#Fact: Once a week I have to read through very, very scary emails
I am oozing from my soul right now with ABSOLUTELY all of the things that I never wanted to talk about on this site.
I had various reasons and justifications for not talking about them ... but now I REALLY don't care!!! I'm clearly not happy so I'm digging through my psychological closet and RIPPING everything out as quickly as possible.
Running an online brand creates attention. Obviously, a lot of it is amazing and I'm again, EXTREMELY humbled to be doing what I get to do every day ... but outside of the 4 restraining orders that I have out right now, I have ENTIRE folders of filters that I've had to place on my emails from LEGIT crazy motherfuckers that email me MULTIPLE times a day.
In fact, one of them ALONE has over 2,485 emails to date.
I personally have to go through once a week and read what these people have written. I have to look at their punctuation, overall tone, even take note of the rapid succession of the emails (I've gotten hundreds at a time from certain stalkers.). I have to do all of this so I stay alert for when I actually do have to file a restraining order against some of these guys.
I have to disassociate Jen, the person, from Jen, the brand and read extremely extremely disturbing things about what they want to do to me sexually, how much they love me, and sometimes they will even throw in pictures or mention my friends and family.
I don't want to say how many of them in total that there are ... but I'm scared shitless of dealing with this EVERY.SINGLE.WEEK. (This also feeds into the seed money. For me to take this off the plate security costs about 2K per month. I'm sure I can talk them down a bit, but that was the quote I've gotten from two companies here in LA.) I'm PETRIFIED of it - but this is all part of my job.
This bleeds into my personal life as well as I'm always always always on "alert" and on the look out for some of these creepers.
They've almost all said they were going to come out to LA to marry me, but so far - I'm gratefeul that I have yet to be hogtied to the back of a truck and forced into a literal shotgun wedding.
Having already been stalked at 16, I will very literally die before I ever get to that state of complete incapacitation again ... but it's emotionally so HARROWING to deal with, and yet I never talk about it to anyone outside of my family because again, I'm so blessed and grateful to be able to even have this outlet in the first place.
I.
Hate.
This.
Part.
About.
Being.
A.
Brand.
Now, I don't want to compartmentalize it anymore ... I want to talk about how people in this world are FUCKING NUTS and this is all part of it.
It doesn't make me happy, but I've been dealing with it since I was a personality on LiveVideo all the way back in 2007.
Out of genuine fear for my safety I don't even want to publish some of the things that these men have written to me ... but it makes even ME blush.
It sucks. It's all a part of what I have to do ... and I dislike it.
Again, I created this lifestyle. I will own it 7,000% ... but FUCCCKKKK it sucks.
There, more honesty.
Take that! Hizzuah!
#nerdsunite
