Fun with @MirrorReviews: The crazy magnet that has no idea he is a crazy magnet
Another awesome evening in the field last night! See, I am taking my 103 dates in 9 months and the fact that I have still averaged at least two dates a week for the past year (after the social experiment) and turning it into helping nerdy dudes get the girl. Rather than keep plugging my personal life (which any relationship blogger will tell you - you can't do forever) I wanted to shift into an advisor-ship role where I help nerdy dudes out. From their OKC profiles, to anything, I wanted to create a mock environment where we would sit and chat and I could help them figure out what their dating dilemmas were truly all about. FTR, I have absolutely no filter and a bullshit radar like NO other.
I heart helping people, and I can talk about dating and social dynamics for daayyyysssssss ... so this is helping me with my understanding of people tremendously, while at the same time, again, helping my nerdy fellas out. To make sure a transaction of some kind is exchanged though for my time (time is the most valuable thing ever), I have the guys buy me a beer and in exchange we will talk.
So, that's what has been going on this week, and here is my latest and greatest ...
Introducing: The crazy magnet that has no idea he is a crazy magnet.
Here's the song that goes with the post ...
Like the Aussie I picked a bar in WeHo for us to meet (frankly because they have MY FAVORITE BEER EVER on tap!!), and minutes after sitting down in the booth my date walks up.
Hi, I say greeting him with a hug.
You look great, he replies.
Thanks, man! You too, I say back.
He was rocking a member's only-esque jacket and genuinely looked great! When it comes to a first date make sure you look your best. I know that sounds like, no duh, but it's true. I can't begin to tell you how many dudes I've met with that did not dress to impress and chicks notice that shit, man!
For guys - a sweater or collared shirt is bueno. I'm not mad at a tshirt or flannel either, just make sure whatever you wear is clean and freshly pressed looking.
We then get talking, and I am the one that gets right in and down to business.
So, tell me about your dating history.
Well, my last relationship was about a year ago - we were together for 4 years, and before that I was in a 5 year relationship and I was actually supposed to get married.
What happened? I asked
Funny thing - she tripped, fell, and landed on my best friend's dick. (uses humor as a defense mechanism, and apparently a lover of Eminem)
I look surprised.
Then, she did his brother.
OUUCCHHHHH
Just not at the same time, because that would be weird.
So, she left you for another guy who happened to be your best friend.
Yeah, and then I went to get the engagement ring back and she exchanged it for ANOTHER engagement ring and is now married to a different dude.
WHAT?!
Yeah, I know. We were high school sweethearts - one of those.
That must have been pretty intense though, I reply back, I can't imagine feeling such a violation of trust from not only the person you were in love with and wanting to spend the rest of your life with, BUT also with your best friend AND his brother.
Yeah, I know.
Tell me about the second relationship.
We were together for a while, then she left me for another guy.
Wait, what? Again?
Yeah.
Wow, what did this do to your self esteem?
It was devastating.
I can only imagine, I say with my hands to my chest indicating empathy.
I continue, what was the common thread between the two women? I mean obviously they both left you - but what did they have in common?
He thinks about it for a second then replies with ...
OH! They were both really crazy.
See, both girls were super hot, and they were super off balanced.
Ah yes, the curse of the attractive females. The hotter they are the more fucking bat shit crazy they be. I can empathize though, I had my nervous breakdown at 22 because I was so focused on receiving validation from outside sources that one day - I just literally snapped. You can't live life like that - you gotta find your passion, walk in bliss, and MOTHERFUCKING OWN YOUR SHIT!!!!!
When your emotional house is in order subsequently the rest of your houses (financial, professional) will also start to fall in order because your energy is vibrating at a different level and you will attract different circumstances into your life.
I also have this theory on "all bitches be crazy in LA until they are 25." For reals, I am only 27 - but I know I was bat shit crazy before I was 25. Here's my theory on that ... quickly ...
<tangent> Pretty much everyone that moves to LA comes here because they were the hottest young thang at their high school. The prom king/ queen from Oklahoma or Idaho who were raised every day hearing how awesome, wonderful, and beautiful they were. They had so many friends, everyone wanted to be them ... life was good. So one day, the prom king/ queen decide to take a chance and SHOOT FOR THE STARS by heading to good ol' Hollyhood. They pack up their shiznat drive out here with ambition, and love in their heart. They get here, and are shocked that people don't just bow down to them and their awesome. See, they never really had to work for things before because they were so popular in their hometown, their mere existence made people go oohhhh and ahhhhhh. Work becomes foreign and the piss on jobs create stress. They then go to the bar every night in the hopes of meeting people. See back home, if they went to the bar they'd no doubt be bought drinks and shots all night because they were just THAT awesome ... but out here in LA no one gives a flying fuck. Now, UNLESS you are the girl. Hot young girls CAN actually go to any bar or club in town and get guys to buy them drinks. This will work for the first few years that our little prom queen is in town - but low and behold, father time ticks on and suddenly our fine young thing isn't a fine young thing anymore ... she's TWENTY FIVE, which by LA standards is like FIFTY FIVE (and I'm not talking about Stifler's mom 55, I'm talking more like can't even get into GILF porn). There are plenty of other prom queens fresh off the boat ready, willing, and eager to do anything it takes to make it in this town. And thus, our original prom queen now has to cultivate a personality, or she will have to head back home. See, once they are over the 25 hump they are no longer strictly relying on their looks to get them something. They have actually cultivated a personality no matter what their given circumstances were growing up. In LA youth is a magnet. Dudes want to do you, other hot chicks want to be around you (since traveling in herds is how we roll) - life is bueno. But then you hit 25 and maannnnnnnnnn ... talk about a reality check.
So, there you go. That is my theory and this is why I am not friends with chicakdees who are under the age of 25 because ALL BITCHES BE CRAZY UNTIL THEY ARE 25. </tangent>
Moving on ...
The SECONNNDDD a guy I date ever tells me that his exs were crazy, or he has crazy friends, or crazy roommates - I fucking run. LIKE.ENERGY.ATTRACTS. It always takes two to tango. I continue our discussion ...
So, where are you meeting women now?
Mostly with my roommate. He's a total douche, and I usually just get the chicks by making fun of him.
Like how douchey are we talking here? Do you have a picture?
He then takes out his iPhone and shows me a very tan, very muscular, Ed Hardy rocking human being.
This. Is. Your. Roommate? You leave the house with that??
Yeah, I know it's bad. And he's totally crazy.
DING DING DING!! There's that word again.
So, you have a crazy roommate, crazy exs, what in you attracted this scenario? I then ask if I can get more personal ... any alcoholism or drug addiction in the family? I'm curious as to what in you thrives from this chaos because by all accounts I can tell you're actually very grounded energetically. (definitely not hummingbird energy)
Yeah, my dad. He was a marine, and had problems with alcohol.
No more callers please we have a winner.
So you had to be strong and keep everything together, didn't you?
Yeah - it wasn't until later in life ... I mean I had a good childhood and all.
Another red flag: People that don't admit that they had a rough childhood.
There's some statistic that 80% of people growing up come from some sort of dysfunctional family, and then the other 20% RESENT their families for NOT being fucked up because they have no excuse as to why they are fucked up.
I come from an UNBELIEVABLY dysfunctional family. I have my mom, dad, and brother - pretty much everyone else can dry up and blow away. I don't know my family - I genuinely didn't even know my grandmother's first name until I was like 20. They're deplorable people, but I recognize that now, and recognize that their behavior was totes not kosher for passover. To get to that step however, was my own personal growth. People never want to admit that they had a fucked up childhood because we had no frame of reference. As long as we weren't starving in the streets with maggots forming on us, I'm sure we'd all say we were cut a pretty good deal. The fact of the matter is though that shit happens, and the quicker you realize your childhood wasn't sunshine and roses the quicker you can get to moving on into adulthood (whatever that really means).
This guy is a BREEDING ground for crazy because he is still unconsciously seeking that chaos in his life that he experienced as a child.
Dudes, I used to BE a crazy magnet!! Have you read about my stalking experience in high school? Yep, true story. This shit used to be my jam, now I very literally don't resonate energetically in that space anymore.
Lemme give you an example ...
The night I went to the BDSM club, there was this dude at the bar that was friends with my friends. Before we went up to him I got pulled aside saying he has a fake accent and you can't ask him too much about himself.
Huh? I replied
It's a long story - but just please don't.
Word to the bird jellyfish, I replied and just kinda went about my day scoping out the club.
I introduced myself to the dude, and could IMMEDIATELY recognize that he had soulless eyes. I didn't know what was going on, or why I felt that way - but it was this shock to my system from HEAD.TO.TOE. that I needed to leave.
I then said I wanted to go to the dance floor where I proceeded to putz around - quite the opposite of the usual lifecaster in me that will ALWAYS look for a story (and how is there not a story with someone that rocks a fake accent and you can't ask bout his past)??
The next morning I call my friend and ask her about the dude. He had soulless eyes I said, what was his deal?
XYZ used to torture people, literally. He worked for the government for a while and it fucked him up. His family was murdered when he was younger, and he literally became a trained killer.
Does he still do it? I press on
No, I mean, I don't think so. It was all through the government though.
RIIIGGHHHHTTTTT, I said.
This guy obviously had massive issues and the old Jen Jen growing up would have seen that wounded puppy and wanted to take them in and nurse them back to health. I used to be a caretaker, and a magnet for the crazy. NOW.I.FUCKING.RUN.
Crazies feed off of your energy and they will absolutely eat you alive if given the opportunity. It is your job if you are a crazy magnet to figure out what in you attracted this scenario. It's a magnet!! It takes two to tango mothafucka - so what in YOU is resonating with these people and not running.
Advice for the crazy magnet: Move out, immediately ... and start doing some self work, and healing on some of the things that happened to you growing up. Writing has been an INCREDIBLE tool for me, but maybe music would work better for you ... whatever, man - just get off your ass and do it. Life is too short to live in that big of a rut and your first step in moving forward is understanding what in you attracted those people.
Here's his review on Mirror.net:
His dateAbility ...
He definitely needs a confidence boost based on some of the things he picked at about himself in the looks department. Dudes, newsflash - chicks care less about that shit than you think. MEN are more visual, so WOMEN have to know to keep their game stepped up ... but chicks are so focused on personality and genuine charm that I will very honestly give ANY GUY a chance at the bar as long as I just enjoy talking to them.
Overall, the crazy magnet's dateAbility definitely has some room for improvement. I genuinely feel like he has no idea WHY he is attracting all of these people into his life - so I hope that this might serve as a guided next step on his journey to awesomeness.
Rock on wit' yo nerdy self, and best of luck out there!!! Please please please keep us posted!!
#thatisall
Want to check out Mirror for yourself? Here ya go! And don't forget to like 'em on Facebook.
OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh
Do you live in LA and would you like to go out on a date to be reviewed? Hit me up!! JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c. I wanna hear from you!! xoxo
