#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick (breaking sexual freedom down into doable actions - follow up)
It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.
Here is a follow up email to a question from earlier this week ...
Wow, first off, I am so impressed you sent all of that from an iPad. Well done!
Secondly, thank you re: Romeo, but I LITERALLY cannot stress this enough ... that for the first time in YEARS, I feel amazing. It was a tough conversation to have, but our relationship was parasitic. I should have cut things off a while ago, but we were so connected energetically that the universe would NOT stop throwing us in each other's face. I am elated that I also got to cross off my only regret in life (which was coming back to LA for someone other than him 3 years ago). Had I not dated the mentalist, I wouldn't have this brand ... and who knows if I would have been able to tolerate Romeo and his douchieness. Score one for me!!
I'm genuinely SUPER FREAKING EXCITED because I knowwwwwwwwwwww goodness is around the corner - I can literally feel it, and now I finally get that I am worthy of it. WHOOP WHOOP!!
Your friend said it is trashy? What having threesomes and exploring your sexuality?? WHHAAATT?? Lame pants. Find new friends. Sexual exploration is liberating and another expression of your true self. How could that ever be wrong or "trashy?" Remove the shaming. Women have the right to own their sexuality just as much as men can. Period end of sentence.
I am saying that in my personal experience the sexuality came second. I first did a complete life overhaul, but you're right - maybe this will be easier for you to break down into doable actions for those less willing to just give up everything they own and see where the wind takes them. Maybe others will find it easier to first start exploring things through their sexuality and work their way out. Thank you for that realization.
You're entering into this scenario with a seriously sensitive heart having been cheated on. I have found that in threesomes being the "guest star" that there really isn't chemistry as much with the guy as there is with the female. Threesomes are about the chicks wanting each other more than anything, and in all of the cases I've been in it is the female that mostly takes the lead.
So, in that regard, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing - but the fact that these thoughts are entering into your head in the first place though is a MAJOR red flag. Have you been to a therapist or worked with a shaman at all to get through some of the issues from the divorce? Being cheated on is so heartbreaking as a female. I remember with the mentalist (who in all fairness didn't even technically cheat but in my mind we were in a relationship) it literally took me months before I could even masturbate again.
MONTHS!!
I have a really high sex drive so for me to go even a few days is extremely uncommon. There are a lot of different layers regarding being able to move on from something like that. I just want to make sure you're at a good enough place to even explore, ya know?
I would suggest just going to check out some sex clubs in your area. You can pop on FetLife.com to check out some meetups, or even just google it. I've been to a bunch all around the country and while I've never participated it definitely made me more comfortable seeing what people were doing and sort of exploring from the voyeuristic approach to see if it was something I was interested in.
As far as your personal truth and voice are concerned, babe, you can't be so hard on yourself. I've been doing this morning. noon. and night. for 2.5 years and I still feel as confused as ever. Try keeping a journal or even starting an anonymous tumblr for yourself so you can track the growth. Obviously reading my old posts made a HUGGEEE difference in me being able to see how I am expressing myself - but this is life, it's a journey not a destination. Start doing things that FEEL GOOD strictly because it FEELS GOOD and watch your vibration and people around you change. You can't be hard on yourself though in the process, you need to practice EXTREME self love and positive affirmations. Print out a few and even tape them to a mirror and say them over and over and over in the morning until you GENUINELY start to believe it.
I have above my desk "work what you got," since I understand at any given moment my only job in life is to play the BEST hand that I have. Whatever life has dealt me my only job is to know when to swap cards around and never ever fold.
So, let's recap since this is a lot ...
1) For sexual purposes start exploring sex clubs to check out the scene and see what makes you comfortable. I've seen some really really really gnarly things at these clubs, and while I've never participated it definitely opened my eyes.
2) Before anything else consider working with a shaman (or an energy healer) and seeing a therapist to process out any lingering issues from the ex. This will help alleviate any of the potential jealousy or insecurity that may arise in group sex.
3) Post positive affirmations on a mirror and say them every morning until you actually start to believe them. This will help boost your self confidence WHICH will make you feel sexier WHICH is your ultimate end goal anyway, right??
Rock on chickadee! And thank you so so so much for the honesty.
Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com
ORRRRR you can message me on Facebook and if it's within 140 characters on the twitter!
Best of luck out there nerds!!
xoxo <3 @JenFriel
PS. If you're ever in LA can we make out? Your google plus pic is friggen adorable. K bye ...