#NerdsUnite: With love from Lillian & her food allergies
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Lillian. She and I met at SXSW this year where she gave me this EPIC STRAW COWBOY HAT!!! I swear, I heart it so much it hurts. Either way, Lillian is a big food nerd with oodles and oodles of food allergies. She's here to talk about her life, love, and all things through her two sometimes four eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LILLIAN!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @lilstestkitchen
A friend of mine just got tested for food allergies and found out all at once that he’s allergic to something like 12 different foods. He's allergic to more things than I am (which is intense. I’m allergic to 4 basic staples in the US diet: Gluten/grains, dairy, cane sugar, and soy and that's been challenging enough). He called me in a panic last week asking me what he should do now. He was on his way into Boston, was feeling peckish, and couldn’t figure out what he could eat. I looked over his tests, directed him to a restaurant and told him that I also have a few recipes I’ve made on my show, Lillian’s Test Kitchen, that should work for him.
And he said: “Yeah... You know that skill, where you take recipes and turn them into food? I don’t have that.” It took all my self control in that moment to not just blurt out: “Well then you’re going to STARVE.”
Because that’s the reality when you have a ton of food allergies. You just can’t eat out the way you used to unless you want to get sick all the time. You can’t even eat the way you used to. Your whole life changes in that moment. If you want to feel good and be healthy but you also don’t want things to be different. You want them to be the same. You want to be able to just go out to eat with your friends. Let them pick the place and just show up. Share an appetizer. Get a beer. Try some of your friend’s dish. Order something because it sounds interesting and not worry about what's in it. Let them taste a bit of your food without worrying about the what their fork has touched on their plate. Eat some bread from the bread basket. You want to be able to be casual and normal around food. You don’t want to be wracked with anxiety watching everyone’s fork and piece of bread to make sure that they don’t come near your plate. It’s exhausting. And you can get angry about it. I did for a while. But it won’t do you any good. In fact, it’ll just make your life harder.
My friend with all the new allergies is a vegan, but he said that that’s too hard now, at least now while he’s adjusting to all of this. Maybe he’ll be able to be a vegetarian, but if he doesn’t learn how to cook for himself, that’ll be almost impossible in a sustainable, stay healthy kind of way. So unless he develops that skill where you take a recipe and turn it into food, he’s in some serious trouble.
But I didn’t say that to him. I bit my tongue. I murmured something supportive, told him that I'm here for him, and gave him a list of questions to ask servers (what kind of oil do they cook with, if there’s something fried, is there a designated fryer? Don’t trust condiments, sauces or salad dressing) told him that the manager or the chef will probably come over to talk to him, but to still double check his food when it comes to the table, just in case something gets into it that it shouldn’t be there. I told him that he can call me anytime if he needs some guidance or help, because I remember what it was like finding out that I couldn’t eat the foods I had grown up eating. It was terrifying and disorienting. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried in public when a waiter brought me yet another salad with cheese and croutons in it. Or when everything on the menu, even the vegetables, were breaded, deep fried, smothered in melted cheese, and I’m starving.
If I had been smart and finished the elimination diet test when everything started, I also would have found out all of my allergies at once. But I’m telling you, that if it had gone down like that for me, I would have crawled into a fetal position and cried. For a long, long time. So I feel a lot of compassion for him, for what he’s going through right now.
As it was, it was still a really, really difficult transition. These allergens are sneaky and seem to be hidden everywhere. In vinegar (gluten and sometimes sugar), soy sauce (soy obviously, but also gluten), in almost every single processed food ever (all of them).The list goes on and on. And I’m still finding new places where they are hiding. But emotionally there was a lot going on as well. For starters, I was mourning the loss of the comfort foods that I had grown up with which is a painful process in and of itself.
And I was saying goodbye to a certain kind of freedom. The freedom to not worry about it. I was saying goodbye to the certainty that I would be able to eat somewhere without planning it all out, researching the place and calling ahead of time. That freedom to pick up and go. Now, every trip starts with me packing and planning at least a few days ahead. Because I need to make food for the flight, and maybe something extra for my meals once I get there.
When I was in Austin for SXSW this year I went the first 36 hours without eating a real meal because I hadn’t gotten it together to research any restaurants. It was my own stupid fault. I should have just freakin’ googled it. But I was overwhelmed by being there and couldn’t get it together.
But having to worry about food and my food allergies; with consequences that are so serious, that if the meal doesn’t go correctly, I will be sick for up to 2 weeks, has forced me to learn how to take care of myself in a much more proactive way. I can't afford to be a pushover anymore because I always have to make sure that I am taken care of. For me, there just isn't any other option. And that means that I worry less about the other stuff. I worry less about being an inconvenience and maybe even a little annoying. Because yes, of course I'm going to drive the server at the restaurant crazy asking questions and “just checking again” and “I’m sorry, but I just want to make sure...” But I’ve had too much experience at this point getting poisoned to care. I mean, I’m polite about it, but I’m not going to put myself in a difficult or dangerous position anymore just because it’s inconvenient to do anything else. In a way, it’s wildly liberating. I almost think that having food allergies should be a feminist class that everyone is are forced to take in middle school. Maybe it could be called: “My needs are valid, fuck off.” Or something cooler. I’m not sure, the name is a work in progress.
Having food allergies has taught me and is still teaching me how to take care of myself. It’s an great/tedious/helpful/character building exercise in thinking through my own needs. I’m forced to really think through the day every day: “what I want to do? I’m going to get hungry, how and where am I going to get something safe (and delicious) to eat?” I mean, the truth is that I would love to be cool and let the night take me where it will, fly by the seat of my pants, and end up in unknown and fantastic places (much like Jen Friel does, like, all the time). And that is possible for me, I mean, I like the fantastic unknown as much as the next girl, but you better believe I will have planned ahead and have at least part of an irish soda bread in my purse.
LOVElillian