#NerdsUnite: How to build rapport on a date
<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
Rapport is an emotional exchange that helps people feel a connection on a deeper level. The next time you go out to eat, observe the people chatting with each other. What you’ll often see is people leaning toward one other, smiling, making eye contact and mirroring or mimicking each other’s movements and gestures. They’re in rapport. On a subconscious level, we all mirror the movements of someone we like or want to impress.
If you are trying to connect with a woman but feel as though you seem to be missing something, that something is probably the mutual trust and respect that is formed through rapport.
This trust can be sparked through body language, vocal tonality, wordage, and confidence. If you act like there is already a layer of trust, the other person will assume you a trustworthy person.
Sharing emotions doesn’t have to be rough, nor does it mean you are weak. Indeed, you’ll find that sharing how you feel at the right time (during rapport) will make you seem more confident – showing you aren’t afraid to show who you really are. People want to get to know the real you on a real level, and this can only be done through rapport and exchange.
Since rapport is an emotional exchange, you may be thinking, “How do I initiate this exchange?” The easiest answer to this question is this – open yourself up first. Men are made to be leaders. Without opening up first, women may not feel comfortable talking about themselves on a deeper level. Opening up first shows vulnerability because there is a possibility that you won’t be accepted. You can’t expect a girl to lower her guard unless you let yours down first.
American culture says men should be stone-faced, and because of this, men work without end to hide their emotions from others. This works against our gender role of protector and provider. Showing no emotion does not provide the emotional outlet females need. Women want to know that we understand how they feel, and to be able to understand how we feel in return. That connection is what bonds people together. No vulnerability means that the woman cannot feel completely open and comfortable around you. Being able to communicate how you feel emotionally, without letting it overwhelm you, is a key trait that many men look over because we are so worried about being attacked for a lack of manliness. Being authentically manly means sharing emotions when the time is right, not remaining hidden to the world.
One of the most important things in life is knowing who you are. Rapport with anyone, let alone a woman, is difficult if you don’t know who you are – what your passions in life are.
Spend a little time soul-searching. Get to know your feelings, what you believe in and how it affects your interactions and thoughts on a daily level.
Trust me, you won’t regret it.
Doing this helps build a sense of self, and helps formulate how you think about yourself in a positive way. When you are able to speak freely about some of your own feelings, it becomes a lot easier for others to feel comfortable and add to the rapport. Once you have that, people feel more at ease to invest in the interaction, building a better bond that you may use to transition into seduction, a strong friendship, a healthy work environment, or better family bonds.
Feeling vulnerable will be uncomfortable at first, but these are the things women will connect with and find endearing.
Opening up is great, but be careful about too much rapport too soon. This will come across as being needy. Try to be conscious of this. She’ll be chasing you if you don’t give up too much after opening up.
#nerdsunite
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.