#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick
Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.
#nowplaying: So much things to say- Bob Marley
It is CRAZY retarded how much I love what I do. Honestly, the love for building this community was the ONLY thing that has gotten me through being homeless for almost an entire year. Yep, not knowing where you are gonna sleep really messes with you psychologically ... but knowing that you have a "home" online, just makes it all better. Dude, this is LA! We're always on the go anyway ...
It's the best of times and the worst of times. I know without a SHADOOWWW of a doubt that what I did will change the rest of my everything for a very, very, very long time. I did that. I had a goal, and stopped at nothing to accomplish it ... but fuck man, why is it you can meet THOUUSSAANNDDSS of people, and still feel lonely. I am around people ALL DAY irl, and online ... yet, it's not very often that I find people that inspire me, and excite me. They're just all so predictable!!! I don't get it! Do you not understand it is the GREATEST time to be ALIVE!!! Social media changed EVVERRYTHIINNGGGGG!! For reals, marketing is at GROUND ZERO! Entertainment?? HAHA!! Totally going social ... gone are the days on one way TV. Interaction, ftw! I'm LITERALLY watching it with a front row seat all day, everyday ... and holy CRAP it excites me!! Like a lot ... a lot ... a lot ... a lot.
I won't say that there's something missing, because honestly there isn't ... I'm just a perpetual share-er. I don't know how not to explain what I am experiencing to people around me. I make a living doing that ... but intimate relationships have definitely been sacrificed. Even with my parents. I would KILL for a hug from my dad right now, but I'm on the other side of the country ... and the best they can say is, you're doing a great job, daughter! They're kind of at this weird loss for words that, holy crap! you did it - and wow ... these people know who you are? I can't imagine having been in their shoes, but am grateful for the love.
I'm 10 steps ahead because my brain just processes this shit THAT much faster ... and it SUCKS because I want to talk to people about it, and they're so few and far between and spread out all across the world. I have 3 friends that I can actually discuss things in a very candid, fiercely passionate and intellectual nature. My brain just moves too fast man, and I have no interest in sitting around explaining things. I'd rather just put on headphones, dance to the beat, and move on. I don't even have a manual to refer to to see if this is "normal" since, oh yeah! everyone in this space is WRITING the manual upon execution.
bah. bah. bah.
Is this the curse of getting to do what you love everyday? It's terribly isolating. Dude, I'm SOO over people not liking what they do. It's like quit your job, and get out of my face. I did it ... you can do it ... suck it up whiny mc-whinester and put on your big boy pants. Life is yours for the taking. So go get it! ... annndd time is up!
Had a pretty rad date the other night, btw! Not posting on it ... cause, I learned my lesson the last go around. But super awesome dude. Works like 18 hours a day on set of this show on CBS ... so he's also absurdly busy. Mama likes that ... I'm so gonna end up being a cougar. I've always done things ahead of my peers ... can cougars be 26? *sigh*
