#NerdsUnite: The Break-Up
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
There is no easy way to end a relationship with someone you care about. Someone usually gets hurt and the other usually feels a new sense of freedom. I have ended a few in my life, but usually my girlfriends, after dealing with my bullshit for so long, would finally just end it for me. For the most part, there are easier ways to deal with a breakup.
Perhaps if you would have kept your social circle, you would not have been dumped in the first place. Guys, try to keep in touch with your friends. When you ditch them for your new girlfriend, they will remember that. The minute you have devoted your entire life to your girlfriend is the minute you are swimming at sea. If and when the relationship fails, who is going to be there to get you hammered? Who is going to be there to help you make a fool of yourself while chasing new girls around?
Some guys will get a girlfriend and all of a sudden, they put on this holier than thou attitude and begin to blow their friends off. Yeah I know, your girlfriend thought they were immature, right? Well I have news for you. They are. They are your friends. They make up a part of your world that she is becoming a part of. If you think chasing women with your friends has to end when you have found your special sweetheart, you don’t! You can be the ultimate wing man for your buddies. You never know what is going to happen in your relationship so don’t write-off your boys.
If you were the one who was dumped, you will need to wash all existence of her off of your mind. Drop all contact with the ex. You can’t call her. You can’t ride past her house to see what she’s doing. Go ahead and get her off your twitter, facebook, etc. You will always have the urge to see what her status is or her latest stream of tweets, and you will justify it by saying that you are worried about her. Fool, she is moving on and you need to as well. One look at a status update about her recent date or visit from an old friend, and it is meltdown city.
You might have to visit some new bars or hangouts for a while. You don’t want to run into her on her night out with friends, blowing off steam and making out with random dudes. This will cause you to do something stupid. Trust me, I know. What you will rationalize is that you are an adult and you can handle it. “It’s totally cool.” What you will end up doing is about 14 shots of tequila to show how cool about it you are. All the while, you are puking your guts out in the restroom and she is crying about how much she is sorry. Sound fun?
The best thing that I can say to do is to channel that anger and energy into yourself. Get yourself back to the gym, buy some new clothes and try and sink into a new hobby for a while. You might just find yourself doing some things you never had the chance to do before and you might learn something new. The best part is, if you disappear for a while, she could think you are doing better than she is and will begin to want you back. If you succeed in moving forward, you might not want to have her back in your life so fast.
If you are the dumper, I recommend being honest with both yourself and her about why you are doing this and letting her know that you do care for her. Make sure that breaking up is truly what you want because if you are the one crawling back in two weeks, you are going to be one miserable man. She will own you and make it very tough on you. The message you could be sending is, “I felt I could do a lot better than you, but now that I was out there, I saw that I couldn’t and I am settling for you.” This is something no one wants to feel.
#nerdsunite
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.