#NerdsUnite: The Ladies Line
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi
I have a drastic proposal for bars and clubs across the country. What if we created a three room system. I know what you are thinking? This is some kind of transgender conspiracy to accommodate that awkward third sex! Not so much. If you have ever been to a bar or club in a high traffic time, it is no doubt assumed you will see this scenario played out. Two bathrooms one with the stout standing man watching mournfully as he assumes the room he guards to be laid waste by the miss aim of drunken slobs. Men whom are at that very moment feverishly tweeting about the bombshell they just bumped into at their favorite haunt. All while handling their projectile pouring product of genetics. A lesson in multitasking that leaves them in and out in less than a few minutes.
With but a step away the Ladies lavatory. With the sworn protector of their realm clad in a knee knocking dress. Holding fast the door from a line of ladies dancing about determined to hold their consumption until allowed access to this sacred room. Each having just watched 3 girls run in prior to them. They know it will be at least 15 minutes before they are allowed access. Having to brave the chemical warfare of three sets of perfumes all sprayed in an attempt to mask the smells associated with gratuitous grinding and sweat flowing forth from any portion of a girl that was lucky enough not to be trapped beneath altogether too tight clothing. Fearing the ramifications of what lies behind that door after three girls had their way with that private sanctum.
Thus goes the night and as it draws nearer to the pentacle of purging, the danger rises. The urges are harder to repress and the seal once guarded, long sense broken demands attention. Sending many a wary and less bashful lady to the terrifying boys room. Carefully placing sheets of toilet paper around the lower bowl, the safety barrier lid having been removed for god knows what reason. They can only imagine it must have been tossed aside in haste to rid the privy of its only obstacle. They precariously hang over its dark depths, loathing the inability to use their own commode. While two girls stand guard in front turning men away with a look. She falters not in her resolve and beams knowing she beat the system.
A practice she need not have feared, had we only had a three room system. You see in catering to a ladies assumed group mentality; you could create a room with nothing more than a few sinks, and a mirror. Allowing for the group gab session over whom ever has most recently been hit on. Currying favor and the determined acceptance of their peers, to allow this man to pursue her further into the night or turn him away with a flip of their hair and seek new indulgences. Leaving the restroom for its soul duty. One's and Two's could be taken in haste with not a mirror in site. A room small enough that only one person could fit inside and thus making any talking session remain in the larger refreshing room. Now of course the girls may have a line to that room, but it is one based on a choice to wait and talk in secret. The bathroom would be freed for what it was meant for. If that was not enough I would take it one step further and post a sign on the opposing wall reminding girls that this is a room for dropping waste, not a room for wasting time. No tears to be shed in here, if you were turned down, no mirrors to adjust your running mascara. Just the determined decision to subside that flowing tide till you refilled the bladder depository.
Say good bye to the lines, to the waiting, to the insistent knock and scream of angered patrons demanding access. This would return some glimpse of sanity to the dark depths of the restroom. Why it may even bring about a utopia of urination for late nights. I tell you my friends this should not be overlooked as an option. Rise up bar owners and remodel.
#nerdsunite
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