#DateMySchoolDorm: Meaning of life, revisiting one of the 103 dates in 9 months, & I'm going BACK to Miami
What a very eye opening 24 hours this has been. For reals!! Not only did I get hit up yesterday by one of the 103 dates in 9 months BUUUTTT we started a cool new dating sponsorship, AND I found out I'm LEAVING FOR MIAMI TONIGHT ... AGAIN!!!! (This trip btw, is definitely going to be party hardy marty! On Saturday I'm going to this super fancy pants rooftop thingie majiggie with gorgeous half naked men. Prepare drool cups!)
Alrite, so lemme break this all down for youze.
Yesterday, I met up with TNTML intern John to head over to UCLA to start our newest sponsorship the #DateMySchoolDorm. See, for the next however long, TNTML is going to be kicking it over at UCLA every Wednesday giving out dating advice, assisting in setting up online dating profiles, and genuinely kicking it. (If you can't be there in person btw, you can totes tweet in using the hashtag #datemyschooldorm.)
This being our first day doing it, we were more or less just scouting things out to see what we would need to do a full blown kick off next week.
We first set up at a starbucks but quickly realized this wasn't a good environment.
We need to do this at a bar, I said to John. I'll talk to some of the restaurants around and see if we can get the first pitcher free for everyone.
Great, he said adding his own suggestion on contacting alumni associations, and student unions.
John, being in college, knows a lot about this.
Great, great, great, I kept saying.
We then wrote down the next doable actions for my call with Date My School.
While we were sitting jotting all of everything down, I got a message from one of my 103 OKC dates in 9 months.
Woooahhh, I said to John.
Here is the actual message ...
FTR, "blacklisting" someone requires too much energy. I have NO hate for anyone ... ever. I jive with being a happy little hippie, but my time is also money and if I don't hit it off with someone I bounce. Period end of sentence.
No hard feelings, nada. Just you be you, I'll be me, and keep on being awesome!
Either way, we then agreed to meet up at Barneys but first John and I decided to get some grub.
John is a very interesting soul. He's first of all super young, but one of the wisest people I know. I genuinely don't even think it registers with him half of the shit that comes out of his mouth - but everything is always so profound.
I decided to seize the opportunity and open up to him about everything going on in my life.
I'm ready to settle down, I said. I've been ready all year actually, but now my body is literally kicking in and I genuinely can't stop oohing and aahing at little kids as they cross my path. I always knew I was super maternal, but this is the first time in my life that I'm genuinely picturing having a family and what that would be like.
Dude, I was at a casting earlier this year and they handed me a stuffed baby giraffe in a baby blanket and I almost cried. It was the size of a newborn but it was this SURRGGEEE of holy shit, I could totally do this.
Wow, he said.
Yeah, but at the end of the day, it was still a baby giraffe so let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
He started laughing.
I don't know who I am anymore, I admitted. I'm 27, I consider myself very successful, and now for the first time LITERALLY in my entire life my goals are not professional and I have no series of next doable actions. This is hands down the scariest time of my life.
It's the difference between letting your body rule you and your identity rule you.
Wow, that's really profound, I said. I agree though, we think we're so evolved as human beings but that's just the ego speaking. There are preexisting biological factors that I literally cannot deny. I've always thought it was SUPER cliche to call it your "biological clock" but I totally get it and I see it in my friends as well.
I'm not just dating anymore, I admitted, I'm looking for a suitor. I size guys up SO differently now and I guarantee you it's because of these hormones and surges I feel in my body.
He stopped me.
Look at what you just said.
What? I said.
You called them suitors. Not dates, not boyfriend - you used the word suitor.
Do you know the root of that word?
No, I said.
Back in the day, regal women would have suitors come to their door to try to court the woman. Working class women had callers, but regal women had suitors. You have suitors, and you are looking for marriage not just dating.
I KNOW, I said - and there goes my unconscious admitting that on a deeper level.
I am confident that you will know when you know, and when you do know you have to pursue him or you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it.
I know, I admitted, holding back tears. I have to be respectful obviously, but I have to have to have to keep pursuing. I will literally live the rest of my life regretting passing this up if I don't.
He smiled knowing what I was talking about.
He then finished his burrito and switched topics.
I've never seen someone hustle or work harder than you Jen. The only thing you are fighting now is time and other people to understand what it is that you are doing. You live your entire life with the yin and yang that people STRIVE to even see. Your work is your life which is your passion.
Wow, I say sitting back in the booth. This genuinely means a lot to me coming from you.
(It's one thing to have someone compliment you on your work ethic, it's another to have someone working for you say how well you are doing. Extremely, extremely humbling.)
I know you'll achieve anything you want, I believe in it so much - you just have to be happy.
I then thought about my bliss list, and I can say very genuinely I'm doing DAMN good!!
I really appreciated this conversation, I said to John. It's amazing how life gives you exactly what you need the moment you need it.
John then stood up and I gave him a big hug.
You are so wise beyond your years John.
Aw shucks, he says with a smile.
I then switched over to one of the back booths so I could charge my phone and wait for my date.
I knew nothing was going to happen with this guy since we ended things so poorly last time - but I figured he did charm me enough to get a second AND third date, so maybe seeing things with a fresh set of eyes would change things.
(Working with a shaman for a year can't not change someone. I was just excited to see what was different!!)
I look down at the clock and notice it is 5 past 8.
Really? really? AND he's late? I thought tweeting out my frustration.
The second I click send I notice there is someone standing in front of me.
Hello, he says.
I get up and hug him.
Good to see you, I say.
Thanks you too.
He then sits down in the booth.
Charging your phone at the bar, I see.
Clearly. This is what I do, I say with a smile.
He then stares at me ... deeply.
It's good to see you, I say breaking the stare.
It's really good to see you too, he said continuing to stare.
Wow, you're really mellow, he said.
Am I? I said. That is literally the last thing anyone has ever said about me.
You are. Your energy has changed. Just wait until you start talking about your business and then that charisma will come out.
I actually don't talk about my business anymore. I'm pretty good with everyone and am now seeking more in regards to dating.
He then leans in.
I haven't admitted this to anyone, he says, but I'm in escrow.
Congratulations, I said.
Yeah, I've been working really hard and saving like crazy.
Remembering that he brought a groupon on our first date I replied, yes, you have been!
He continues to stare at me. hard.
Tell me more, I said, breaking the stare again.
What would you like to know?
I don't know, I say. I'm not a naturally inquisitive person.
He then goes back to staring.
WOW, this is so fucking uncomfortable I thought.
What are irish sunglasses made out of?
I don't know, what?
Two black eyes.
I stare back, barely laughing.
What is a 7 course meal for an irish person? he asked.
I don't know, what? I say dry
A six pack and a potato.
Do you not like off colored jokes? he asked
I do when they are funny, I say without skipping a beat.
He then makes the awkward turtle hand signal.
What are you thinking right now, he asked?
I don't know, I admit. I feel very open, and I'm listening to what you are saying.
You are VERY focused, he said.
I know, you have my attention, so I am giving it to you, I reply back again very dry.
Everything in this kid is SO THICK!!! He is HANDS DOWN one of the most dense people I have ever met in my entire life. I genuinely don't know if he never dates, or what his issue is - but MAN, there is being "bad" with women and then there is this kid. He doesn't understand cues, and he doesn't at all understand that STARING at a woman like she is a literal piece of meat is the most uncomfortable thing in the entire world.
What should my response be? Think about it!!!
He KEPT staring at me complimenting me on my eyes, etc. As a female what else can I say other than thank you? and THEN where does the conversation go??
Women respond to emotion. MEN are physical.
HOW DOES THIS GUY NOT KNOW THAT?!?!?! (He had also told me on our first date that he studied social dynamics. This guy HADD to have only taken an intro class or just failed out. I've NEVER seen anything like it.)
I then bit my lip about to take a sip of beer.
AH-HA! He said.
What? I say putting the beer down.
You bit your lip.
Oh, I say, realizing my lips were genuinely very chapped.
<tangent> Biting your lip is typically a sign of attraction. </tangent>
You have to take the entire situation into play, I explain to him. Everything is like a snapshot. You have to understand someone's constant before jumping to that conclusion. Out of those snapshots you tell the entire story - you can't just take a corner and expect it to be the entire bit of everything.
<tangent> Dudes, I haven't had sex in almost THREE MONTHS (or done ANYTHING sexually related) and after spending literally days with VERY smart, VERY gorgeous, eligible bachelors - if I'm not sleeping or touching them, I'm DEFINITELY not sleeping or touching a 25 year old that I find so terribly uninspiring. </tangent>
Let's go for a walk, he said.
Alrite, I say. There is a fountain right there.
We then waited for the waitress and surprisingly she took a really ... really ... long time.
The Righteous brothers then come on the radio ...
AHHHHH!! I love this scene from Top Gun, I say.
I haven't seen Top Gun, he admits.
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!! I scream
Yeah, I haven't seen Top Gun, Dirty Dancing, or The Big Lebowski.
WHAATT!?!?!?!?! I scream back.
Now, I know I am the pop culture queen, and I genuinely don't expect guys to be - but COME ON!!!! These are culturally iconic flicks that need to be seen at SOME POINT in people's lives.
I understand the references, he said.
I shoot back.
Dude, that's like me showing you this menu and describing what all of this food is like. To truly understand it you first have to EXPERIENCE it!!! You can't get the friggen references without understanding where they come from?!?!!?!?
At this point I got why this guy and I didn't continue dating; I genuinely would have shot myself.
He's super super super dense, completely misreads cues, and is extremely immature.
Again though, maybe he doesn't date. I very honestly don't know - but all I DID know in that moment was the fact that I wanted out ... FAST.
The server then comes over and she hands us the bill.
I take out some of the very little cash that I had offering to pay my part.
He grabs the money out of my hand putting it in his pocket.
Wow, I thought.
Now, it's NEVVEERRRRRR about the money when it comes to dating, but rather the courtship process in general. Women psychologically need to view a man as a provider (hence my entire post on gender roles). Period end of sentence.
This guy being so immature emotionally to begin with I wondered if he could even take care of himself.
We then walk out of the bar, and I give him a hug thanking him for the evening.
What about the walk, he said?
(He at this point had been telling me all evening how he has to get up early for work.)
You've just said over and over that you have to get up early in the morning, and tomorrow I have to get ready for Miami (more on that in a minute).
Wow, he said, breaking the hug.
Good night, I said putting on my headphones and grabbing a cab.
By the time I got home I look down and realize I got a text.
Here is the actual message ...
WHO PARKS AT BARNEYS?!?!?! It's West Hollywood - you WILL get a parking ticket.
So so so so so stupid.
UUGGHHHH!! I think as I get into my apartment.
I then see my roommate and her boyfriend.
THIS is why I didn't continue to see this guy, I say showing them the text message. He was so THICK headed!!! Even if this happens, you don't EVER tell the girl about it. He's such a fucking pussy, man.
They all laughed and moments later more texts came in ...
Normally when a guy asks for feedback I'm TOTALLY game to give it to him - but this kid just fucking annoys me. He DOESN'T GO AWAY!!! He did this last time too, after I told him to go away he texted me for DAYSSSS after.
Emails.
Calls.
Texts.
Repeat.
Emails.
Calls.
Texts.
So. Fucking. Thick. Headed.
Like, it's genuinely shocking.
I don't want to feed into his machine, so I just decided to ignore knowing that at least if he doesn't catch the hint my next response back would not be so kind.
I then laid down in bed and thought about Miami. This trip is going to be AHHHH-MAZING!!
<tangent> So, yesterday morning, I got an email from this duderino. He's a super super super successful businessman and has also been a UN peace keeper in Macedonia. Oh yeah, and did I mention that he's fucking gorgeous? It's redic actually. Either way, we struck up a chat and come to find out he's in Miami for the next few days.
What a coincidence, I said. I JUST got back from Miami on Monday.
Would you like to come again for the weekend?
ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY, I replied back.
ANNNNNDDD now I'm going to Miami. Again. He's already told me some of the stuff we are doing and this is DEFINITELY not going to be the same experience.
Can we please not talk about my work, I asked? My last date was very work-centric and while I'm obvi not mad at it, I'm just not looking to talk about what I do.
Not a problem, he said. =)
</tangent>
ANNNNNNDDD there you have it! Tonight, I am going to a charity event followed by getting dropped off at the airport sometime before midnight where I will sleep there for a few hours and then catch my 6am flight TO MIAMI TRICK!!!
Adventures in adventuring, FTW!! At least this time I'll have a cell phone. YAY PICTURES!!!
Oh yeah and ...
