#NerdsUnite: A change in the path is a test of strength

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

Here I am sitting at Starbucks again without a home. If you’ve read my last blog piece then you may be wondering what the hell happened. I woke up Monday with a smile on my face. I had found the perfect job. I was going to have the opportunity to work in a hostel where I could exchange work for a room, wifi and a shower. But alas the world would change my path once again.

The night prior I had spent what I thought would be my last night of homelessness on my friends couch. I went to bed and set my alarm. I had been asked to get there early so that I could lay my bag down in the room that I would be staying and find a place to situate my bike. When you move as much as I have over the last year and a half your stuff dwindles down with every relocation.  I have removed everything that I do not need and that I can’t carry with me so my life fits in a backpack.

As I entered Hollywood and approached the hostel my heart pounded as I heard backpackers speaking in their native language. I approached the converted Hollywood mansion and one after the next backpackers moved in and out, some leaving for the day’s adventure, some leaving for the next city, and some headed home. I smiled from ear to ear as I imagined leading these amazing explorers on adventures around my city and being around the backpacker energy every day.

I entered the hostel, set my stuff down and found the girl who was going to be training me.  We talked for a minute and then I asked where I could get a drink of water. She directed me to the local grocery store that was just around the corner. I walked around to what would be my grocery store to get familiar with the layout and scope the deals. I was pleased to see that the bananas were really cheap so I purchased a gallon of water and two bananas and headed back to the hostel.

I entered and sat in the lobby. I looked towards the front desk and made eye contact with my trainer. She quickly broke eye contact and in a rushed whisper looked at the manager and said,

 “Hey, Eric’s here”. I knew something was wrong and my heart fell just a little.

The manager then said, “Eric, did you get a text from the owner?”

I had received a text from the owner the night before so I thought that this was what she was referring to and replied that I had received the text. I sat there for another couple minutes and then I checked my phone as I habitually do and there was another text. I had received it while I was in the grocery store ten minutes before I was scheduled to start training. Here is what it said.

My heart fell to the floor. I buried my face in my shoulder and tried to hold back the tears. It had been about five minutes now since the manager had addressed the infamous text. As uncomfortable as I was sitting there basking in the awkwardness I couldn’t move. I continued to try and muster the strength to leave the lobby but I was devastated. I didn’t know how to exit at this point but I needed to get out. I managed to grab my bag and my bike and make it out the front door. I had no idea where the fuck I was supposed to go, where I was going to sleep, what I was going to do for work. I stopped at the steps directly outside of the door and the tears started to flow. More travelers moved in and out of the door and as they looked at me I knew how palpable my sadness was by their reaction to seeing my face.

 As I sat there I thought about my next move. I knew that I was going to have to get off those steps and do something but I had no idea what that thing was. I scrolled through my phone and looked at the names in my contact list. I imagined the types of reactions that I would get. Some would console, some would empathize, some would sympathize, but none of those reactions would get me moving again. I needed solutions because I was too emotional to think clearly.

I came across Jen’s number and sent her a copy of the text. Without saying sorry or asking more about the situation she told me exactly what I needed to hear.

“Go find other hostels, spend your day going from door to door asking for a work exchange. This isn’t going to stop you – it’s just taking you down a different path.”

I had to let go and move on. There was nothing that I could do except to start moving towards the next opportunity so I did. I stopped crying and put my backpack on. I grabbed my bike and got on my phone to search for other hostels and for the next 6 hours I traveled around Hollywood, Santa Monica and Venice but the day had not proven fortuitous.

It’s now the next day and I have one lead in Venice that I’ll continue to follow up with. I have no idea what the future is going to hold for me but I’ve been repeating this quote in my head when everything seems insurmountable.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it is the little voice inside your head that says ‘I will try again tomorrow.”

Thank you to the reader that sent this to me, it is keeping me going right now. Who knows what’s going to happen with my life but I am unwilling to give up. I can’t, I have already come too far to turn back now and I feel strength in the support that I have received from this community. So I am going to throw something out to the universe. If you’re reading this, your social life is lacking and you have a couch then reach out to me and let’s do an exchange. I am in Los Angeles but you don’t need to be. My social dynamics course has already changed the lives of everyone who’s participated. You’ll meet more amazing people then you ever have, meet more amazing women and lead a more meaningful life. I promise that you’ll be a better version or the different version of yourself you’ve wanted to see by the time that I leave.

This is my reality, my adventure and my path and I must stay present and manifest something great. I must continue to change lives because I feel it’s my purpose. Although I’m scared and unsure of the future I am just going to try again today and then tomorrow and then the next day. Thanks for reading and for your continued support I don’t know that I could keep going without you.

#thatisall

If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com

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