deep, kill a person, kill yourself love that you have for your kids took time.  Not a year, but a couple of days. 

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