#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick (am I worthy?)
Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.
#nowplaying: Under your spell - Desire
I have to admit something to you peoples ... I am scared right now. Painfully painfully scared.
See, I've been dating this guy for - wow, a month and a half - and I'm pretty into him. He's the duderino who dialed the wrong number yet continued to text me for like the next month until I agreed to meet with him.
<tangent> We obviously met at a bar at some point, but he never called me. I genuinely never ever give out my number (less for privacy issues and more because I LOATHE talking on the phone to anyone outside of my family or business calls. I never ever talk to people on the phone - and even exchanging long texts can annoy me. It's terribly inefficient and discussing mundane details of one's existence does nothing for me. If you ever want to get a-hold of me you really do have to just use social media. </tangent>
This guy is fucking incredible. He's so sweet, so romantic, always knows what to say and when to say it ... and he's the reason why I put my foot down with Romeo and told him I couldn't speak to him again. It's bullshit and I'm ready for more intimate relationships in my life and before I could proceed I had to remove all parasitic entities.
We've been dating now for a bit, and slowly but surely I've stopped dating other people. I'll go out on dates to not get "too into him" but I haven't made it past the second date with anyone for months.
I'm really scared. It freaks me out when I start to like a guy like this because I feel like every time I let my guard down I get hurt. To move past this stage in my life though I have to let said guard down and it's just a horribly uncomfortable place to be in.
::Mom and Dad ... stop reading here::
Dudes, this guy and I haven't even had sex yet. True story! He's again, extremely romantic, and wants to make a big night of everything.
I can say though, if his da dum da dum is anything like the magic he can work with his fingers ... I am in for quite the treat.
=) Mama likes.
This whole situation though is making me really grouchy. I don't understand how people allow themselves to fall for people when there are FAR too many variables that come into play.
Will we really like each other after the courting stage?
Am I girlfriend material?
Is HE boyfriend material?
Sexually speaking are we going to be compatible?
Does he really know what he's getting into dating a lifecaster?
Would his family like me?
Would my family like him?
This is actually the first guy that I've ever dated that I could genuinely see as being a partner. He's uber successful in business, extremely loving, HELLA smart (he auditioned for jeopardy), climbs mountains in his spare time, and walks me to my door. Oh yeah, and did I mention he's gorgeous and I can't remember a time I've been so attracted to someone?!!?!
I mean ... come on ... I'd be an IDIOT to let this one go, but who's to say he won't let me go?
He doesn't read the site, he calls it "cheating" - but I'm scared ... I'm so so scared.
This weekend he's planning our "big date" and I get so fucking awkward in situations like that. He even gave me a flower one night and I just stared at the thing wondering uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, now what?
I said thank you, of course, but I freeze up in situations like that. I'm used to dating assholes because clearly there was something inside of me that tolerated being treated in that manner. Now that I've had a lot of spiritual cleansing with a Modern Day Shaman I've certainly attracted new energy, but what the fuck am I supposed to do with it?
Do I REALLY feel worthy enough to date a romantic?
AM I worthy enough?
Fuck, I'm scared to find out.
Wish me luck ...