#NerdsUnite: Literally! (Top 3 favorite sexual moments)

<editorsnote> This pretty much goes without saying but Mom, Dad, love you both dearly (happy birthday again Mom) - but leave. Like now. Like now now. K ... bye! </editorsnote>

It's funny, now that I've given up casual sex for a few months - pretty much all I can think about now is sex.

<tangent> Dudes, nerds are the fucking HORNIEST people on the planet; nerds are self aware. That can have a downside with making us more prone to anxiety, depression and god only knows what else ... and an upside to the fact that we're really good at figuring out how to make things we're experiencing feel EVEN BETTER!!! Get it? Get it? huh? huh? I'm talking about our private parts!! </tangent>

Rather than relish in any new rendezvouses my old ones keep playing like a broken record in my head.

Nerds, I present to you ... my top 3 favorite sexual moments. (In no particular order)

1. First time I had an orgasm from penetration.

This was hands down a top life moment in general. Lemme break a few things down for you ... a chick having an orgasm in front of a dude for the first time is pretty much the most emotional thing ever. And for reals, man - I am WAY more like a dude than a chick, but breaking down that barrier emotionally was huge huge huge for me. HUGE! Masturbation for girls growing up is weird. We don't talk about it with our girlfriends, it's this super secret thing that we do without anyone knowing and women in general can be so neurotic with just about everything that there is no real frame of reference in which we can measure. (You can read more about that here.) Being that emotional in front of someone, when you're not even sure "if it's right" is just a weird thing to experience. No bones about it! (no pun intended) Sex to me at that point was literally changed forever. It flips a switch in your brain, and then I got really really really really reeeeaaaaallllllyyyy into sex. REALLY into it.

Advice for females hoping to get off for the first time from penetration:

1. Be in love. Had I not been in love there is no way I would have been able to have that orgasm. I felt safe, I loved the dude - it made breaking through the barrier easier.

2. Be on top. Sounds like common sense, but it makes a HUGGGEEEE difference when you're on top and can control the rhythm. Try on a couch too, there's something anatomically compatible about the firmness of the cushions and the way you can really get in there!

3. Do it the week before your period. I know dudes, ommmmgggggggg she said the "p" word - but get over it. Females are more charged the week leading up to their period so they are hornier, and it is a LOT easier to orgasm when you're hormonally charged. Not impossible to experience at other times, but for your first one ... a whole HECK of a lot easier.

2. A date I went on in Culver City and woke up in Santa Barbara.

That entire date was literally the most bat shit thing ever. (You can read more about it here) Basically, this dude and I went ice skating in Culver City, had an amazing time then he fills up his car with gas and goes, wanna have an adventure? We then drove through the night to Santa Barbara (2 hours away) and boned by the fireplace. I know it sounds tame, oh wow - sex in front of a fire place ... but there was something about this dude. We had CRAZY CHEMISTRY, were bonding over this unbelievable experience of just meeting after being matched so high on OKCupid, and the sweat from the sex mixed with the cold air (it was in February) - my hair hitting my back getting warm from the fire. I mean literally the hottest thing ever. Wait, talking about it just turned me on. Breathe Friel, get through the post first.

This sexual encounter was also done on a couch/love seat. Apparently I have a thing for couches.

Can that be a fetish? People who like to bone on a couch ... ::TO THE GOOGLE::

3. Boning on Zzyzx Road

HAHAHAHA this was one of the greatest things ever. Zzyzx road is absurd. It's this random road on the drive from LA to Vegas, and I'm pretty sure the only reason why it's famous is because no one can pronounce it. Someone in the car will always yell out, oh look! It's ZZsomething road. YAY!!! It makes no sense, it just looks weird and no one can pronounce it leaving us all to remember it.

That being said, one trip back from Vegas, I was with a duderino I had been dating (also mentioned in the female orgasm post), and I think it was the general vibrations in the road compounded with the fact that he was also only the second person to ever give me an orgasm - when we were driving back I literally screamed you have to fuck me ... right now. We hadn't been on the road for that long, but I was pretty horny.

You can't just pull over and fuck as it's not that safe, and you'll get a ticket if you get caught - so I told him to pull over at the next exit where we could find a shady spot.

The next exit just happened to be Zzyzx, and just like that we pulled over, I threw him into the backseat and fucked his brains out in a corporate sponsored car.

Hey, Ford might have told us we couldn't drive the car upside down (that was actually in the contract I signed when I was named an agent in the Fiesta Movement), but it didn't say anything about having nook nook. MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!! Hottest. Thing. Ever.

There you go. Top three sexual memories. And now ... I uh, have some business to attend to.

#kthxbye