#NerdsUnite: Confessions of a videogame journalist (Dating a Gamer)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy John. We started talking on the twitter not too long ago, and then he reached out and asked if he could write for us regarding his journey through the nerdy realm. I was all DUDDEEE!! That's so raaaddd!! And now, here we are. Like right now, in real time, this is happening. Pretty cool huh? HIT IT JOHN!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JohnSollitto
I’m going to talk about something I haven’t talked about since I’ve been writing for this site: relationships. I know, I know, everybody calm down. I’ve made it a point to keep my dating life and relationships out of the site just because I’m just not that comfortable putting it out there for everyone to see. I’m not saying anybody who does that is weird; it’s just not something I do. But today, I talk about a male gamer nerd’s perspective about something so ladies if you’re looking to date a male gamer nerd, take notes. Guys you should too because these things apply to female gamers nerds too.
Alright, so to start us off something you need to be comfortable with if dating a gamer is hearing about games. People don’t really realize this but when you date someone with a passion, be it music or sculpting or freaking canoe building; you better buckle up to hear a lot about it. So for gamers, you’re going to hear about games, characters, cutscenes, bad movie adaptations and gaming news. That’s just what’s going to happen; you have to come to peace with that. If you could care less about what is happening to Desmond Miles in the “Assassin’s Creed” series in the gaming world and you’re dating someone who won’t shut up about it? You either have to build up an appreciation for it, enough to tolerate hearing about good old Desmond, or just learn to tolerate it and let them have their fun. Chances are if you’re into sports or something and they aren’t, they have to do the same thing for you. If they won’t? They’re not worth your time. And if you don’t? You aren’t worth their time. That’s true for any relationship.
Now, socially, gamers come in different flavors. There’s your classic gamer shut-in who does nothing but stay inside and play games. The social gamer who plays online with other people and has some interpersonal communication skills. My favorite, the open gamer, who is capable of playing for four hours straight and then going out for drinks or a movie or dinner at the drop of a hat. And then casual gamer who plays games for a few hours but really doesn’t take it seriously and has it more as just a time waster. Of course there will be in-betweens and mixes of flavors but really those are your major types.
The shut-ins will take a lot of work on your part to get to open up because they enjoy being in their worlds more than this one. Sometimes I feel the same way with all the crap going on outside of my living room. If you’re okay with not seeing your significant other for hours at a time and or not doing a lot and not going out a whole bunch, you have found your winner. Just be warned that they may be complete opposites on the emotional spectrum when with you. They may not have had a lot of relationships in the past so they may be shy or cautious all the time, or extremely attached. It’s a crap-shoot so be prepared for that and know that you’ll have to work to get close to them at times. They can be extremely passionate about what they play too so if you engage them about their games you might have to sit through an hour long explanation before the conversation gets going as they gush about their favorite this or that.
The social gamer who is very big in online gaming is a fun one. These people will tend to have a lot of friends or people they play with online and play with them frequently. You’ll hear the terms “PvP,” multiplayer, raid, clan, and guild a lot. These are just their terms for what they’re doing tonight. By the way, “PvP” means “player vs. player.” Raids are missions they’ll do with their friends in their clan or guild. Get the gist? Okay, now these people are probably more social than the shut-ins and can communicate better, but they’ll probably be less interested in going out as much because all of their friends are online or not nearby. That is their social time. Don’t expect to meet their guild buddies at a bar for drinks, and often times you may have to schedule around their playtime. If that’s too much work for you, I don’t know what to tell you. Oh, and these people have the potential to be extremely competitive. Heads up for that. They may understands sports and competition more though so if you’re into that you may have some luck with a social gamer.
I like to think of myself as an open gamer. Some of the best days I’ve ever had were playing a game for hours and then getting up to go out to a bar with the Talk Nerdy crew or grab some dinner with my comic book friends. Open gamers tend to be very passionate about games, but also able to turn it on and off enough to do other things. They can be competitive like the social gamers, but more for the fun of playing with others than to be the best of the best of the best. They can also be just as passionate as the shut-ins too. These gamers also tend to play for long periods of time, but after that they’re good. It’s like recharging their batteries and getting their daily dose in before they do anything else. So for open gamers, know that you’ll have to let them have their time, but trust that they’ll go out later after they feel they’re done. They may have days where all they want to do is play. And then they may have days where they don’t play at all. It’s just a mood thing. Just talk with them and make sure you’re on the same wavelength about it and if it doesn’t bother you, then you’re set.
Casual gamers are everywhere and probably the best to date if you’re unfamiliar with gaming at all. These people are into gaming on a minimal level, maybe playing a couple of games here and there because they find them fun but are not overly invested in them. They can play for a half an hour while waiting for you to get ready but as soon as you are they’ll shut the system off and roll out. To them, gaming might be more of a hobby than a passion, and if you’re not sure dating a gamer is for you, then you’ll be okay with a casual gamer.
Yuuuuup. This happened.Now, what if they ask you to play with them? This is a big deal for some people as they don’t want to look stupid or are just not into it enough to even pick up a controller. If your partner asks you to play a game with them, watch them play or just be around them while they play it’s a good sign. What this really means is, “Hey, I want to share my passion with you and I’d like you to be a part of my time while I do this.” That’d be like someone saying, “Hey, wanna come with me to this basketball game?” They want you to be more a part of their life. Conversely, if they’re constantly playing games and ignoring you? That may be cause for concern. Don’t pressure them and be all like, “Why don’t you pay attention to me while you play?” Some people are just in the zone and don’t like to be distracted. What if someone came up and tried talking to you while you were painting or doing yoga? Wouldn’t that be distracting? But if they aren’t doing it because they’re in the zone and are doing it to avoid you, then you need to have a serious talk. If that’s their de-stressing time, then you may need to respect that. But if they are playing games to have time away from you…there might be a problem. Just classify the reason and make sure they’re still into you and it isn’t anything personal.
Alright, I think that about covers it. If you have more questions or you want me to expand on this at all or if there are general questions about gaming that people want answered, then you can tweet me or comment here and I’ll do my best to deliver for the next article. Live long and prosper and may the Force be with you my young Padawans.
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