#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen: A Fetish Goes Horribly Wrong
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Malik. He's a college student with a double major in sociology and criminal justice. He resides in Maryland where he likes long walks on the beach, and goes to the Warped Tour every year. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT MALIK !!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @_MalikW
There are nights in college that you will never want to forget. Nights that help you achieve a god-like status among your peers. This is not one of those nights ...
It all began when I had the great idea to set up a party with a sorority while I was bored in Art lecture. It was a Friday, the weather was halfway decent, what could go wrong?
Apparently everything.
The aforementioned night was destined to happen about six years ago when I began to have a weird dwarf fetish. I don’t know what it is about them that is so fucking hot, but I had always wanted to just sexually destroy one. All of my fraternity brothers make fun of me for watching dwarf porn but fuck it. I know it’s weird but zero fucks are given.
Back to the party, I spy an Asian across the room that couldn’t be taller than 4’8. My penis fell in love. I don’t know what it was, it might have been her height, or lack thereof or it could have been the idea of my penis being the equivalent of Godzilla to her (cheap Asian joke). Couple hours and many drinks later we have become very friendly and I find myself fist pumping the night away. She decides to get in front of me and grind on me and she is so small that the back of her head is on my pelvis, it was so fucking hot. Eventually the party dies down and we are all upstairs and I’m sitting down, holding hands with my Asian Dwarf Queen. I make my way downstairs to the keg and she follows behind me. A few minutes later I find myself seated on the keg with my tongue getting very acquainted with hers. I proceed to pick her up and carry her to the bathroom. IT WAS LITERALLY THE GREATEST THING EVER, I AM ONLY 140 POUNDS AND I COULD CARRY HER, I WAS SO FUCKING ECSTATIC. We’re making out in the bathroom like a bunch of 14-year olds at their first party that included both of the sexes and just as her hands go down my pants heard a loud ass bang on the door and some irate sorority girl screaming, “GET THE FUCK OUT HERE PLEDGE!”, and that’s when my Asian Midget Queen stops everything and says she has to go. Maybe she wouldn’t have left so abruptly if I didn’t neglect to shave my pubes that month.
I don’t know what the hell happened with her and her future sister, but all I know is was my balls were bluer than an ocean. Just as I’m beginning to hang my head in shame, I realize my old fuck lives two houses down from the party! Even though she’s mentally insane, I thought it was a great idea at the time, so I round up two of my pledges and proceed to go to her house. At the front door I tell them how big of a mistake this probably is and we will never speak of anything that happens inside of the house. They both nod in agreement as I proceed to dial her number to come to the door. She comes to the door and I shoot to her room as she lets the pledges in. Before she’s even upstairs I am naked and ready to take her to pound town. Right as she enters her room, she sees me naked and yells, “WHAT THE FUCK”, and slams me on her bed. At this point I’m thinking, “FUCK YEAH, YOU MAKE ME YOUR LITTLE FUCKING BITCHBOY”, but unfortunately this was not some freaky sexual role play. She called the pledges to come upstairs to look at how pitiful I looked. She also told me to never come to her house that drunk and expect her to just fuck me and leave. She finally got up and threw me my clothes and made me leave. My life was in shambles as I walked home with my head down with my balls bluer than a morning sky.