#HowTo: Deal with online creepers/stalkers

I've been asked a lot recently in interviews about how I handle the online creepers/ stalkers. I normally completely shut down and give out a stink eye since I haven't ever wanted to publicly talk about it - however after a meeting with a twitter bud last night I realized it's something a lot of us experience and maybe if I can work up enough of my own personal strength in talking about it, it will help more of you. 

::deep breath:: whew, don't want to talk about this. 

First, a bit of history ... 

So, when I was 16 two of my former best friends and two very good friends began stalking me. (I was actually the first person in CT history to get a restraining order in a non-sexual relationship.) Being stalked as a teen was hands down one of the worst life experiences I have ever had. The torment, the psychological torture, the embarrassment - it wasn't even just something I experienced it was something that my entire family had to endure. 

These girls were absolutely absolutely absolutely going to kill me. There was NO doubt in my mind. Kids in Connecticut have access to two things - drugs and money. (One of the girl's brothers too was a fairly accomplished criminal even as a teen, so the entire thing wasn't looking good.) 

In 2002 I left Connecticut to head to NYC followed by moving out to LA in 2004. I haven't lived in CT since I was stalked, and decided not to go back until last year when I had to film a TV show for Comcast. 

Moving out to LA certainly provided enough of a buffer (as my stalkers were all still in CT at the time), however an experience like that changes you. I would always look over my shoulder (even in LA), and was HYPER conscious of my address getting out. 

That's me in the upper right hand corner as "photoJeNic"Flash foward to 2007 and I started to work for one of the founders of Myspace on his start up LiveVideo. I was a plant on the site and did a live show a few times every week from my apartment in addition to taking a netbook, usb cam, and air card in the field to have some adventures. It was GREAT however, I was super super super cautious about giving my address out, or even my exact location. 

That fear stayed with me throughout all of my LiveVideo experiences, and somewhere right around the time I launched this site I finally snapped. I had recently started using the location based social media site Foursquare and realized all of my fears were just false events appearing real. Here I was BROADCASTING my EXACT gps to all of the internet and alas, no one shows up?? 

Albeit my following online at the time was next to nothing - but here I was being so honest and so truthful with my whereabouts and for the first time in my life, nothing happened. 

My stalkers as a teen were ALWAYS able to find me - but again, BROADCASTING MY EXACT GPS LOCATION LEAD TO NOTHING???

What the hell?!?!?! 

I then realized I needed to change my perspective and after almost three years later I have come to the following conclusions ... 

1) Transparency is freeing. 

I am the. most. transparent. person. on. the. internet. Period end of sentence. You can find out where I am via Foursquare, chat with me in real time on twitter, or even scroll through my life in pictures on Facebook. I am transparent not for narcissistic purposes, but rather for self expression and self exploration. Every status update or post is a mini time-stamp of who I am and what I was thinking at the time.

By no longer being afraid to say, here I am!! Come say hi!! Not only do I NEVER get bothered by creepers, but I've come to learn that it makes me the worst stalking victim ever. Stalking is psychological (more on that in a second). Stalkers WANT to taunt you, they WANT to torment you, the second you're inviting them to come hang out and grab a beer they get bored and want nothing to do with you. 

2) Stalking is psychological. 

If someone is going to get you, someone is ABSOLUTELY going to get you. I can't stop someone from getting a gun and killing me - I can only stay as present and aware as possible and keep on living my life and owning my awesome. Random things will happen all of the time (like getting hit in the head with the brick). I can't stop those things from happening, I can only live my life and live every day to the fullest. If I had died on the night of Jan. 26, 2012 it would have obviously been very sad, but so what! I didn't change a DAMN THING about my life and I think that says something about my bliss and my ability to not let the fear overcome me again.

Looking back now I'm not sure if those girls ever would have actually killed me, but they so THOROUGHLY wanted me to believe that. By me being so afraid, however, they were already winning. I allowed myself to be victimized in that situation and said victimization lead me down a path of extreme depression and that didn't go away for almost a decade. 

What do I do now with stalkers/ online creepers? 

A series of things. 

1. I became prepared. 

First time shooting and this is my actual scorecardI know how to throw a punch, take a punch, fire a gun, and wield a knife. Sure, I had a lot of extreme life experiences as a kid but all it taught me was that the human spirit has an ENORMOUS will to fight. When I was in the hospital after the brick incident, I read on my medical record that it said I had "mild anxiety." 

Mild. Anxiety. 

After getting hit in the head from behind with a motherfucking brick, the doctors only called my anxiety mild. 

I was obviously extremely scared (especially since I had no idea what I got hit with), but my will to live was SO STRONG that my body was FILLED with adrenaline and no matter WHAT I was going to do whatever it took to survive. 

I implore you all to take a self defense class, learn the basics on how to operate and fire a gun (to do this you can go to a shooting range), and even arm yourself with pepper spray. By being prepared you will understand how to stay calm in a potentially life threatening situation which may or may not be the difference in your survival if a stalker or creeper does decide to come after you. 

2. Read this book ... 

During the summer of last year I picked up a super creepy stalker. He's not the kind of stalker that has entered restraining order level yet - however, with over 3K emails in a matter of months it was something that I had to deal with. 

I called my brand management (who deals with celeb stalkers) and they connected me with Gavin's people. While his firm currently wasn't accepting anymore clients they did send me his book even highlighted with chapters I needed to read immediately; they were chapters 8 and 13. 

I do not currently have a structured security team, but if things do get to that level for any of you, it will cost about 2K per month. (They are kept on retainers.) Having not had to have them yet, I'm not entirely sure what their bill does cover, however I know they help you filter through emails and they scan IP addresses. To the best of my knowledge, these team of experts have a list of IPs with online personalities that are stalked all the time. To be on that list is a good thing, it just means you're a random personality that got picked by one of these whackadoodle noodles; to not be on the list means that this is personal and the threat is more severe. 

3. Download Ustream to your smartphone. 

Ustream is an app that provides a live video feed from your cell phone. You can INSTANTLY go live to anyone online (the feed is even able to be tweeted out and archived) and should you be in a sticky situation make sure you IMMEDIATELY go live saying this is a visual of the person and this is an emergency. Ustream (in certain cities) can sometimes be faster than 911 and also again provide an archived feed of what happened. (Also make sure you do dial 911 when you have escaped harms way. Ustream should NOT be a replacement for that emergency number.)

4. Create a filter on your email. 

I have an entire folder devoted to my "stalker" emails. These are people that I haven't yet taken a restraining order out on, but I need to keep an eye on. By creating the filter it doesn't affect my daily life, and I only have to once a week scroll through the emails to make sure things haven't elevated. Having this filter will keep you calm and again, not disrupt your daily life. 

5. Report them. 

Should your creeper or stalker be using social media sites to come after you REPORT THEM!!! Online harassment is a violation of social media's TOS (terms of service) and a blatant violation across all platforms. 

Bottom line: You have to really empower yourself and not let people like this stop you from living your life. The SECOND that they do, they have won. 

Having any sort of online creeper/ stalker means you're only doing something right in life. Keep your phone charged, keep your brain calm, and body prepared. Don't let them win nerderinos!! 

#rockon