#NerdsUnite: Bliss list check-in (one month later)
Alritey, so in my post Miami haze, I'd like to at least document a state of the union if you will on where I am one month later as far as my happiness is concerned.
Again, gratitude and happiness are NOT the same thing. I am eternally, eternally grateful for the gift that this website has been and for the wonderful, wonderful experiences I have been blessed to have. HOWEVER, I am ready for a change. I knew it was coming actually, I've talked about settling down all year but talk and facilitating the action required for change to occur are two very different things.
The first thing I did when I realized I wasn't happy was address the things that DID make me happy. They're extremely simple, but genuinely provide me with an enormous amount of bliss.
<tangent> Bliss btw is contagious. When you're walking in your bliss not only does everything "heighten" for lack of a better word, but more things just open for you. You are resonating at literally a different vibrational level and not only do other people pick up on it, but the universe reflects only MORE bliss back to you. It's SO FREAKING AMAZING!! </tangent>
My bliss list contained the following things:
1) Travel
2) Volunteering
3) Running
4) Dancing
5) Sex
Let's check in on each one ...
1) Travel - I have in the last month spent a week in San Francisco, followed by last night getting back from an EXTREMELY relaxing trip to Miami.
While I was writing in the Soho house yesterday I was SO FREAKING INSPIRED!!! I get some of my best writing done while I'm traveling and the journey in and of itself provides a wonderful time to reflect which is extremely therapeutic.
2) Volunteering - I still haven't been able to volunteer at Blessed Sacrament BUT in exchange I have been performing a SERIES of random acts of kindness. Yesterday, on my 5 hour flight, I was seated in the exit row with the bathroom literally in front of me. Person after person kept trying to open the door not able to figure out to PUSH because they didn't speak English. Albeit, my Spanish is extremely broken, I helped at least 20 people throughout the flight figure out if the bathroom was occupied, and explained to them how to push the door. I made a concerted effort to stay awake specifically so I could be of service. That felt AMAZING!!!
While volunteering is easier to do if it is structured, if you genuinely just open your eyes in ANY moment of the day there will NO DOUBT be an opportunity to be of service. Abre los ojos mis amigos!!
3) Running - I run every morning now. It feels GREAT!!! It's a FANTASTIC way to disconnect and start my morning off right by focusing on exactly what I want to get done.
4) Dancing - Not only was I blessed enough to attend not only a taping of So You Think You Can Dance, but I was invited to the SEASON FINALE!!! I have also made conscious efforts to go dancing with my girlfriends and now I know this is genuinely something I have to include in my schedule to keep my sanity.
5) Sex- I still haven't had sex, nor done any sexual related activities in almost 3 months now. The furthest I've let anyone go is a rounding of second base with a potential quick butt grab. I've also stopped watching porn which has been pretty interesting and COMPLETELY accidental. I had this one visual in mind that was DEFINITELY able to get the job done ... and then it just KEPT getting the job done. (And still to this day!!) It was very beautiful actually and I think made a connection deeper. Again, I never understood when my guy friends would tell me how much they hated porn because it was so bad. I just looked at it and said, hey! naked people!! I get it now though, when you feel strongly enough for someone you genuinely don't need anything else. Very strange to even attempt to process but very much excited to learn from the experience.
So, where is everything else in my life now?
I'm still terribly uninspired by dating. Yes, doing things like going to Miami for a date are terribly exciting, but it wears off. The guy was SUPER smart and REALLY great, but he was also on the younger side. He was in his late 30s and all he did was work work work. I'm clearly not mad at it since I resonate with how much HARD WORK goes into being successful in any capacity, but I'm looking to settle down, man and I REALLY don't want to put my kids one day through the same shit that I grew up with. My parents had my brother and I SUPPEERRRRR young and they both worked.their.butts.off. to give us everything they could in life, but as a result - they were ALWAYS working. It made my brother and I EXTREMELY independent from an early age, but I want something different. I'm extremely, extremely family oriented and with what I do for a living, I can do it anytime and anywhere. All I do is write and I FREAKING LOVE IT!!! Having been a nanny though, and worked in a daycare, and a day camp I've seen first hand how little parental units are around in most households, and it's just not for me. I want my kids to inspire me to write, and I want to have a strong family dynamic and I want a partner that is there as well. To be able to be there they have to already be at a level where they are already professionally accomplished and I'm not entirely sure I am going to find that in a 30 year old.
<tangent> Speaking of 40+ being greater than 30 somethings, while I was on my Miami date we went to dinner at Nobu and the guy to my LEFT who was NOT MY DATE kept serving me all throughout the meal. He was from Puerto Rico (again with the latin men making me quiver) and I'm not going to lie, it was an INCREDIBLY attractive quality. I kept touching my date's arm, and checking in with him throughout the dinner to say, hey - I'm with you dude, but this is happening. Based on his own constant and based on what my date is looking for currently in his life right now we didn't match - but it was HILARIOUS to watch this little tennis match for my attention. Dudes, even my date's associate picked up on it. She laughed saying, you've got quite the fan over there. The Puerto Rican then apologized and said this is just how he is when he sees a woman sitting there. That. I. Love. I don't need a guy to open every door, or hand me flowers before every date - but YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR WOMAN WHEN YOU'RE ON A DATE!! PERIOD END OF SENTENCE!! 40+ men get that GREATLY and it's a beautiful, beautiful, thing and something I'm resonating deeply with. </tangent>
I'm ready for more. I obviously genuinely understand that a relationship won't fill you just like being "successful" won't either - but by literally scheduling in these activities I KNOW that I can maintain walking in my bliss which will no doubt only resonate more bliss. Relationships are work, man. They involve a TON of compromise, but like I said the other day to the dude I met last week, creating that shared space is a HUGE part of what life is all about. I want that in a partner. I want someone I feel like I'm in a little cocoon with. Someone that can hold my attention, someone that stimulates me intellectually more than anything else.
I may be extremely, extremely picky - but I know he's out there. My only duty is keeping my side of the street clean and understanding that life happens to you versus you forcing yourself onto it. Your number one job in life is to be as aware as possible and be as open to newness and opportunities as they arise.
(I'm actually considering going to a matchmaker since I feel like the 40+ might use their services over any online dating sites. I feel like it's a logical step, but I genuinely want to do some research first.)
Either way, my focus right now is in raising the capital I need to hire out a sales person, and another lifecaster. This little ecosphere is going to change nerderinos!! Onward and upward!! My happiness literally depends on it.
"And those who were seen dancing, were thought to be crazy, by those who could not hear the music."
#thatisall
PS. Literally waiting for UPS and my new phone to arrive. Catch up with everyone today!! Thanks so so so so soooooo much for the donations!! Thank you post to come!! SO MUCH FREAKING LOVE!! XOXOXO
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