#NerdsUnite: Dating & The Double Edged Sword

I'm in a really really really interesting position right now with Antonio - one that I can't say I don't think I've ever been in but is I feel like something a lot of people can relate to. Where is the happy medium between being an ice queen and from wearing your heart on your sleeve? 

I preach transparency, and preach how freeing it is - yet I'm still emotionally an EXTREMELY guarded person. Through my work with the modern day shaman, and my own journey in speaking my personal truth (DIY domme anyone? anyone?) I have definitely had an EXTREMELY eye opening couple of years. The biggest roadblock I've kept hitting however is the same transparent medium that set me free has also given me a rather large platform and has made me a target for men. Guys have told me over and over that they want to be a story, they want to be a "character." The only problem with that is that these are my REAL emotions and yes, while I am a lifecaster and a storyteller this is still my REAL life!!! I've then set up a series of boundaries in not documenting my dating in real time - but then someone like Antonio comes into my life and screws all that up again. 

This guy was head. over. heels. when we first met!! He was literally on his knees saying I need to know you!!! I had an incredible first few days with him in Vegas, but it wasn't until this past weekend in meeting his co-workers and friends that everything clicked - holy shit, this one is different!! The amount of RESPECT that everyone has for him, and TRUE adoration is off the charts. His friends weren't at all blowing smoke up my ass either, I have a bullshit meter like no other. Things are obviously happening incredibly fast with him (mostly due to the fact that all of our dates have lasted for a few days) but for the first time I'm pretty cool with that. I KNOW so through and through that this is just who he is and to deny this pace would be denying a piece of him. (He's older than me, already established in life, knows what he wants and has NO problem in going after that. Had I not as well done all of my own soul searching there's no doubt the attention would have been jarring and not endearing.) 

I meditated on this a lot this morning and the answer that just kept coming to me over and over was that I had to not care and I had to just let it all be. If this does turn into a whirlwind romance, or even if it all blows up in my face - so what!! My job in this experience is to not deny my true feelings and articulate them completely independent of a projected outcome. 

I genuinely cannot imagine anything scarier to be honest, but so what. If I stay in the present moment with Antonio I am having the TIME.OF.MY.LIFE. If it happens for a few more dates, or for a lifetime - who cares! I have to focus on living in the now and remaining as open and honest with him as I possibly can as we both explore each other. 

All of this of COURSE sounds so much easier said than done ... but in 100 years we're all still dead anyway, so does it really matter?? 

#thatisall

click the above screenshot to comment on Facebook