#NerdsUnite: 27 Year Old Angst
I had a great session with the shaman yesterday. It literally took me a solid 5 minutes afterwards to be able to move my body again.
It's hilarious going to his office because the first 15 minutes I usually sit and blab about whatever it is I have been experiencing. In our last session I mentioned how much more confident I am becoming in business. It's a weird side effect of the Reiki he's been doing on me - I am getting FIERCELY matter of fact on things that used to scare me.
Running a business isn't an easy thing. I've never launched a brand before, I have no idea what I'm doing - but I'm not ruled by the dollar, I just wanna keep doing cool shit, so listening to that - and following my gut down that path so far has been good. Over the last few weeks because of his work, I can tell that I'm just becoming more Yes. No. Just FUCKING DO IT!!!!!
I'm over small talk, I'm over excuses - it's just put up or shut up time.
I then confessed to him that I've been feeling better regarding past relationships, and releasing some of that anger.
I'm just in such a personal funk right now. I'm a dudes chick, (product of having an older brother and being SUPER close to him) and right now - there is no dude.
And not relationship wise, obvs - but I have some of the best guy friends ever that I don't talk to anymore. Mostly it's because we've dated and they're now in relationships and they don't want to jeopardize anything with their girlfriends (totally understand) - but it makes me so freaking lonely at the same time.
I don't have someone to skype with, send cutesey little text messages to - or even complain about whatever stress I am currently experiencing. I've always had that with my guy friends, and now everyone is growing up and doing their own thing.
I know I'm doing this, and I know I'm designing this - I just don't know how to undo it. I've been so hurt in the past that I am attempting to stay grounded and practical, but the practicality seems to consistently get in the way.
I'm good at reading people and analyzing situations, but sometimes my big brain overanalyzes too much and it can get me in a lot of trouble. UGGHHHHHHH!!! So frustrating.
The shaman suggested me spending New Years by myself, and focus 2012 strictly on fixing myself. I'm clearly seeking validation through dating, but I'm not quite sure why - its unconscious. Dudes, how do you date half of Los Angeles and still remain single? It's not the dudes, it's me and BAAHHHHHHHH its frustrating.
Just gotta keep at it. Work on the you and let the rest fall into place. All of this I know, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I can't thank the shaman enough though for all of his work. The room yesterday during our session got FREAKISHLY, and EERILY cold. He said he had to stop for a moment because I literally froze the tip of his quartz off. Super duper eerie shit.
It's amazing too because again, all I do is lay on this massage table for an hour and go into a trance. I'm conscious the entire time, just off in my own little world while I can see shadows and smell his various aromas working their magic.
Literally one of the coolest experiences ever, and when you're done you totally trip balls. Fucking insane that this can be legal!!!
But yes, Master Shaman @realityadjacent - I am listening. I really am ... it just makes me sad sometimes.
Work on the you. Work on the you. Work on the you.
Now excuse me while I go get ready to be flogged this evening. SUH-WEET!
#kthxbye
So yeah! I go to a Modern Day Shaman, and he's based here in LA and TOTALLY FREAKING ROCKS MY WORLD!!!! It's not at all scary, nor does he give me anything to ingest, or whatever. Totally legal, totally safe, totally awesome. He's got my business for life, yo! Check out Brendan over here on twitter and totes check out his site for more info. It's good stuff!!! xoxoxoxo
