#RealDeal: Happiness is a choice, not a destination

Sep 14

Whats up nerderinos,

I'm back in LA and WOW did it feel great to sleep in my own bed again. The trip to TCDisrupt not only gave me an ENORMOUS amount of perspective, but an ENORMOUS amount of business.

Holy crap!! I've never been in a room with so many decision makers. They were scouting something FIERCE at the conference.

Either way, I meditated for 8 hours yesterday on the bus ride back and I think I've started to find some answers.

So, as you all know, I'm not the happiest camper right now. I've spent the last (almost) 3 years TIRELESSLY hustling this brand and now I'm at the place that I always wanted to be and I've discovered it's still not making me happy. I just kept thinking but if I only got here ... or if I onlllllyyyy made it ... THERE things would feel different and I would finally be happier.

I then got there, and literally had one of the hollowest weekends of my life.

It's all just a series of shiny things, man. To feel TRULY fulfilled I need to develop more intimate relationships.

This is the first time in 27 years btw that I have EVER focused on my personal life. I started typing at 2 and had my first little computer consulting company before I hit double digits. I never understood people, but I focused my efforts on what I was good at (school/ tech/ entertainment).

I'm now at a point professionally where I've hit a point that I've always wanted to; I don't have to hustle as hard anymore, more leads come in for new business than go out, and I'm genuinely very fulfilled. I barely even talk about the site now when I meet new people. (But 9/10 times if I'm at a bar in LA someone will ABSOLUTELY know the site and then start grilling me with 100 questions.) It's a TOTAL freaking blessing, but I'm still not there.

I don't know where the "there" is, but I know it's not where I am right now.

I then thought about what I wanted to do next with my life.

Obvi, I have a lot of work still on this brand, but I'm a big picture thinker and this brand will ALWAYS stay fresh and edgy even as I enter into my twilight years.

I've been EXTREMELY blessed with a series of offers, but what is in my soul is writing, producing, and hosting. Because I grew up reading text on screens I can read from a teleprompter like it. is. mah. job. and I genuinely need to write and create for my soul.

I'm blessed that I have three offers for various hosting gigs and of the three one should def stick, so that'll be cool.

Branding wise too, I also came up with TNTML's older sister. It's going to take the same honest, dry, witty, deeply sarcastic experiences into the next stages of life. I'm pretty stoked, but obviously that is something that is a few years away - at least.

As far as the here and the now, (because after all happiness is a choice not a destination) I decided to grab this weekend by the balls and build out some of my friendships.

Tonight, I am having a happy hour with LEGIT one of my favorite people on the planet, Javier. He's actually directing the new Crow remake as well, so I can check off favorite old friend AND super successful person I can grill on real shit.

THENNNNNN, I have a few dates this weekend. One is tonight, and the other is with a 71 year old tomorrow. True story. He actually doesn't look a day over 65 - he's SUPER freaking buff. Holy crap!! I'm excited to talk real with him too about what really matters in life.

I'm settling down, man. I need to build out the other lifecasters that are going to come on board, and I need to see this business get up and running. For me to feel fulfilled I can't just keep sourcing everyone. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it.

ANNNNDDD for my connection to bliss this weekend, I am going to spend the next 15 minutes dancing around the apartment to Good Vibrations, followed by playing with puppies.

Every decision in life should be rooted in two choices: feels good/ doesn't feel good. If it feels good it is your responsibility to keep going, and if it doesn't feel good - you need to stop.

Good Vibrations is the most ridiculous song ever, and PUPPIES ARE AMAZING!!! They're such a reminder of love!!! AAHHH!! I can't wait to squeeze the little goobers!!!