#NerdsUnite: Dating + Texting =M0dern Luv
<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
There is fine thread connecting dating and texting. While text messaging is far less invasive than a phone call, sending a text that comes across the wrong way can be like leaving a creepy message on a girl’s voicemail. And going from getting her number to getting the date can be near impossible if you are sending the wrong signals through your texts.
Although we can make plans with our buddies via texts without much issue, when texting begins to cross into the boundaries of attraction and dating, there are a few limits to how far one can (or should) go.
When you get a girl’s number, you should be texting her soon afterwards to set up a date. After the date you might text her to let her know you had fun and want to see her again sometime. Sometime before your next face to face encounter, you’ll most likely send her a flirty, fun message and banter back and forth over until you set up another meeting.
The right thing to do is send a light and playful reminder every couple of days. Too often will make you seem needy, not often enough and she’ll forget the positive impression you made on her.
Sadly many guys, especially younger guys, have fallen into an addictive pattern when it comes to texting. They’ve become slaves to the thrill of texting people; they text in the morning, at work, at night, when they’re out with the guys, when they’re in bed, and when they’re in a movie.
These guys are what we call texturbators. Texturbators text constantly just for the thrill of it – for no meaningful reason except the validation they get when she texts back. Unfortunately, just because she is writing back does not mean the relationship is moving forward. Texting is a tool, albeit a powerful one, that must be used with a purpose in mind. The texturbator will remain in a texting conversation longer than they should because he has no purpose in the conversation.
Don’t be a texturbator.
When you text someone, you usually don’t get an immediate response. There is no eye contact or body language to decipher, and although this may seem annoying, it’s really a gift because it means you can take your time responding. In real life you’re only as fast as your wit. With text, you can take a while to think of the perfect response each time.
How often have you walked away from a conversation with an attractive woman only to have the perfect thing to say come to mind right afterward? Why couldn’t it have come to you when you needed it? Texting will directly help you to develop the skill of quick wit and banter necessary for flirting.
Another huge benefit of texting is that it is far less invasive than a phone call would be. With a text you get direct access to her. All she needs to do is open her phone. This means you are far more likely to get a response than if you call because she could be in a place where she can’t talk.
Another advantage of texting is that she is much more likely to say what is on her mind because you aren’t face to face. The lack of social pressure in texting can be particularly useful when it comes to creating a sexual state with her.
Finally, text messaging allows you to work smarter, not harder. You can flirt with several girls at once from just about anywhere.
Texting is no doubt one of the most powerful and versatile tools for building and maintaining attraction with a woman. But sometimes it can lead to becoming a texturbator. Overtexting is a dangerous game. Persistent text messages communicate neediness and a scarcity mentality. Neediness is communicated through a need for her approval and response. Texting too much shows attention-seeking behavior.
“She didn’t text me back!”
“What should I do? She is ignoring me!”
You should be looking at this situation with an abundance mentality, not a scarcity mentality. Abundance says, “She didn’t text me back but it’s ok, there are plenty of other fish out there.” Scarcity says, “Oh no, I did something wrong, I better send a few more texts to make myself look cool again.”
Another thing low-value guys do is respond immediately every time. Taking some time to respond communicates that you have a life and other things going on. She is not the most important thing in your life. If you are always available and respond immediately or are continually texting her throughout your day, she will wonder why you don’t have anything else keeping you busy. I don’t mean purposely wait a few hours to text back; I mean don’t drop everything to check your phone when it vibrates.
Think about this: if you already have a life full of amazingly beautiful women, would you really care if an interaction with a new one failed? No! You have enough going on in your life that it’s okay if one interaction doesn’t work out!
You must release your attachment to the outcome. High-value men like you should be screening low-value people out, not hanging on to whatever comes your way.
These behaviors are a guaranteed way to kill attraction. Being a texturbator and being at the beck and call of your phone does not show others the value you have, nor the quality of person you are. If you want to know more about texting, head over to howtotextgirls.com and check it out. We’ve got the textbook for sale there as well, which will give you tons of help.
#nerdsunite
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.