Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Silverchair - Straight Lines

I'm in such a weird emotional state right now. I still don't know anything about my family member that ODed earlier this week, but I have to say that as much as it saddens me, I don't really care. This was this person's life choice. Period end of sentence. They've been this way for literally my entire life and then some - and there's nothing I can do about it. 

My primary focus right now is my immediate family and making sure that they are all okay through everything. Surprisingly everyone seems pretty apathetic. How sad is it that this person could literally be dead at any moment and not a SINGLE one of us is getting on a plane, or being by their side. What a total waste of a life. 

I don't understand the disease of addiction first hand, but after seeing so much of it growing up it genuinely makes me ponder how bad things could possibly be for someone to literally waste their entire life trying to numb the pain? I am CERTAIN that there are biological predispositions present as well, but at what point do you actually start to take responsibility for your own life and decide to take action? Life DEFINITELY requires coping skills - but how could someone so blindly just stop caring? Life is SO FREAKING ABUNDANT how does one's brain not even WANT to see that?? 

Again, I know I know I know this is a disease - TOTALLY get that ... but come on. BOTH of these relatives are all so freaking old, how do they STILL not get it?? 

It's also made me contemplate the true meaning of estrangement. I'm technically estranged from both sides of my extended family, yet even if this member does pass as much as I am psychologically detached from them there is still this sense of "sadness" for this role that they've played in your life. It's dissociative because it's not the person but rather this position that they held in your life in some regard. Again, whether they chose to fulfill said position is entirely up to them - but the "lack" is definitely there. 

That's pretty heavy if you think about it ... even by them not being in your life the fact that there is a DNA connection still elicts some sort of "bond."

Outside of my grandfather (who died in the most dramatic way ever), I have yet to lose someone that I have been estranged from. It's definitely alerted me to the fact that I'm certain I will be more upset than I think I will be when it actually happens.

Emotions are so strange because the tiniest little thing can just set you off on someone. You can sit there and think you are TOTALLY apathetic towards someone and some little ... something ... can come up in your memory and all of the sudden the waterworks begin. 

Fascinates me. 

Either way, thanks everyone for the love. Again, just doin what I do and keepin on truckin. I think I'm going to The Apparition premier tomorrow night for GoFobo. That'll be fun. The movie looks unbelievably stupid, but I dig the free popcorn and soda you usually get at those things!!! 

WINNING!! 

xoxo #nerdsunite

Oh yeah and ... 

Click the screenshot to comment on Facebook