Fun with @MirrorReviews: The youngin with the sad eyes
So, last week in my latest dating experiment I went out with a super young dude - like crazy young. (I am taking my 103 dates in 9 months and the fact that I have still averaged at least two dates a week for the past year after the social experiment, and turning it into helping nerdy dudes get the girl by taking them out on a mock date and breaking shit down for them.)
Hold on ... here's the song that goes with the post ...
It's really interesting how much growth a person experiences over the age of 25. I'm definitely not in the norm in this town of eternal youth that GENUINELY means when I say, I can't friggen WAIT to keep getting older. The more that I walk outside of my own comfort zone, the more shifts in consciousness I am experiencing - and the more FUN life has really become. It's kinda gnarly.
Either way, that's just my jam ... but what I'm doing right now is figuring out how to articulate said knowledge to people. Being a teacher means you have to clearly and simply explain something to someone. When it comes to dating, there is so much projection and like energy attracting - it can be hard. I have to make sure that I am 100% removing my own personal judgements and just consistently calling a spade a spade with what I see with these dudes.
I knew my date this week for about the last year. I think we met initally because of OKC and while we never dated, he did invite me to a Christmas party once and has attended a handful of TNTML related events. Super super super great guy, but I could have told you right off the bat he had some gnarly shit going on.
I've never in all my life seen someone with such sad eyes.
Lemme break that down a bit for you ...
You know when it comes to Mr. & Mrs. Smith I've said over and over how GENUINELY happy they look?
In ALL of their pics, their eyes, their smile - they just radiate happiness, love, and satisfaction. It's literally one of the most inspiring things ever and why I just hung out again with them last week.
Whether we realize it or not, we are always always always sharing more of our "truth" than we are ever willing to let on in social media.
I sit on this shit all fucking day - I read the passive aggressive tweets, I see the pics pop up in my newsfeed .. I've been absorbing it all for the last 5 years morning, noon, and night - and it freaks me how how transparent social media makes us all. It's never WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. It's not WHAT you look like but the EXPRESSION that appears in your eyes. You can tell, like in the case with the Smiths, that they are SO FRIGGEN HAPPY because their eyes, and smiles in their photos reflect that.
In this dude's case, however, I can't recall a time I've ever seen someone with such sad eyes.
Lemme personalize this concept of sad eyes a bit more ...
Here I am a few days after I lost everything I owned in a massive cockroach infestation. I used to always take pictures of myself before going out and post them on myspace. ::cough cough I was that girl cough cough::
Not only am I wearing Ed Fucking Hardy in this picture, but I look so lost, so vacant. I had LITERALLY just lost everything I owned and had never felt more confused in my life ... but here I am posting this picture on my Myspace page because I totes thought it looked good.
Yes, I think I look commercially speaking attractive in this picture but I am wearing my emotions SO FREAKING MUCH on my face in this photo that it is genuinely upsetting me right now to see.
Now take that, which again was at a very difficult moment in my life, and compare it to this photo which was taken in June of last year ...
Big diff, right? Look at my expression in both pics.
And I'm still working on my own shit with a Shaman, no one is perfect, but NIGHT AND FREAKING DAY expression wise.
I knew going in this one wasn't going to be easy, but I was fascinated either way to learn.
So, tell me about your past dating history, I asked as we sat down and grabbed a beer.
Um ... well, I recently just dated someone for a few months - but I mean that was basically it.
Tell me about her!
He then told me this story on how he met this girl on the side of the road because he thought her car was broken down, and since it was SUPER late, and he just wanted to make sure everyone was okay.
::ahhhh the knight in shining armor::
He then explains to me that she was on a date with this dude, but he got super wasted, so he basically propped the wasted dude back in the car and helped this chick get him back home.
(weird, right? But stay with me ...)
The wasted dude gets back to her place safe, but because it was so late, my dude decided to stay overnight. And when I say stay overnight, I mean come morning they were both making out while the wasted dude showered.
Freaking NUTS!
It's a great story ... but FREAKING NUTS!!!
First off, what chick even ALLOWS any of that to go down? If I had a problem like that I totally would have just called a friend and asked for help. I'd never ... EVER accept help like that at the side of the road, late at night ... and then LET THE GUY FREAKING STAY AT MY PLACE WITH THE WASTED DUDE THAT APPARENTLY I AM DATING AND HOOK UP WITH THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR!!
Then what happened with the relationship after ...
We dated for a bit, but then she told me she loved me almost right away, and she had all of these crazy things going on with her personally. We were only together for a few months.
What about anyone else?
That was basically it, he said.
Can I ask how old you are?
23, he replied.
AHHHH this makes sense. You're barely even out the gate.
What about relationships in school?
None, he replied.
How did you lose your virginity?
To someone I didn't even care about, he replied. I just wanted to get it done with. (Oh child, I can relate. My virginity was a burden.)
He then begins to tell me about his home life growing up; he had experienced a lot of really horrible physical abuse.
I'm really sorry I say, that makes me so angry because children are SO FREAKING PRECIOUS. Have you been to therapy for what you went through?
Yeah, my entire life.
Do you think it has helped?
I don't know.
Well, tell me about your current living situations.
I'm still living at home.
Wait, WHAT?! I say
Yeah, I'm saving up money since I'm still in school.
Now mind you, when we first sat down one of the FIRST things he said to me was how he was making good money and was so grateful for his job. WHYYYYY is someone like that still living at home? And ESPECIALLY since he was abused as a child.
This makes no sense to me, I say. Why would you still be in an environment like that for one, and two, how can you ever get a girl if you can't bring her back to your place? Dude, when I first moved out here I paid $400 for a room that I shared with a LOT of people, and still managed to get my shit together. It's all step by step - your first few steps will NEVER be comfortable, but that's what gives you maturity, that's how you grow. I LOVED eating ramen every day because I was eating ramen IN FREAKING LOS ANGELES!!!! You have to have to have to go through things like that. It will build your character.
He nods. Maybe I'm just afraid.
Of COURSE you're afraid, I say. I was scared shitless too!! I just happened to have a corporate lawyer for a father who reminded me MULTIPLE times growing up, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!?!? My parents knew how depressed I was growing up and knew how scared I was - so they always always always put me in check. (thank you mom and dad) Depression is a super funky thing, you never know you're experiencing it when you're in it because it's this dark hole - you have no light to act as a frame of reference. Fear and anxiety debilitate you, let alone the hormonal imbalance in general from depression ... its messy. Your job now though is to walk towards the fear and walk towards things that make you feel uncomfortable. THAT is how you grow and THAT is how you will welcome healthier relationships into your life.
Thank you, he said. You're right, I know you're right - it's just all very hard to hear.
I then gave him a hug and explained to him that I am 4 years his senior - 4 VERY important years. You also have to be gentle on yourself, and be PROUD of the fact that this is the first day of the rest of your life!! It's going to be scary, it's going to create more and more anxiety, but we're all dead in 100 years anyway. Might as well go out with a bang, right?
He laughed. And thanked me for my time.
And now for his dateAbility on Mirror.net:
If Sad Eyes takes that first step getting out of his parents house, and explores the world more, I GUARANTTEEEEE you his eyes will start to look less sad. Albeit, yes, he clearly has a shit ton of self work to do - but he's so young! He has time!! It's all one foot in front of the other, and step one is getting out of the parental unit's place.
Rock on dude!! Thanks again for putting yourself out there like this! Please please please keep me posted!!
#thatisall
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OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh
Do you live in LA and would you like to go out on a date to be reviewed? Hit me up!! JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c. I wanna hear from you!! xoxo
Here is Sad Eyes' response to the post:
That warmed my soul!!! BAHH!!
