They're Talking Nerdy Baby: #NerdsUnite
What was that soft pillow? I had no more to fall back on than anyone else in this world, that's for sure.
But first off, thanks for reaching out. Really appreciate it ...
Coming from an affluent background had a LOT to do with what influenced my decision to do what I did, but maybe not the way you think. My parents have money, yes, but that wasn't what it was about. Frankly, if you were to ask them, they'd deny up, down, left, and right, that they even had it. I was told as a child that if anyone were to ask us about money, we were to say that we were "comfortable." My dad is a lawyer, and my mom is a writer - but they worked INCREDIBLY hard for all that they have. I won't shovel up the family drama, as that is their story to tell and not mine, and all lifecasting is done in first hand ... but the people my dad grew up with had beaucoup de dollars, and they were just some of the nastiest people on this planet. For reals, I am neither here nor there on them now ... but they did some really rad psychological warfare on my mother and I that still causes arguments.
When I was around 13, there was something that was done regarding money that literally caused an immediate estrangement. No joke, they even stood me up for my 13th birthday party. Like immediate - never talking to you again. The cause of it is irrelevant, the fact of the matter was that they were just all after the money. In my brain, I started to equate money with nothing but stress, heartache, and problems. People talk about wanting to have it, and amass this fortune to just be happy for once in their life, and I saw very first hand at a very young age - that all it did was lead to more problems. Happiness came from within. I was determined in the last year to do some incredible soul searching to find out what made me happy. I knew it wasn't from money.
I had no more of a soft pillow than anyone else in this world. I've said very publicly over and over that my parents and I have had a rough year and some change because of this site and my decisions over it. We literally stopped speaking for a bit. I constantly held them in a place of unconditional love and knew that one day, coming from such a loving place, all wounds could be healed. Although they said a handful of times that I could have gone back home, I knew I wasn't going to; I'm stubborn like that. Stubbornness of course lies as a defense mechanism for the ego, but I didn't see that at the time. Plus, failure or success is a personal thing. I was literally sleeping in my car - and I never once felt like a failure. It was a corporate sponsored car, in corporate sponsored pajamas, eating corporate sponsored food, drinking corporate sponsored water. I knew I was doing something right in bartering; I just didn't know what to fully make of it all.
Happiness to me as a child was feeding my family of ducks. Loved them!I just choose to stay very present, as that is where my sanity lies since technically speaking, I still haven't paid rent - and am still homeless, just not without a home. Right now, I am currently staying in an apartment in Hollywood because of my involvement with the pilot they are making from this site ... but other than that, I have no idea what is next, nor do I even care. It took a shift in consciousness to appreciate the littlest things in this world. People ask me all the time, how is it that your mind can be this blown every day - and I'm like, DUDE! did you SEE the sunrise? Or how fucking AMAZING the shade of blue the sky is today?? It's a total trip, and I don't have a way to describe it to you unless you've experienced it.
My final decision to become homeless came with the fact that I knew I had enough corporate sponsored items to sustain a very simple existence I found happiness in. I love love love traveling, and have no problem being so nomadic ... I just wanted to keep lifecasting and build up enough movement associated with this website to allow me to do it for a really long time.
I feel your pain in debt - as I have that as well. Debt is a scary thing. I used to have a perfect credit score, now I think it's somewhere in the negatives. However, I don't let that define me, like I used to. I remember crying once to the Comcast lady because the bill was 3 days late. Literally ... crying. I put my own value in my credit score. Sad.
I made the decision that if I was going to go for it ... I was really really REALLY going to go for it, and that is where I am today. I hit this total road block in life of fuck it. If today was my last day, I was going to be really proud that I accomplished something for the first time in my life, just for me. It's go big, or go home. Hopefully, one day I'll have a home of my own to go to.
Thanks for reaching out ... if you wanna talk offline about it my email is: JenFriel@talknerdytomelover.com