@AsheighMayes Not #Dating For a Year?
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ashleighmayes
Guys...I'm in trouble. Big trouble. Like...realizing that it wasn't such a good idea to pick up the baby Kangaroo, having it scream, and then having the big ass male Kangaroo chase you down because you messed with its baby (Yeah...true story. Kangaroos are effing FAST!). A month or so ago I posted about how my breakup with boyfriend of over a year was the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. Little did I know, I was wrong. Turns out, it's been the BEST thing that could have happened to me. One night I just decided to be happy. It was as simple as that. Things weren't going to change and my ex already found a new girl. Plus...I didn't want to go back to the relationship because I knew it'd just bring more heartache. Since then, I've been socializing like a mofo, working on my art like there's no tomorrow, and just enjoying every little aspect of my life. Maybe that's why I'm in the boat I'm in now...
A few weeks ago, I told myself I wouldn't date for a year. I'm still single, but I'm not sure how long that's going to last. I'm so facinated by all the guys around me. I want to know more. I'm thirsting to get to know them...they make socializing fun. Part of my socializing has involved talking to a LOT of males. I've just always been that way. Guys are just into the same things that I am and not many girls are. I've grown up seeing how mean and nasty girls can be to each other. Don't get me wrong...guys aren't perfect either, but they don't hold a grudge about a stolen glittery pen five years later...
I've been talking to guys and hanging out and I admit, I've got my eye on a few. That sounds really, really, bad...but I promise, it's not my intention to be a whore or anything. I've been just talking and hanging out. It's not something that I'm extremely proud of, but it's not something I feel bad about either. It just is what it is. See...I don't want to get attached to anyone in Arkansas. I want to finish out school here and put my ass on a plane to New York City. I'm planning on going to grad school at NYU for Art Therapy. Every. Single. Day. I think about New York City. Everything I do is driven by the fact that my heart is still there.
At this point, I feel like a relationship would mean giving up my dreams. Call me selfish, but I know what I want and I WILL get it.
So...back to my mess. I feel like I've got too many guys falling for me too quickly. Let's break things down.
Guy #1: I really, really, really liked this guy. I've been best friends with him for a while, but that didn't mean anything, apparently. He hung out with me one night...we played video games. In the end, we ended up making out. He suddenly has to leave and I'm really confused and upset. Guess what? Dream guy has a girlfriend and I'm CRUSHED. If anyone knows how much pain I'm in...it's him. What does he do? Show me a COMPLETELY different side of him that I didn't know existed. Me and his girlfriend just happen to be close friends. What do we do? We set him up. In the end, she had his phone, put me on speaker, and MADE him tell the truth to BOTH of us. Bad thing was...I was still stuck on him and willing to give him another chance. He just wanted to use me and I wasn't having that. I miss him....like...really bad. But what can you do?
Guy #2: SOOO amazing!! He's GORGEOUS and totally into EVERYTHING I am. One thing, though...he's like...seven hours away. We get along so well and he's incredibly sweet. I know we'd be perfect together. He says he doesn't want a long-distance thing again and I don't blame him one bit. At first, I was the one who wanted it and he didn't...but now I'm feeling like he's falling more and more and I'm getting more hesitant because I'm falling more and more. I actually thought about changing my plans for this guy. He's crazy about me and it makes me feel AMAZING. I'm actually pretty crazy about him, too. He can make my day better in an instant and I can't imagine not talking to him.
Guy #3: I crushed HARD on this guy a few years ago in Photography I class. I was always with somebody, so I never had the chance to explore it. Now, years later, we've started talking again. He's really sweet and extremely funny. I'm facinated by his knowledge of the theater and lighting and stagecraft. It's mindblowing. As an artist, I guess I can appreciate anything that a LOT of work is put into for the enjoyment of an audience. But he's so dedicated! He's got big goals....and he graduates next semester. I still have at least two semesters left... And then it's NYU. He's interested in Yale for grad school and I honestly believe he'll get there. I've been staying with him for the past couple of nights. The more that I talk to him...the more facinated I am. The more he tells me...the more I want to know.
Guy #4: Ohhhh Guy #4. We go way back, don't we? Guy #4 just came back into my life yesterday. There I was...sick in bed with the flu when I get a text from an odd number. I dated Guy #4 for more than three years but less than four. I literally grew up with him. I dated him through all of high school and my first year of college (I graduated high school a year early). Everyone just knew he and I would be married. In fact, we were engaged. Everything was PERFECT in our relationship except one thing...he had some habits I just couldn't accept at the time. I had a lot of hang-ups that I just didn't know how to get over. Since then, I've lived a little and I've realized that they weren't all that uncommon. I've also realized that maybe I was a little harsh and quick to judge. He seems to have made a change, but I'm not sure. He wants to meet up with me sometime.
Guy #5: He's really sweet and fun to hang out with. He was my first real date. He texts me every day, but somehow, I'm feeling a little smothered. We were set up by family and friends and went on a date. It went well enough, but he's really shy and I am somewhat. I don't feel like we had enough in common, but I think he's a rare breed. He wasn't pushy or perverted and was very genuine. Back to the smothered thing....every Facebook status has been about me....and he sends me mushy texts all the time. We went on one date for a few hours. I don't feel like I really know him. At the same time, though, I don't want to hurt him. It's stressful....
I feel like there's TOO MANY GUYS!!! Haha. I'll tell you one thing, though...it sure has helped my confidence. I didn't think that anyone would be interested in me...now I'm having to think of the top five. Any advice, anyone?
By the way, the picture above? It's a line from a song by one of my FAVORITE boys EVER. I <3 You, Christofer Drew Ingle! If you were around, there would BE NO list! *sigh*
