#WTF: About #TCDisrupt ... Can I get a rundown? (PG-13 3some, crashing parties w twitter, dissed & kissed)

<editorsnote> Mom and dad you are ABSOLUTELY not going to want to read this. Like at all. Still love you though ... just please leave. <3 your darling daughter. </editorsnote> 

Hi nerdlings, 

Can I just say ... fuck ... my ... liver. I'm in legit pain right now. I feel like all of my internal organs grew little mouths and have been screaming at me all day - why do you hate us so much Jen? Why do you keep doing this to us?? What did we ever do to you except love and take care of you?? 

SHUT UP ORGANS!!! 

Song that goes with the post ... 

Alrite, so I'm up in SF on a corporate sponsored trip to the TechCrunch Disrupt via our friends over at AndesBeat. I'm promoing them and in exchange they took care of my bus ticket. 

SUH-WEET!!! 

I then hit up my buddy @brokeassstuart (he and I met because of you loverly people connecting us on twitter) and asked if I can crash at his place for the conference. 

Not a problem, he said. I got yo' back! 

Thanks! I said. I'll give you some advice on corporate sponsorship in exchange!! 

PERFECT! He said excited. 

I arrived Sunday night and Stuart and I went out to Zeitgeist to grab a drink. 

Everyone gets kicked out of here, he says in passing. 

What do you mean everyone gets kicked out? I ask. 

They're really strict with everything. No photos, no cell phone usage at the bar in general. If they catch you they're going to kick you out. 

Dude, I've never been kicked out of a bar before, I admitted. Not even CLOSE but you've now given me a mission. 

We then arrive at Zeitgeist and the place was pretty chill. There had been a game on earlier in the day so pretty much the entire scene had cleared out. 

Stuart and I then discussed branding options for his site and we agreed to join forces to do more things together. Him being a broke ass and me being a corporate sponsored minimalist - it just all makes sense.  

We spent the evening plotting world domination but by 12 we both decided to be responsible and head back to the apartment to be up and ready for the conference in the morning.

I'll have to cross off getting kicked out of a bar from my life list later, I thought. 

The next morning, I got up and was CHARGED to explore the city. 

I love love love traveling, and I'm SUPER sensitive to energy in general. Being in a new city and getting to explore has this ... buzz ... to it. 

I then went to the conference and met up with some friends. 

It's great talking to everyone every day via social media, but nothing beats an IRL h-u-g! 

I peaced out around 4 and opted to explore the city on foot. 

These were some of my findings ... 

 I always end up at the beach, btw. Me and water go together like horse raddish and cantaloupe. 

Wait a minute ... 

Either way, I sat out at the water and thought about everything in my life. 

What's next? I kept wondering. 

I'm MORE than ready to settle down, I'm just UNBELIEVABLY petrified at the thought of getting close to someone. 

Me and intimacy do not go together. I have my writing, I like taking pictures ... I'm very very very good at what I do, but I keep everyone at arms distance. 

I'm DEF proud to say that after a year of working with The Modern Day Shaman I've had tremendous success at becoming more open - but the scar tissue is still pretty deep. 

Shame does horrible things to a person. I used to beat myself up all the time, I settled for horrible men that were not so nice to me ... it's fucked and I'm conscious of it and STRIVE to make myself a better person every.single.day. but it's all still terribly upsetting. 

I thought I was past all of this. This website changed my life no doubt, but I was too clinical ... too ... logical. This is my actual life, and I need to be more loving. 

I did this ... I did ALL of this. I'm 27 years old and I can die tomorrow saying, fuck yeah! What a life!!! I've worked SO hard to get to where I am today, but I'm no longer sure of what it means anymore. 

There is no going back once people know you. Now every project I work on, or whatever path I end up choosing for myself professionally ... I'm pretty much kosher. I'm SUPER grateful, obvi, but I now wonder what all of this means. 

I'm at the finish line, I kept thinking. I then looked out at all of the families on the beach. 

I want that, I thought. It doesn't have to happen tomorrow, but I really want to be a mom and I really want to have a companion. I have all of these adventures solo. It's the greatest time of my life and I have ABSOLUTELY no one to share it with. 

I then thought about Antonio. 

I would be with him in a SECOND if he let me. I just have to be patient, I know he is very special. 

My eyes then welled with tears.

I'm so frustrated with my life. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm NEVER one to fall in love, and I'm NEVER one to not have a road map or a plan of action broken down into next doable actions. 

Now what? 
None of this I can control, and I'm a strategist. This is literally my own worst case scenario. 

I then dried my eyes and headed over to a happy hour. 

Conferences are work, man. You run around on the floor all day, to only have to mix and mingle at night. It's incredibly draining if you don't pace yourself. 

I then get a high five from a guy I had just met on the street. 

What are you up to, he asked? 

I'm just heading over to meet up with some readers at Mars Restaurant. 

Oh, he said, I just came from there - it's a private party. 

Do you think you need an invitation to go to a private party? I asked. 

He smiled. 

Come with me, I say grabbing his hand. 

We then crossed the street and I took out my ID and my twitter profile. 

Hi, I said confidently, Jen Friel plus one. 

The woman then scans the list, and checks out my twitter bio. 

Ummmmm ... she says nervously searching through all of the papers. You're not on here, but we can take care of you. 

Thank you, I said. Plus him, he's with me. 

We were both then given wrist-bands and access to the super fancy pants VIP party. 

<tangent> I'm sure I genuinely could just process all of this beforehand, but I'm NEVVEERRRR one to plan social activities. I don't have it in me!! I don't like throwing parties, I don't have that gene that says "it's night now. Know where to go."  </tangent> 

ANNNNDDD just like that, my karma from the VMAs was taken care of. 

I didn't have to help that guy, but he wanted to get in so you just figure out ways to make shit happen. 

Have fun, I said. Enjoy the open bar. =) 

I then got my networking on, bumping into a ton of friends in the process. 

THENNNNNN, I had to peace in the middle east and head over to a dinner twitter date. 

<tangent> A few weeks back I heard this guy speak at an event and not only was he SUPER cute, he was also one of the smartest people I had ever heard. He's also a strategist and litreally the best in his field. I shamelessly flirted with him publicly but we actually agreed to meet up over DMs. </tangent> 

I grabbed a Lyft car and headed over to his hotel. 

We met in the lobby, and dined in the restaurant. 

Thank you for meeting with me, he said. 

My pleasure. 

Work mode at this point was FULLY shut off. 

What does it all mean, I asked him sipping my drink. 

We do what we do, and at the end of the day the sun still rises, the sun still sets. When is enough ever enough? 

What do you mean? he asked. 

You're obviously a super big deal and super fancy pants ... but don't you ever want more? What happens when you realize your job doesn't provide that same sense of fulfilment that it once did? 

I don't know, he answered. 

Fuck, I thought. 

This poor dude too, he must have thought I was nuts. I was going SO deep with him - but I genuinely value who he is and his success. 

We then finished up our meal and I got a series of tweets from people telling me to check out this party. 

Would you like to come with me? I asked. 

No, he said with a smile. I have to get back to work in the morning. 

Are you sure, I say smiling back????

We then parted and I google mapped the next location. 

Dude, it's right around the corner!! Look at that!! 

(I still had my backpack on at this point having not been back to Stuart's place.)

I then took a right down the street and somehow managed to get sidetracked. 

Suddenly, I found myself in a less than desirable block. 

Fuck, I thought. This doesn't look safe. 

Seconds later I notice a street dweller with my same CES backpack.

I smile thinking of COURSE in SF the homeless have CES backpacks.

I continue walking, but am seconds later faced with a man shouting at the top of his lungs at me.

Woah, woah, woah, I said.

He continues talking jibberish about my bag. It appears he was confused and maybe thought I took his??

I wasn't sure, but after getting hit in the head with a brick - I do NOT fuck with the crazies.

I immediately dash across the street and pull up the LYFT app. 

I'm not fucking around walking solo. I don't know where I am and at this hour I'm apparently pudding for the people. 

I then get to Mighty and am IMMEDIATELY inundated with dudes. 

Being a chick at a tech conference means that not only is there never a line for the restroom, but you're also prime meat at the parties. 

I walked over to the dance floor scoping the place out. 

A guy approaches me. 

Hi.

Hello, I say back. 

Has anyone ever told you that you look like that chick from The New Girl? 

I smile and say thank you. (I get Zooey and Katy Perry at least once a week.) 

He stares back at me ... and sternly says, I didn't say that was a good thing. 

Okay, I say as I walk away. 

My worth is not defined by this dude, but didn't his mama teach him that if he doesn't have anything nice to say he shouldn't say anything at all? 

I then stop over by the bar getting another drink. 

I walk back to the dance floor sans my new friend. 

Moments later, another guy approaches. 

Can I marry you? he asked. 

I almost spit out my wine. 

Excuse me, I reply back wondering if I genuinely heard him right. 

I want to marry you, he said. 

Oh, okay! I said with a smile. 

Can I kiss you? he said with a slur. 

No you may not, I say sharply. 

He then leans in and I quickly turn my head to block. 

He proceeds to then lick the right side of my face. 

I'm fairly certain he thought he was being sexy, but being treated like a popsicle doesn't exactly turn me on. 

I stop him. 

Thank you, I said walking away. You are extremely kind. 

I then met up with some friends, but today??? Holy. shit. 

I woke up this morning with two other people in the bed, I went to a rave at noon, ANNNDD had some seriously epic adventures in between. 

Part two tomorrow. 

So evil - but FUCKKKK does it get juicy!! mwahahahahaaha 

#rockon

Very very very special thanks to AndesBeat for the sponsorship.

AndesBeat is a cultural game-changer movement that fosters the 'very' early stage growth of startups in Latin America. Check 'em out over yonder!! 

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