#WTF: About this holiday weekend ... can I get a rundown? (playing quarters with the guy I took to an orgy & The Shaman)

Nov 28

Oh lordy schmick mordy. What a holiday weekend this has been. First, lemme get a song going - heard this on the bus ride over this morning ...

Such an oldie but goodie.

Drop tha beat!!

Could I be more whiter? There there ...

So anywho, on Wednesday I got invited to @acoolong's orphan Thanksgiving dinner. See, 99% of the population in LA wasn't actually born here, so when it comes to Thanksgiving, we all gather round with our friends instead of our fams (since it's SOOO expensive to friggen travel anyway. And for what? One meal? PPFFTTT!!!).

I was super excited about going, Amanda is LITERALLY one of the coolest people on the planet, and we happen to also be neighbors - which is just bananas.

I grabbed @itsmejoolie and awwaayyyyyyyy we went to the turkey dinner. We were both super grateful, btw since neither of us cooks and honestly this year I've been so busy with things behind the scenes that eating turkey was the last thing on my mind.

We get there with a bottle of two buck chuck (white zinfandel) - we are SUCH classy broads - and immediately I was sucked into the AMAZING conversation. It was a room full of people in tech (about 10), and two of the women there were deeply engrossed in a state of the union conversation regarding the general infrastructure of the net and government regulations.

I am not even kidding you, it was like watching a tennis match - my head just went back and forth all throughout the discussion. These women were so eloquent, so articulate, and SO dead on with their points ... I was humbled to be the dumbest person in the room, and excited to learn something new.

After about 20 minutes, the turkey was ready and dinner was served.

Conversations bounced around, but I stayed pretty quiet. I'm not the first person to jump into a conversation with people I don't know - my social awkwardness gets the best of me sometimes; I take a little bit of warming up. When it comes to business, yes - I hustle hard ... but this is a turkey dinner, and some of the SMARTEST people I have heard speak in a while, I was just excited to have been invited.

Somewhere around my second helping of mashed potatoes, someone mentioned bartering - and how we all have enough in this world from the creation perspective, and if we just traded with one another we might actually evolve faster.

I then pipe up, funny you say that! I spent a year doing that - I bartered social media to live for exactly one year with just $10 to my name. I continued - I traveled all over the country, and had my very basic needs met by various corporations and fans of my site which also got them emotionally invested in my success as they had helped fuel it.

The entire table stopped - their jaws dropped.

Julie speaks raising her hand as if putting me on display - Jen Friel ladies and gentlemen.

Wait what, one woman asked.

I then explained to them my story, and how I launched the site. The entire table was INCREDIBLY engaged. Then one of the females had mentioned how bullshit it was that people say there are no women in tech! Everyone at this table works in tech, and I can't begin to tell you how many founders I'm sure we could all count that we know that are female.

I agreed. While yes, statistically speaking there are more men in the industry as a whole, but women DEFINITELY have a presence, and ESPECIALLY when it comes to social media.

The conversation then turned again, and one of the women mentioned that it was actually women that have kept her down in the past. Every time I had a female boss, I was paid less, and had more headaches.

It's WOMEN that keep women down, she said.

I totally agreed with her remembering a supervisor I had in sales with Verizon and how she had this vendetta for me, as well as my old supervisor when I worked in movie marketing who was a bit of a nightmare.

Then one of the other women at the table chimed in saying she disagreed.

In tech, she said, we're mostly entrepreneurs - we don't view each other as competition, it becomes more a matter of processing how we could work together.

I agree, I said, in this field - yes. In other fields I have worked in, I haven't had that experience.

She then kept digging at me - I'm SUURREEE it was just the wine, but this woman then like flipped this switch and kept saying how she had NEVER come across that, and she kept implying that it was me.

Wait, I thought - hold the phone here - are you KIDDING ME?? We have over 50 writers on this site, primarily all female, and my primary demographic is female.

I turned it back to her saying that yes, in the past that was what I experienced, but then when I started my own business and working in this side of tech - it was night and day. Cellular sales = a nightmare with a female supervisor. Running your own website and having female business partners = dream come true.

She then turned up her nose a bit (literally, it was a micro-expression, and kinda gnarly that I caught it) and asked how long I had been in tech. I took my first job in tech at 21, I'm about to turn 27 - so about 6 years in various fields. This woman, if I had to guess 10 years my senior - shot me this look of ... PPFFTTT child.

I got INCREDIBLY awkward at that point. Mostly because we were dominating the entire conversation at the table, and it was turning a bit south. Also too, with alcohol involved - people have their own thannngg! Not mad at it, but I just felt UNBELIEVABLY uncomfortable with what she was insinuating. Even gnarlier too because the other chick actually agreed with me 100% - I don't know exactly why she only had a problem with me, but whatevs. I just looked at Julie wondering if I was stepping out of line, or saying anything - and she shot me this look of "you're fine."

I took a deep breath, smoothed things out by emphasizing with her point of view, and quickly changed the subject. I might not have had as much experience in the field as this chickie had, but negating my point of view all together was incredibly rude.

Whatever though - it wouldn't be the holidays if there wasn't a wee bit of drama, right?

So that happened.

The dinner was ABSOLUTELY delicious however - Amanda was an AHMAZING host, and the rest of the evening was spent with the guys breaking out the guitar singing, as I huddled with the chicks and talked tech.

It was great, and me and the chickadee eventually ended up sitting next to each other for the rest of the evening. Again, I wasn't looking to start anything, but I certainly wasn't going to take someone taking jabs at me like that after I had just opened my mouth. So weird.

After a full meal, I actually slept in SUPPPPEERRRR late on Thanksgiving day. No, like literally- I slept until 2:30 in the afternoon. I. was. fucking. exhausted.

Got up, hung out with Julie - and then her bright eyed and bushy tailed self inquired about what we were going to do for the evening.

You mean I have to go out? I thought

Fine fine fine, it is a holiday, and while I wanted nothing more than to stay in and sleep some more - I figured a beer or two couldn't hurt.

Julie and I then hit up our favorite haunt, Barneys Beanery on Santa Monica.

While we were walking in, this guy was standing at the door - he turned around and I realize holy shit! It's the dude I took to an orgy earlier in the year!

See, I had been asked to be a guest on the Dr. Suzy show in downtown to discuss nerds, sex, and tech. I was totes game, but had also wanted to kick it with this dude, and with my travel schedule wasn't able to hang with him any other night. Figuring that any guy that I date has to be pretty gung-ho for anything - it couldn't hurt to just take the first date to the interview/ orgy.

<tangent> btw, I don't participate, I just watch. The first one I went to was wayyyy kinkier, but it's pretty interesting to watch animals being animals and I'm an insanely curious person anyway - so this kinda place was right up my alley. </tangent>

I had seen the orgy guy a few times at Barneys since our date over the summer, and I dunno ... it was just awkward. I never talked to him after that night, and I know he read the site - so I just didn't feel the need to discuss why I didn't really feel a connection.

Julie and I then grabbed a table inside, ordered a our beers and after a few minutes, orgy dude came back to our table.

Happy Thanksgiving! I said

He smiled and greeted us back - I then invited him to sit down (not wanting to be rude).

Thanks! He said as he sat down next to me.

We went back and forth for the first few minutes on what we've been up to. Then he cut out the bullshit and said, so I've been reading your site. Do you really get that many penis pictures?

I take a deep breath thinking OMGGGGGGGG this is so awkward!! The guy I took to an orgy is asking me about penis pictures!!

So. Freaking. Weird.

Yes, I say. Many more than I'd care to admit to, but I've decided to at least do something about it now.

He laughs, but the awkwardness lingered.

Let's play a game of quarters, he said.

Julie and I both look at him funny - I've never played I said.

Great, it doesn't take that much skill, just a pitcher of beer. I'll be right back!

He then went and got a pitcher of beer and extra glasses and just like that - two hours and two pitchers later Julie and I were suppppeerrrr schwasted with the guy that I took to an orgy.

Hil-arious.

We then called it a night, and cabbed it back.

He earned a lot of respect in my book, Julie said. There we were, and things were definitely awkward, and he turned it into the FUNNEST night ever!!!

I was all, DUDE! I totally agree!!! Still not going to date him though - but he's a REALLY nice guy. Very generous of him to buy the beer.

The next morning, I chugged some serious water, and rode my bike down to mid-wilshire to meet with @realityadjacent aka the Modern Day Shaman.

He has agreed to help me with my dating woes in exchange for talking about my sessions with him on the site!

I was all - OMG! AMAZING!!! Dudes, this guy is the SHIIIITTTTTTTT!!! The first time I met with him, I'm not even kidding you, I was TRIPPING BALLS walking down Santa Monica Blvd.

And it's INSANE because he doesn't even touch you. You just lay down on this table, and through aroma therapy and reiki he works his magic - and HOLLLYYY HELL does it work!!!

I'm. not. even. kidding. you.

Fucking bat shit. I'm not sure where I am on his profession as a whole to be honest. I do believe we are energy beings, but I have found a lot of those new agie people to be so full of shit, and can take advantage of people. The rad thing about Brendan though is he agrees, and is SOOO down to Earth, and SOOO passionate about helping people!!! And WOW does he ever!!

He could feel this block in my back where I like to always go back to people I date. I basically DIG NAILS into the past regarding my emotions and am fearful about taking on new experiences emotionally. Can't blame me after being burned so bad by almost every guy I have dated. (read the story of the mentalist here and about my first love here ANNNDD the story of my first serious relationship here)

Also too, I grew up estranged from both sides of my parental unit's family, and did I mention that my best friends in high school stalked me?

My first 24 years on this planet could not have BEEN more dramatic - but now I have taken ownership of it, and stopped victimizing myself ... oh, and I'm only telling you all about this now so you have a starting off point. I do NOT know how to get close to people. I'm FREAKISHLY analytical, and cold because I grew up alone. My friends were online, not IRL. It of course has made me UNBELIEVABLY independent (I've only relied on myself for my entire life), but as a side effect, has also made dating an impossibility. That is a conflict with the hopeless romantic that still lives inside of me, and believes SO DEEPLY in a thing called love. To find that however, I had to love myself first (which this website allowed me to do) but now after 103 dates in 9 months, the one thing that I learned was that even with an algorithm dictating who I went out with - I was STILL attracted to the only 4 that were emotionally unavailable.

Unsure of how to break the pattern - I posted on it, and then Brendan had reached out to me, and we've now started working together.

I WILL better myself. I WILL break this pattern. I am not a cold person, I am just matter of fact and realistic that certain personalities complement each other better. It's all just a numbers game, and the more guys that I meet and the more I work on myself the more progress I can make in finding a guy to date.

He put me into a trance and it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. My body temperature went THROUGH THE ROOF too! It was really freaky. When I was on my back, I had chills from head to toe - litreally, my body temperature dropped ... then when he flipped me over on my stomach everything got SOOOOO HOT!!! I felt like I was on FIRE! It was INSANE!!!

As he was working on my back he instructed me to turn my head into the pillow and scream ... ohhhhhhhh boy and scream did I ever.

I let out the pain, I let out the hurt in one long AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Say thank you, he said. These experiences served a purpose, but they no longer belong to you.

You have NO idea how good that felt - I was literally on an entirely new level.

After about an hour he woke me from the deepest trance I had ever been in.

That was amazing, I said as I got up from the table. My mind jumped all around, my imagination was on FIRE!! As well as my body when you turned me over to my stomach.

He handed me a glass of water - here, drink this. You're dehydrated.

I laughed thinking about the night before, and how this was entirely possible.

Stay in the love, he instructed. Let love shine from your soul and into your heart.

I smiled, as I grabbed my basket excited to ride my bike back to Hollywood.

Riding my bike brings me great joy and bliss, I said.

Yeah, just don't get too blissful and end up on the front of a truck.

I laughed as we hugged and I walked downstairs and outside to bike back to Hollywood.

As I mounted onto my bike, literally the first song that came on Pandora was Pearl Jam's Alive.

Really life? Could you BE MORE FANTASTIC, I thought.

In that moment, and in 26 years on this planet - I had never felt more alive.

I can't describe what sessions with the shaman do to me. You feel - lighter. He unclogs you energetically, I don't know how else to put it. I didn't trip as hard as I did the first time around, mostly because it wasn't a new sensation - but I then spent the rest of the weekend isolated in the apartment catching up on my Netflix. Again, the guy NEVER touched me, NEVER gave me anything - but all I wanted to do was be wrapped up in a blanket and not talk to people. I wasn't super emotional, but I did feel this OVERWHELMING wave of gratitude for this present moment and for being alive in general. Life is not at all what I thought it was growing up. Life truly is about perception, and to carry anger, and hurt is one of the most destructive things a person can do. Where does it get you?!?!! Nowhere! You friggen end up alone scared to get close to anyone.

Hilarious that then like I said I spent the rest of the weekend alone, but I had a lot of catching up to do on some sleep as I'm gearing up for another trip this week.

So there ya have it nerderinos! That was my big holiday weekend! Not exactly how I expected it to be, but then again what in my life IS expected.

Again, so UNBELIEVABLY grateful to the shaman for his help in clearing some emotional blocks in me from an energetic perspective. I'm not even kidding you, this. guy. is. amazing. If you live in LA, you should ABSOLUTELY do a session with him. It only takes an hour, and he has an office he works out of in mid-Wilshire.

Really really really really REALLY talented man - and I'm tearing up writing this over how grateful I am for him and his work. It's definitely helping and although I can't see the results yet, I can certainly feel them.

Here's to the future!! It's certainly looking a lot brighter than the past!! WHOOP WHOOP!!! I'm SOOO ready for you relationship. Just gotta keep dating - it's all a numbers game.